Frank and Jamie McCourt Have a Lot of Houses

By now, anyone and everyone who follows the money trail around Los Angeles knows there's a War of the Roses about to erupt on the staid streets of the Holmby Hills where the dueling and dee-vorcing owners of the L.A. Dodgers Frank and Jamie McCourt own an impressive compound on Charing Cross Way.

For those who do not recognize their names, Mister and soon to be ex-Missus McCourt made piles of money developing commercial real estate in Boston, Mass. In 2004, they cashed out and purchased the L.A. Dodgers baseball franchise for a whopping $430,000,000.

Missus McCourt, an attorney with a Masters degree in business, was installed as vice-chairman and named president of the team in 2005. In March of 2009 she was promoted to CEO making her the highest-ranking woman in Major League Baseball earning $2,000,000 per year. Until last week, when her soon to be ex-huzband fired her.

The gory he said/she said details of Missus McCourt’s termination are all over the interweb, but suffice to say she says it’s unwarranted and he says she was insubordinate and that she was having an improper relationship with her bodyguard/driver. Your Mama does not know what is true and what is not true, but what we do know is that the people at gossip juggernaut TMZ managed to get a hold of the Petition for the Dissolution of Marriage filed by Jamie McCourt on October 27, 2009. How they do these things, we don't know, but the document was not only posted on their site it was also forwarded to Your Mama by Sandy Spreadtheword. It took us the better part of half a day and a pitcher of gin and tonic to read the 137-page document which details the couples accumulation of wealth, how they spend all that money and what kind of spousal support the soon to be ex-Missus McCourt is looking for.

By far the most interesting sections of the long document are those that detail the couple's personal real estate holdings and the amounts of money required to maintain them. By our count, the McCourts maintain 7 private residences and own two more parcels of prime property on which they intended to build two more. Prior to moving to Los Angeles in 2004, the couple lived in Massachusetts so that seems a good place to begin a chronicle of their real estate lives based on information culled from public property records and the dee-vorce docs.

According to previous reports and property records, prior to moving west, Mister and Missus McCourt called a Brookline, Mass mansion home since 1993. As best as we can tell, the couple coughed up $4,500,000 for the 8,249 square foot Cottage Street estate that ballooned to a gargantuan 18,216 square feet. Records show that property was sold in August of 2007 for $16,000,000. Interestingly, and somewhat eccentrically, when they sold the property they reserved the right to remove the entire kitchen–lock, stock, and counter tops–if the kitchen was ever to be remodeled or the mansion torn down.

Like many moneyed people in Massachusetts, Mister and Missus McCourt and their four sons often spent vacations on Cape Cod. In the year 2000, the then happy couple dumped $19,500,000 for a 5-parcel ocean front estate on Main Street in the Village of Cotuit, MA that spans more than 90 acres and includes two private ponds.

The main house was built in 1909, measures 7,516 square feet and includes 10 bedrooms and 6.5 poopers. A second, smaller house on the property has another 3 bedrooms and 2.5 poopers which all adds up to an unlucky 13 bedrooms and 10 terlets in 8 full and 2 half poopers.

Court documents indicate the McCourts spent $605,000 on improvements to the property and that they have an $18,000,000 equity line of credit secured by two of their properties, this being one of them. Court documents also indicate that the massive estate is quietly being shopped around with a hair-raising asking price of $50,000,000. Considering they’re into the place for just over twenty million smackers, a fifty million dollar sale–which Your Mama imagines is a bit of a pipe dream–would next them a mind boggling thirty million dollars.

Before buying the big estate on Cape Cod, in 1998, the erstwhile couple spent $775,000 on what is described in the dee-vorce docs as a “golf home” on Willowbend Drive in Mashpee, MA. The house contains a total of 9 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers, some of which according to the dee-vorce docs are in the finished basement.

Upon arriving in LaLa Land in 2004, they immediately cowed and wowed all the real estate people that fill the fancy offices on Cañon Drive in Bev Hills buy plunking down $21,250,000 for an estate on Charing Cross Road, directly across the street from the Playboy Mansion. Court documents reveal an additional $14,000,000 has been spent on improvements to property which included replacing the outdoor tennis court with an indoor Olympic size swimming pool that has its own pool house, sauna, steam room, shower, dressing room and massage room.

The post-renovation main manse,–their primary residence before busting up–now measures approximately 15,000 square feet and in addition to the 4 bedrooms and 10 poopers, there is also a fully-equipped work out room, a dance studio and guest quarters. The house also contains the kitchen from their Brookline mansion, which they spent $180,000 to remove and ship to California.

According to court documents, the monthly costs for the McCourt’s massive Charing Cross Road mansion total a toe curling $202,716 and include $68,313 for decorating and furnishing, $29,997 for domestic staff, and $5,866 in utilities. Think about that for a few seconds my butter beans. Mister and Missus McCourt and paying more every month to keep their lights on and the lawn watered than most people make in a month. There is, according to records and court documents, an elephantine $13,800,000 mortgage on the property.

A few months after buying the Charing Cross Road residence, in November of 2004, the couple scooped up the property next door for $6,500,000. Their intention, according to dee-vorce docs, was to utilize the 8,385 square foot, 8 bedrooms and 10 pooper property as guest quarters. However, despite spending an additional $4,800,000 in basic improvements and architectural fees, the property has been used for little more than storage. There is no mortgage on the property. However, between the two Holmby Hills properties, according to court docs, the McCourts have spent a mouth drying $46,550,000. It’s certainly not the ninety or so million Gary Winnick paid for his Bel Air spread, but it’s none the less a heart stopping mound of moolah.

In July of 2007, the couple went a-searchin’ for a Malee-boo beach house and found what they wanted in a swoopy John Lautner designed house on Carbon Beach for which they paid actors Courtney Cox and David Arquette $27,300,000. Since splitting with Frankie, Jamie has been occupying the Malibu residence exclusively. According to dee-vorce docs, the 4,486 square foot, 4 bedroom and 5.5 pooper architectural tour de force costs $151,054 per month to maintain, most of which goes to property taxes and servicing a $16,500,000 mortgage.

A few months later, in January of 2008, the couple decided they needed more room at the beach and purchased the property next door to their dee-voon Lautner house. Records and court documents reveal they paid $19,000,000 for the 3 bedroom and 3 pooper property where their children and guests stay when visiting them at the beach. Because the soon to be ex-Missus McCourt is a swimmer, a lap pool is being installed at this property because the small pool at the Lautner next door is, apparently, not big enough for lap swimming. According to dee-vorce docs, this property swallows up $88,106 in monthly costs and was used to secure an $11,400,000 mortgage.

In 2004, about the same time they moved west, the property mad McCourts forked over $6,000,000 for a 3 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom condominium on East Core Creek Drive in Vail, CO. Although the condo was paid for with cold, hard cash, according to the dee-vorce docs, an $18,000,000 equity line of credit was secured with this condo and their Cape Cod compound as collateral.

The couple own two additional pieces of land on which they planned to build two more luxurious residences. In 2006, they spent $7,700,000 for unimproved property at the by invitation only Yellowstone Club in Montana. No house has been built on the property.

In late 2008, seemingly just before they called it quits, they spent $4,625,000 for a vacant parcel of land at the dee-luxe El Dorado Club in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. A residence for the property has been fully designed by not yet built.

A few flicks of the well-worn beads of our bejeweled abacus reveals that Mister and Missus McCourt have spent $167,050,000 on dee-luxe real estate for their personal and private use and are carrying a diarrhea inducing $59,700,000 in mortgages. How do y’all like them real estate apples?

In addition to chronicling their extensive real estate holdings, the dee-vorce docs also detail the couples lavish monthly expenses which include 24/7 security at both their Holmby Hills home and their Malibu properties when they are in residence as well as racking up $6,870,000 in Net Jets costs in 2008 and 2009. According to Jamie and her forensics accountants, the couple’s monthly household expenses total a staggering $760,209 which includes $538,029 in real estate related expenses, $55,782 per month in personal expenses, which we take to mean hair care, fresh flowers and other luxuries, $33,756 per month in expenses related to their four adult children–three of whom are currently attending Stanford University, charity donations in excess of $30,000 per month, and concierge health care services to the tune of nearly $90,000 per year.

Lo-word have mercy, Your Mama needs a nerve pill just thinking about monthly bills in excess of three-quarters of a million clams. Every. Damn. Month. Jeezis. Even Rich people have gotta understand that is a shocking amount of money in monthly bills.

Due to their profligate ways–which they appear to be able to well afford–Missus McCourt is asking the courts to grant her non-taxable spousal support to the tune of $320,967 if she is reinstated to her two million dollar per year job at the Dodgers or $487,634 if she is not reinstated.

Given that California is a community property state and given that Missus McCourt gave Mister McCourt $1,000 for his first bidness deal and given that Missus McCourt has been an integral part of the couple’s wealth accumulation, it seems to Your Mama–who is not an attorney–that Jamie will not only be awarded stunning sums of money in monthly spousal support but will also end up owning half of the couple’s assets.

Whatever happens, expect the dirty details of their dee-vorce to be played out in the media.

Was Michael Jackson House Hunting Before He Passed on to the Great Gloved One in the Sky?

Oh dear jeezis in heaven, the salacious gossip about Michael Jackson's crazy real estate ways hasn't stopped even though his poor, pale little body has been stuck up for eternity in the wall of a fancy mausoleum at the Forest Lawn cemetary.

According to the peeps at gossip juggernaut TMZ, prior to his death in June of 2009, Michael Jackson was negotiating to buy an insanely opulent architectural extravaganza in Los Angeles which can only be described as Mister Rococo making and unholy marriage with Missus Baroque and then proceededing to have influential and torrid affairs with both Sister Size Queen and Blistering Bad Taste. Assuming the report is accurate–and we really don't now if it is or is not–what else would one expect of an eccentric man-boy who kept zebras for pets, wore sequined socks and ladee's garments, wished he was Peter Pan, and had a damn ferris wheel in his backyard?

The 2.4 acre, three parcel estate in question sits in the swank Bel Air area of Los Angeles with a Revuelta Way address but in reality the bulk of the estate faces famed Sunset Boulevard. According to listing information for the house, which is currently on the market with a shocking asking price of $37,995,000, the vast estate includes approximately 20,000 square feet of immoderately lavish interior space with 15 bedrooms and 16.5 poopers spread throughout the main house and the 2-story guest house that over looks the swimming pool complex, spa and fitness center.

According to TMZ, ol' MJ had his beady little eyes set on the eye-popping property as far back as 2001 when he entered escrow to purchase the estate but backed out when he turned up short of funds. Fast forward to 2008/2009 when MJ was living in a leased house a few twists and turns down Sunset on N. Carolwood Drive. The TMZ reports says MJ was hoping to use some of the proceeds of his This Is It tour to buy the property and began chit-chatting with the current owner about making a second go of buying the improbably palatial property. He even, allegedly, took his trio of children to tour the property which, according to listing information, includes garaging for 20 or more cars, a dining room for 50 or more, 5 fireplaces, a cigar and wine tasting room, more gilded this and thats than in all of the Hermitage, and a vast master suite with three wall-mounted televisions, two massive marble poopers with gold fixture including one with gold swan shaped faucets, and a behemoth bed sitting on a raised platform with a blood red velvet and gilded headboard so absurdly extravagant even Marie Antoinette and Saddam Hussein would have said "Oh hunny, pleeze, no. That's just too much for a simple person like me."

The estate, sometimes referred to by real estate junkies in L.A. as the Tar Estate or–less nicely–as the Tar Mahal, is currently owned by Yousuf Tar. Among other assets, Mister Tar owns the Bernini Clothing and Fragarance lines. The children might recall that Chuck Woolery's suits were furnished by Bernini when he hosted Love Connection.

Mish Mash Monday

1.
Thanks to our fab friend Kitty Glitter, we've learned there's some good news and some bad news for The Real Housewives of Orange County's Simon and Tamra Barney. Y'all remember these two, right? Who could forget them without the help of handful of mood stabilizers, a few pain pills and a bottle of gin? She's the fun loving but fork tongued blond "real estate agent" with the behemoth bazooms and he's her former Mercedes salesperson huzband who now pimps tequila.

The good news for the Barneys is that listing information shows their approximately 4,300 square foot faux-Tuscan tract house in Ladera Ranch, CA is looking for a back up offer indicating their 5 bedroom and 5.5 pooper real estate problem might soon belong to someone else.

The bad news for the Barneys is that the current asking price of $1,149,000 is substantially less than the $1,320,500 property records show they paid for the property in August of 2005. It is also, unfortunately, far less than the would like you to believe they are rolling in dough duo owe on the property which, according to public records, is at least $1,317,000.

To make matters worse, records show a nasty Notice of Default was filed on the Barney's primary mortgage in September of 2009 which makes the urgency to sell even more intense lest the property fall into the cruel jaws of foreclosure. Unless some damn fool was stupid enough to bid way over the asking price, Mister and Missus Barney will have to beg the bank for mercy and plead with the peeps at JP Morgan Chase to accept a couple (or few) hundred thousand dollars less than is owed on the property.

Listing information shows the Barney's Pointe Circle property in the religious sounding Covenant Hills planned development community was first put on the market back in late October of 2008 with an entirely unrealistic price tag of $1,599,000. The asking price was cut at least three times before the property was taken off the market in January of 2009 and then re-listed in July with its current asking price of $1,149,000. For some reason, the property has been de-listed and re-listed three more times since July of 2009.

The new season of The Real Housewives of Orange County starts up soon and Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter will be watching like hawks looking for any signs that this couple is short on cash. Of course, we're 100% certain they'll maintain the veneer of wealth and continue to say–as they have in the past–that they're willing to take a huge loss on this property in order to take advantage of sagging prices which will allow them to buy an even better property. However, besides their RHoOC paychecks, neither of these two appear to have regular or stable jobs that would indicate to a bank they can handle an even larger mortgage then the one they've currently defaulted on. Do y'all smell a disingenuous fish? Your Mama shore do.

Maybe ol' Tamra and Simon can wedge her big ol' boobies into the Mercedes and move into the Irvine, CA condo fellow housewife Jeana Keough's been trying to sell the last few months? Just a thought. Or maybe, could be these two lovebirds are headed for the court of dee-vorce? Hmm.

2.
Turns out Tamra Barney isn't the only busty blond with real estate troubles. Former Baywatch babe turned cliché Tinseltown tragedy Pamela Anderson is facing her own real estate and financial melodrama regarding her house behind the gates of the star studded Malibu Colony community in Malibu, CA.

According to a recent article in the Daily Mail thoughtfully sent to Your Mama by Leonard Londoner, Miz Looking Rode Hard and Put Up Wet Pam Anderson recently gave an interview in which she, allegedly, told former EastEnder actor Joe Swash that the costs for the total overhaul of her home in The Colony has sucked money out of her once fat bank accounts like an industrial strength vacuum cleaner leaving her with only $4,000. Oh dear, the literally poor lamb. Four thousand clams probably barely covers the cost for Miss Pam's hair extensions which will be a real problem when her tracks start showing.

Making matters worse, Miss Pam claims to be three million clams over budget and needs another $800,000 to finish the extensive renovations that include tiling the swimming pool with platinum. Platinum tiles in the swimming pool? Oh gurl, no wonder you're in a financial pickle. Listen missy, Your Mama would feel sorry for your broke ass–iffin indeed the reports are true that's yer down to your last few grand–but low-ward have mercy what in the devil were you thinking tiling your damn swimming pool with platinum tiles? Seriously? Are you on drugs? Did you really think those tremendous tetas of yours were going to allow you to trade on your sex appeal for the rest of your life? Guuurrrl, pleeze. You should have been more prudent with your damn dollars and put some away for a rainy day instead of tiling your damn swimming pool in platinum. Pleeze.

Anyhoo, Miss Pam, who told Mister Swash she was planning to sell the house in the Colony, is currently living in a Malibu trailer park with her electrician boyfriend Jamie Padgett. Listen chickens, don't be fooled by the words "trailer park." While she does live in what is technically a manufactured mobile home in a Malibu trailer park, trust Your Mama when we tell you these "trailers" in the Paradise Cove Mobilehome Park can easily cost a half a million smackers or much more depending on the proximity to the beach. Like all them real estates says, location, location, location, butter beans. Like it or not, a "trailer" on the ocean in Malibu is still worth many times that of a house in less coastal environments. We're sure some of you people in less coastal environments will have something to say about that.

3.
It was only a few weeks ago that Avril "I'm a punk rock chick" Lavigne dumped her huzband Deryck Whibley and bee-hawtcha is already rumored and reported to be house hunting with another man. And that man–believe it or not my little beauties–is Brandon Davis. That's right, he of the Lindsay Lohan "firecrotch" infamy. Riot gurl really knows how to pick 'em, don't she?

Recent reports reveal that Little Miss Acts Like A Rebellious Sixteen Year Old has been getting down and doing the bowm-chicka-bow-bow with the large lipped Hollywood scion who, apparently, dated–or did–both Paris and Nicky Hilton back in the early 2000s, an idea just too grotesque on so many levels that Your Mama is truly speechless on the subject.

All the reports say that Miss Lavigne, whose career seems to have hit a bit of molasses lately, is going to sell her big manse on Stratford Circle in the the Bel Air Crest gated community. Records and previous reports reveal Miss Lavigne bought the chunky, 12,184 square foot mansion in March of 2007, turning over $9,500,000 to sellers Travis Barker–from Blink 182–and his on again off again wife Shanna Moakler, the feisty former Miss USA who really gave it to that Christian gurl Carrie Prejean over the gay marriage.

Reports reveal that Mister Davis–who was widely reported to be broke, or next to–lives at Lionsgate, his mother's Bel Air estate that happens to be adjacent to the compound the Jonas Brothers recently leased and more recently vacated which is next door to Mister and Missus Jennifer Lopez's estate on St. Pierre Road, which has long been for sale with an asking price of $7,900,000. But we digress. Reports also reveal that Mister Davis and his soon to be dee-vorced faux punker ladee friend Avril have been spotted house hunting in the Hills of Beverly and Hollywood.

We shall see, but Your Mama–who doesn't know a paper plate from a Rolls Royce–is convinced that this unlikely and unholy pairing of Avril Lavigne and Brandon Davis will only end in tears and another multi-million dollar mansion for sale. Mark Your Mama's words on that one puppies.

UPDATE: Turns out The Spitter's dalience with Mister Davis was short lived because much more recent reports indicate she's holing up with Pineapple heir Justin Murdock who, as fer as Your Mama knows, still lives up on Laurel Way in the Bev Hills in a groovy ranch style house with a classic kidney shaped swimming pool.

4.
Is anyone surprised that reports are starting to circulate that sassy and smug music mogul/American Idol gazillionaire isn't the best neighbor a person could ask for? According to an article in the Daily Mail forwarded to Your Mama by Leonard Londoner, Mister Cowell's new neighbors in Beverly Hills are all kinds of pissed off. They complain that Mister Cowell makes a lot of racket with late night parties and that he forbids construction workers to park in his driveway which means their trucks and cars clutter up the usually pristine N. Palm Drive. All these parked cars, quite natch, annoys residents who have to suffer the indignity of driving up to their ten million dollar mansions in their shiny rides only to have a dozen dirty trucks parked in front of the house. Quelle damage!

Mister Cowell recently moved into his recently completed mansion located just below Sunset Boo-layvard in the flats of Bev Hills and which reportedly includes a private solarium, indoor swimming pool, a private cinema, a home gym, more bedrooms than the moobish mogul will ever need and according to the Daily Mail, a Dynasty style marble stair case which seems a bit of a strange description of a staircase in what is essentially a very modern, very crisp, very black and white, very Armani Casa mansion.

5.
According to deeds filed with the City of New York and a recent report by the always on top of things Max Abelson at the New York Observer's Manhattan Transfers column, egotastic artist/filmmaker Julian Schnabel has finally managed to unload the triplex penthouse unit at his much maligned, pinkish-red, quasi-Italianate tower on New York City's West 11th Street which he humorously named Palazzo Chupi.

The 3,845 square foot penthouse first came on the open market in early 2008 with a ridiculous asking price of $27,000,000. The price tag was soon, surprisingly and stoopidly, raised to an even more hair brained $32,000,000. The 3 bedroom, 3.5 pooper, 7 terrace triplex languished on the market for-evah and underwent several price chops before, according to property records, a Bay Area based financier named William J.P. Brady stepped in to relieve the financially beleaguered Mister Schnabel. The sale price, according to the deed, was a shocking $10,691,625. A few flicks of the well worn beads of our bejeweled abacus reveals that figures is exactly one-third of the highest asking price of $32,000,000.

If the name of the buyer seems familiar to any of the children it's because Mister Brady already owns one of the other units at Palazzo Chupi. Back in October of 2007 it was widely reported that Mister Brady forked over $15,500,000 for "Unit 1" of Mister Schnabel's 17-story pink palace. It's unclear why Mister Brady would want a second condo in the Chupi, but we're sure a man with as much money as he does has his sound but unfathomable reasons.

Besides Mister Schnabel–who is getting a very expensive dee-vorce from him long time wifey Olatz–and Mister Brady, the only other owner/resident of the tower is still smoking hot actor Richard Gere and his lucky wifey Carrie Lowell who tried to flip their condo at the Chupi soon after closing at a $5,000,000 profit. The comely couple quickly took their condo at the Chupi off the market, probably when they realized they severely overpaid and could never in a sinking market make their money back let along make a few million extra.

Mister Schnabel still has one more unit to sell at the Chupi, the 3,850 square foot doo-plex currently listed at $12,950,000. Given that he just fire-sold the triplex for ten million and change, Your Mama predicts the doo-plex will soon sell for even less...shall we say eight million and some change?

Is Another Real Housewife Biting the Real Estate Dust?

All the children know that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter are unrepentant reality tee-vee junkies who will watch just about anything short of programs that feature former celebrities attempting to grab 10 more minutes of their former fame and glory or even worse, those who are despereate for a paycheck. Those programs, like I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, are simply too sad to watch. One of our most beloved guilty pleasures is The Real Housewives of... franchise on the Bravo channel. We just can't seem to get enough of all those nipped and tucked boojie behawtchas getting into the most ridiculous and petty grade school gurl cat fights. It's all kinds of ugly children, but it's good ugly. Like the Jerry Springer Show only with expensive clothes and jewelry.

The notch in Andy Cohen's reality tee-vee belt is The Real Housewives of New Jersey. While each of the five "housewives" in Jersey were jaw dropping and eye popping in their own way, it was fiery tempered table flipper Teresa Giudice who rocketed to pinnacle of reality tee-vee fame for coining the brilliant put down, "prostitution whore"–which Your Mama uses all the damn time–and for humping around town with a house cat sized wad of cash in her purse. Do y'all remember that episode where she swanned around some furniture warehouse on some turnpike bragging about how she always paid cash for everything while peeling off more than $120,360 to buy a lot of ugly furniture for her ugly new house?

As it turns out and despite that flagrant and vulgar display, Teresa and her huzband Giuseppe–a.k.a. Joe–did not pay cash for a piece of property they own in nearby Lincoln Park, NJ because according to recent reports, the self-proclaimed all cash couple failed to make the mortgage payments on the .47 acre piece of land. Missus Giudice–which Your Mama thinks is pronounced either joo-duh-say or gwee-dee-chee–owes $127,500 on the property and the peeps at the DLJ Mortgage Company want their money or they're going to move to foreclose on the property according to papers filed with the New Jersey Superior Court.

It appears the couple's newly built onyx and marble monstrosity on Indian Lane in Towaco, NJ–which, by the way, backs up to the very bizzy and very loud Interstate 287–is not about to be foreclosed as was reported far and wide earlier today. However, a peep and a poke around the public property records reveals that the couple also carry a hefty, $1,720,000 mortgage on their 10,000+ square foot manse which means they didn't pay cash for that property either which kinda makes Missus Giudice a big fat fibber.

No doubt there is more to this story than meets Your Mama's gin soaked eyes and we're sure Mister and Missus Giudice will soon issue a press release saying it was all a paperwork mix up or some such nonsense. In the meantime, Your Mama is crossing our fingers and toes that the Giudice's real estate dra-muh is captured for the next season of the New Jersey installment of Andy Cohen's reality tee-vee baby.

Jann Wenner and Matt Nye Head to the Hamptons

BUYER: Jann Wenner and Matt Nye
LOCATION: Old Montauk Highway, Montauk, NY
PRICE: $11,900,000
SIZE: 6,300 square feet, 8 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Reach out and catch the waves from all rooms in this 6300 square foot home with vaulted living room and dining room and huge stone fireplace, additional great room with eating area, office, exercise room, 8 bedrooms and plenty of entertaining space. Newly updated with a clean palate. Outdoor ocean side multi-level patios and decking including huge oceanfront hot tub...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Today we learned that the Feds unloaded Bernie and Ruth Madoff's Montauk, NY beach house for well over its $8,750,000 asking price and yesterday we learned the publishing pooh-bah Jann Wenner and his long time man-friend Matt Nye scooped up a new vacation house just down the beach. Since we've already spent some time wallowing in the schadenfreude of these Madoff people this morning, let's move on and have a look-see at what a couple of a-list gays do with their real estate dollars.

Mister Wenner is, of course, the co-founder, owner and publisher of Rolling Stone magazine and his eponymous company Wenner Media also owns Men's Journal and the celebrity gossip glossy US Weekly. Mister Nye is (or was) a fashion designer. Together they have three young children. Prior to going gay, Mister Wenner was married–and technically still is married–to a ladee named Jane with whom he has three children. By all accounts all parties are amicable, Missus Wenner is still on the payroll at Wenner Media and still occupies the uber-contemporary ocean front estate in East Hampton she once shared with her formerly hetero huzband.

Listing information for the Hamptons house the glammy gays bought shows the ocean front "compound" on Old Montauk Highway was listed with an asking price of $14,900,000. All recent reports on the matter state a purchase price of $11,900,000 but, as of this morning, Your Mama can't yet confirm that with any of the property records we accessed.

The property includes two parcels that combined total almost 1.5 acres with 200-ish feet of ocean front magnificence that tumbles gracefully down to the soft sand. The architecturally wonky and ass-uglee Cape style house stands three stories on the water side, measures 6,300 square feet according to listing information and includes 8 bedrooms and 6.5 poopers.

There are, according to listing information, several indoor entertaining spaces including a "great room" that includes an eating area, and another living and dining room with a massive stone fireplace, ocean views, Mexican paver stone floors, and a steeply peaked and undeniably churchy wood beamed ceiling. We swoon for the ceiling but Your Mama recommends Misters Wenner and Nye have all that Mexican paver tile pulled up and replaced with something stunning like waxed Ipe or reclaimed black walnut like in Adam Lippe's Manhattan penthouse we discussed yesterday. A material like that will surely make more work for Mister Wenner's minimum wage house gurls (or boys) and our imperious house gurl Svetlana would have a conniption to end all conniptions if we installed a waxed wood floor in a beach house, but...we'd do it anyway.

In addition to all of the eight bedrooms, listing information indicates house also contains a den, a study, office, and an exercise room which is excellent because all the children know how the homosexuals enjoy pushing weights and working the cardio machines in order to keep their pectorals pumped, abs six-packed and boo-tays as hard as stone.

A deck runs most of the length of the middle floor and has an exterior stair case that leads down to the backyard which includes a narrow strip of lawn and several ocean view patios and a party-sized hot tub. A curving path that cuts through the scrub provides easy access to the shore. Listing information indicates the there is room and plans for a guest house and a swimming pool.

Nearby neighbors include a number of high finance folks, Academy Award winning actor Robert Deniro, and fashion designer Ralph Lauren who owns a sprawling multi-acre compound just a couple doors down and whose company has been in the p.r. hot seat lately for digitally retouching an already paper thin model to look so skinny that her head was actually wider than her impossibly slim hips.

Misters Wenner and Nye, no strangers to dee-luxe digs, own a posh townhouse on West 74th Street in New York City as well as a ski house in Sun Valley, ID and a 69.1 acre upstate New York country spread overlooking the Hudson River in Tivoli, NY for which they forked over $5,800,000 in early 2008.

UPDATE: Bernie Madoff

According to the Wall Street Journal, fallen financial swindler Bernie Madoff's Montauk beach house was sold to real estate bigwig Steven Roth. Mister Roth is the chairman of a company called Vornado Realty Trust which owns and manages massive amounts of retail and office space around the country as well as a having a substantial stake in Toys "R" Us.

The Madoff's Old Montauk Highway property had been listed by the Feds with an asking price of $8,750,000 and there was a flurry of interested buyers. Mister Roth's winning bid was $9,410,000 a figure our bejeweled abacus (and the Wall Street Journal) tells Your Mama is almost six percent over the asking price.

Mister Roths new nearby neighbors include Robert Deniro, Ralph Lauren and publishing magnate Jann Wenner who just scooped up an ocean front property on Old Montauk Highway for a reported $11,900,000.

The Madoff's Manhattan penthouse remains on the market with an asking price of $9,900,000 as does their Palm Beach spread listed at $8,490,000.

Meanwhile, mum is the word from ol' Ruthie Madoff who seems to have successfully gone into hiding and recent reports snicker about how the once big living Bernie is making friends in prison with drug dealers and child molesters, a mafia boss and an Israeli spy. Your Mama wonders how long it'll be before Bernie gets a husband.

Designer Adam Lippes' Calacatta Marble Filled Penthouse

SELLER: Adam Lippes
LOCATION: West 12th Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $5,750,000 (monthly maintenance: $2,764)
SIZE: 1,700 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Traditional details were painstakingly restored to the building's original intent. Replicas of floor-to-ceilings rolled-steel windows, specified by architects in the 60's, are now flanked on either side by 8 floor to ceiling glass doors, accessed from every room. Featuring 2 bedrooms with ensuite bathrooms & their own private terraces; additional powder room of calacatta vision slab marble; guest bath of pure white sculptural marble, steam shower & Boffi fixtures...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Since Your Mama has been inundated with all kinds of ass-uglee the last couple of days–from supposedly sterile hospitals to Whitney Houston's hot residential mess to Eddie Murphy's mob-worthy mansion in Englewood, NJ–we thought it might be nice to look at a little real estate pretty even if the owner of the property we're going to discuss barely qualifies as a celebrity. While reading the always informative CityFile the other day we learned that up and coming fashion designer Adam Lippes–we know chickens, we'd never heard of him either–who recently listed his dee-voonly done, David Schefer and Eve-Lynn Schoenstein designed Greenwich Village penthouse with the not very up and coming asking price of $5,750,000. And it's gorgeous.

Located atop the white glove building on West 12th Street known the world around as The Butterfield House, Mister Lippes' 5 room, 1,700 square foot pristine penthouse pad has two bedrooms, each with a private pooper, as well as a powder pooper bathed in costly Calacatta slab marble.

The penthouse's front door opens to a generously sized entrance hall with the living room on the left, the kitchen and dining room straight ahead and the private quarters to the right. The sun washed, south facing living room has warm, reclaimed black walnut wood floors that anchor the winter white walls and create a delicious and necessary tension with the monolithic fireplace wall of cold, but drop dead Calacatta slab marble. Custom made, floor to ceiling rolled steel windows open to the Ipe wood decked terrace and custom made black walnut bookcases opposite the fireplace slide open to expose a flat screen boob-toob and surround sound system. Mister Lippes has kept the living room furnishings clean liked and neutral in color giving all the glory over to a goose pimple making view of lower Manhattan.

The dining room, which opens to one of the larger sections of the wrap around terrace through more custom made floor to ceiling rolled steel windows, has hand-painted, embroidered English silk walls–which sounds hideously expensive don't it?–and a glass dining room table lit by a large Pink Blossom Swarovski crystal chandelier by design star Tord Boontje which–in case any of the children would care to know–runs a Birkin bag busting $27,300 at Moss, the design emporium to end all design emporiums. The adjacent galley kitchen is Manhattan sized meaning it's teeny tiny. None the less, no pennies were spared decking out the the itty-bitty space which is well organized with large window for natural light and ventilation and has been fitted Calacatta slab marble counter tops and back splash, a trendy trough sink, and full sized, high grade appliances. As lovely as all that is, Your Mama thinks the most impressive element in the kitchen is the forest's worth of black walnut wood that was not only used for the flat fronted upper and lower cabinets but also as paneling on the walls and on the ceiling. Mar-vuh-luss. It looks like the most expensive trailer home we could ever imagine and, to quote Bravo channel reality tee-vee drama queen Rachel Zoe, we die for it.

The guest room has, according to listing information, a private pooper "of pure white sculptural marble" with a steam shower and Boffi brand fixtures. Above the bed in the guest room, in what appears to be gilded capital block letters are the words, "What would Oprah say?" We can only hope Mister Lippe is being ironic because, quite frankly and even though she is without question one of the most powerful people on the planet who does all sorts of good works in the world, Your Mama does not care a whit about what the Big O might say about anything. As far as we're concerned the wildly rich, pulled herself up by her bootstraps bee-hawtcha has simply gotten too big for her designer britches. She's got a private jet, a forty million dollar weekend house in Montecito, CA and more money jangling around in the bottom of her purse than most people will earn in a lifetime and she thinks she's down with all the regular people who struggle to make a damn car payment? Pleeze. But we digress...

One wall in the master bedroom opens up to custom fitted closets and a second wall opens up to a private part of the terrace. The master bathroom is divided into two spaces, both bathed in black walnut and even more Calacatta slab marble. One side of the master bath contains a sink/vanity, a walk-in Calacatta marble shower and a Calacatta marble soaking tub. The separate wash closet is, unfortunately, without a window, but we covet a divided master bathroom so Your Mama can wash our teeth without having to bear the indignity of hearing the Dr. Cooter tinkle before bed at night.

Other notable amenities in the penthouse, according to listing information, include a multi-zone HVAC system, electronically controlled solar shades, custom lighting and sound throughout the apartment, and custom made bronze terrace containers that are heat and wind resistant on the Gregg Bleam designed terraces. The highly prized, much lauded and very desirable Butterfield House was built in 1962 and offers lucky residents, an on-site manager, full time doormen, a staffed service entrance–which Your Mama loves, a private fitness facility, storage lockers, a bicycle room and a central laundry room not to mention a central location on Greenwich Village's Gold Coast.

Listen chickens, Your Mama has 2 and only 2 real problems with this penthouse. Everything else is a meaningless splitting decorative and design hairs:

1. The laundry facilities appear to be located in a closet inside the powder pooper. While Your Mama and our demanding house gurl Svetlana do appreciate that Mister Lippes and his team of smart architects managed to squeeze clothes cleaning contraptions into the apartment, we do not care to launder our fashions and undergarments in the same room where guests expose their bare asses and set on the damn terlit.

2. Much as we L.O.V.E. all that Calacatta marble in the master bathroom (and in every other room), the slab marble soaking tub is a wee too sarcophagus-like for our personal taste. Since Your Mama don't find anything relaxing about sitting in the filth of bath water and probably would never use that thing for anything other than bathing our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly, iffin we were going to take a soak in the bath, we don't want to feel like we're entombed.

Other than that, we're ready to pack up our Louis Vuitton cases, write a damn check and move back to Manhattan. The only snag in the plan is that pesky problem of not having five and some million clams to spend on an apartment. Maybe one of Your Mama's wealthier readers would like to buy this place for us? We'd make the monthies. Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

UPDATE: Eddie Murphy

In other New Jersey celebrity real estate news, wildly rich actor/comedian Eddie Murphy has chopped the asking price of his Englewood, NJ estate to $14,990,000.

The 4+ acre Brayton Street estate was originally listed five years ago with an astounding $30,000,000, a price that by December of 2006 was reduced to $22,000,000 and then again to $19,500,000.

The colossal Colonial style beast–known by the cutesy name of Bubble Hill–measures 25,000 square feet and contains 32 rooms with 8 bedrooms, 12 terlits in 8 full and 4 half poopers, an indoor swimming pool with an arched glass roof, two lane bowling alley, a paneled billiard room, full sized racquetball court, a professional recording studio, a carriage house with a home gym, at least three fireplaces, garaging for at least 5 autos, and, of course, an elevator because people this rich do not use stairs.

Bubble Hill is not the only large and lavish estate Mister Murphy has on the market. Back in June of 2007 Your Mama discussed Clove Hill Farm, Mister Murphy's 205-acre spread in upstate New York. At that time, the 5 bedroom and 5.5 pooper property in rural Poughquag, NY was listed with an asking price of $8,995,000. The price tag now stands at a significantly reduced $5,995,000.

As far as we know, Mister Murphy's primary residence continues to be an 18,598 square feet behemoth in the guard gated Beverly Park development in Beverly Hills, CA that records indicate includes a staggering 10 bedrooms and 17 poopers.

Whitney Houston Lists New Jersey Properties

SELLER: Whitney Houston
LOCATION: North Gate Road, Mendham Township, NJ
PRICE: $2,500,000
SIZE: 12,561 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4 full and 2 half bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Extraordinary living space abound in this stunning home on a peaceful, gated 5 acre lot. Soaring ceilings, abundant natural light, and circular-themed interior spaces are the hallmarks of this home.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Late last night Your Mama received a covert communique from from Yougotta B. Serious that Grammy winning-pop-gospel Whitney Houston has listed her former home in Mendham Township, NJ with an asking price of $2,500,000. In addition to a brick faced mansion that troubled couple owned in Alpharetta, GA, this circular themed house was on occasion featured in the high-lariously camp, jaw dropping and more than likely drug fueled reality program Being Bobby Brown that ran for only one season in 2005 on the Bravo channel.

At that time, Ms. Houston and all her people were still denying that the singer was smoking crack, freebasing cocaine or partaking in any other kind of illegal substance. Oh children, remember Ms. Houston's mortifying and absurd interview with Diane Sawyer when she said, "Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack...Crack is whack!" Oh yes, that was some good tee-vee times. Good times. Maybe it makes us callous and shallow, but there is nothing so amusing to Your Mama than a famous person–or even better, a politician–doing a terrible job of lying like a rug right up on the national tee-vee.

Ms. Houston has since admitted publicly–on Oprah Winfrey's show, natch–that Bobby Brown was her drug of choice and that together they were hooked on the cocaine and the mary-jane. She told the Big O that, "It was me and him together. You know, we were partners. And that's what my high was. Him. He and I being together. And whatever we did, we did together. No matter what, we did it together." Lo-ward have mercy, even sober this bee-hawtcha is all kinds of crazy.

Anyhoo, prior to her lost years as a dope fiend, Ms. Houston sold millions and millions of records earning high praise, oodles of accolades and bazillions of dollars. She was one of the most famous and successful singers of all time. However, back in the mid 2000s her life at the top was making a mad dash down the terlit. Thanks to an intervention by her fed up momma Cissy Houston, but Ms. Houston finally quit Bobby Brown in 2006, moved to the west coast, got herself some new chomper–or at least they looking like new ones, and started singing again, releasing an album in October 2007 that has produced at least two hit singles. And good for her. We don't care for Ms. Houston's brand of power pop-gospel ballads but we do appreciate her rising Phoenix-like out of Bobby Brown's sad ashes. Speaking of Bobby Brown, well that little lamb floating is around looking all kinds of broke down and road hard, making a child with one baby momma and getting hauled into court for not paying support to another baby momma. We don't know nuthin' from a burlap bag but Your Mama imagines poor Bobby Brown is probably shopping around some tawdry reality tee-vee program and wishing he was still aboard his the Mrs. Money Train.

Anyhoo, we're not here to discuss Ms. Houston's private life and heaven knows it is not our prerogative to discuss Bobby Brown so let's get on to the matter at hand. Property records indicate Ms. Houston snatched up her circular-themed mansion in Mendham Township during the height of her fame in July of 1987. Records show the North Gate Road estate sprawls across 5.1 gated acres and includes a meandering, multi-winged modern mansion the measures a hefty 12,561 square feet. There's no question that twelve and some thousand square feet is huge, but it would feel like a picayne cabin in the woods iffin Your Mama had to live in that house with Bobby Brown and his thinks-he's-so-charming and over-sized ego.

Listing information reveals Ms. Houston's home contains 5 bedrooms with 4 full and 2 half poopers including a round master bedroom painted a hair raising shade of peach that makes Your Mama want to run bamboo shoots into our eyeballs. The massive master bedroom has a curving wall of floor to ceiling glass that looks out on to the back yard, another wall of frosted, curving glass that acts as an interior wall, wall to wall carpeting and a built in bed sitting atop a circular platform. To quote Ms. Houston herself, Your Mama says, "Hell to the no" on the dreadful architecture and day-core of her boo-dwar. Just to clarify, the master bathroom in this New Jersey mansion is not the crack den bathroom which her sister in law Tina Brown so kindly sold photos of to the tabloids. That was, allegedly, her bathroom down in suburban Atlanta.

A wide walkway though the neglected landscaping in the front yard leads to the front door which opens to a long, gently curving entrance hall with a peach colored tile floor that is separated from the circular living room by a curving curtain of Frank Lloyd Wright-ish stained glass. The "formal" living room has 4 or more puffy white sofas lined up along a soaring wall of curving glass with sheer drapery, a monolithic stone fireplace, a sunken bar with swiveling barrel "bar stools," a massive dome-like sky light and wall to wall carpeting that Your Mama imagines has as much cocaine trapped in its fibers as is in all of the country of Columbia.

The large dining room also has peach colored tile floors, a curving wall of floor to ceiling glass, and a long, glass dining room table with 10 chairs that went out of style way back in 1987. The kitchen has more peach colored tile floors, a large work island with a circular sky light over head, white cabinetry that looks like cheap Melamine but is probably–we hope–a material of higher quality, and a dark peach tile back splash that gives Your Mama the chills, but not in the good way. The kitchen opens to the family room which has, yes, even more peach colored tile floors, a fireplace, a long curving wall of floor to ceiling windows that have been swagged with an ass-uglee yellow schmatta for which someone probably charged Ms. Houston $40,000 or some other absurd amount that sounded reasonable to a coked out Ms. Houston. The children will notice that the rug in the family room is the same as in the dining room. Perhaps the rug dealer was having some sort of special that day?

As best as Your Mama can tell the grounds include large lawn areas that likely take a lake to keep green, a number of patios and terraces that ring the rear of the house, a swimming pool with adjacent pool house and a tennis court. Oh low-erd children, just try to imagine Ms. Houston swinging a damn racket at a little yellow ball.

Whitney also owns the house next door, at 1 Cross Way, which she picked up in July of 1993 for $573,477. Presumably this house was used for staff, family, guests or perhaps as recording studio. Or maybe it's where Ms. Houston made Bah-BAY live when he got particularly obnoxious. That house was also listed for sale in mid-September with an asking price of $949,900 but appears to be under contract and no longer available. The property, connected to the first only by a meandering pathway, measures 5.07 acres and includes a 3,410 square foot house (as per assessor) with 3 bedrooms, 3 poopers, an indoor lap swimming pool and a full size basketball court in the back yard, and a children's playground for the now teenaged Bobbi Christina.

Property records indicate that Ms. Houston still owns a waterfront condominium in North Bergen, NJ that was purchased in November of 1989 for $955,000. Back in their salad days, Whit and Bah-BAY owned an 8,022 square foot house on Tullamore Place in Alpharetta, GA. Although it was widely reportedly that the Tullamore Place property was seized and sold by the lender after the erstwhile couple failed to keep up with the mortgage, it was, according to records and Mister Big Time, actually sold in a more traditional sale in May of 2007 for $1,190,000.

Ms. Houston is reported to be living down behind the Orange Curtain in a southern California community called Laguna Hills, but honestly chickens, we've not been able to confirm that. Your Mama's powers of celebrity real estate discovery are only so powerful.

P.S. Thanks for all the well wishes in the last couple of days. Just to clarify, it was the Dr. Cooter's mother–Mama Cooter–that went under the knife and not Your Mama. All went well and thanks again. We made sure Mama Cooter saw some of the missives, comments and communiques and she was thrilled.

Billie Joe Armstrongs Not Very Punk Rock House

SELLER: Billie Joe Armstrong
LOCATION: Manchester Drive, Oakland, CA
PRICE: $4,850,000
SIZE: 6,122 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Custom Mark Becker French Normandy resides on original Julia Morgan "Red Gate" Steps. Fully gated. Level-in. Large open spaces. Exquisite.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Way back in mid-September of 2009 Your Mama received many missives regarding the Oakland, CA home of kohl-eyed pop-punk rocker Billie Joe Armstrong of the band Green Day who had listed his house in the hills with an asking price of $4,850,000. We intended to write about the Mark Becker designed domicile but by the time we got around to it, every Tom, Dick, Harry and Sally who writes about celebrity real estate had beaten Your Mama to the punch. We decided the surprisingly dignified manse had been well covered and moved on. However, nearly every day–seriously chickens, every damn day–we get "tips" and inquiries from curious children regarding the property and figured that if so many people cared enough to put listing information for the property in Your Mama's inbox and in front of our boozy eyeballs, the least we could do is write about it. Besides, we don't have much else exciting on our agenda this morning and we'll keel over and die a long slow death if we write another damn word about Nic Cage, his financial brouhaha and his great property sell off.

Listing information indicates Billie Joe Armstrong's abode, located in the Upper Rockridge neighborhood, was built on the former grounds of a lavish estate known as Red Gate which was designed by brilliant Hearst Castle architect Julia Morgan in 1911 for a man named Charles B. Wells. Your Mama does not know–or really even care–who Mister Wells is or what happened to his big ol' house, so don't pester Your Mama asking about it. Property records show the married and openly bisexual B.J. Armstrong purchased the property in July of 1997 for $600,000. Given that records show the 6,122 square foot French Normandy style residence was completed in 1999, we're going to assume Mister and Missus Armstrong had the house custom built. Listing information indicates the house has "5+" bedrooms and "4++" poopers. However, after perusing the floor plan included with listing information Your Mama counts 5 bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms on the floor plan so we haven't a clue what this "+" and "++" nonsense is all about unless there are bedrooms and terlits not accounted for on the floor plan.

Since the house has been emptied of B.J. Armstrong's personal belongings, painted in a neutral shade of beige and staged with a lot of white, brown and beige things it's really unnecessary to discuss the day-core. Iffin any of the children want a glimpse of the manner in which Mister and Missus Armstrong decorated, have a look-see here. While the house had a wee bit more personality when it was furnished with the Armstrong's this and thats, it was all very Pottery Barn-ish which is clearly a long, long way from being punk rock. But then again, as far as Your Mama is concerned, Green Day is a long way from real punk rock too, so what else can we expect in a pop-punkers pad?

The front door to the residence is, unfortunately, located on the opposite side of the house from the gated motor court which means that except for the hunky UPS man, the pimpled pizza gurl and those pesky, door knocking Jehovah's Witnesses, the front door is unlikely to be used much by the owner. This is a real pity given that the wood floored entrance hall has this wonderful, swooping staircase and an amazing chandelier that looks like it might be from Morocco or Turkey or some other exotic place.

In addition to the entrance hall, the main floor includes a nearly 30 foot square living room with an imposing fireplace and windows on four sides, a generously sized dining room that opens through French doors to the front porch and has sunset views, and a window wrapped office/library with two sets of French doors that open to a small terrace that overlooks the swimming pool.

A short hall with a guest pooper leads from the foyer to the back door and the home's more casual quarters. The kitchen, according to listing information, is equipped with a professional range, double ovens, dual dishwashers, a Sub-Zero brand fridge, pantry, office nook, and a large island with an eating counter, vegetable sink and wine fridge. The kitchen is open to the breakfast area which spills down a couple of steps into the wood floored family room which includes another large fireplace–there are four in the house, built in entertainment cabinetry, and a built in window seat with long and lovely views all the way to San Francisco.

The curving staircase leads to the meandering and rambling second floor which includes a laundry room, two family bedrooms that share a pooper, a third bedroom with a peaked ceiling and private pooper, and the master bedroom. Well located far from the family bedrooms, the master suite is comprised of a bedroom with a fireplace, a small balcony with views of San Francisco, a gigantic, multi-winged walk-in closet, and a large but very beige bathroom with double sinks, a terlit closet, separate shower and a spa tub.

The lower level features a bedroom with a private pooper perfect for in-laws or live in staff, a room described in listing information as a "red velvet lounge" with built in cabinetry for the boob-toob and a wet bar. The remainder of the lower lever consists of three windowless rooms that Mister Armstrong has kitted out as a private recording and sound studio. We're sure it was really great for him to be able to record and fool around on the gee-tar at home, but these rooms will serve little purpose for a new owner unless they're converted to some other use such as a wine cellar, home gym, or s/m dungeon.

The property also includes a three car attached garage, a multitude of terraces and patios that take advantage of the elevated siting, and a heated swimming pool with an automatic pool cover and an adjacent cabana with fireplace, bathroom, and outdoor shower.

Property records show that in addition to their Oakland digs, Mister and Missus Armstrong also own a house on ritzy Balboa Island in Newport Beach, CA which they scooped up in April of 2006 for $1,699,000 as well as a modest house on Roy Street in St. Paul, MN that they purchased in June of 2002. Saint Paul, MN seemed to Your Mama like an unlikely location for a California born and based rock star to own home, but a little research on the interweb reveals the Missus Armstrong, Adrienne, is from that neck of the mid-western woods as is Chow-Lee, one of Your Mama's long time comrades whom we will be visiting come Halloween time. Listen chickens, Your Mama is already stockpiling the nerve pills for this trip because not only will we be holed up in a house with Chow-Lee's three (smart and lovely but loud) children, but we're winging to Minny-soh-tuh with our messy bestie Fiona Trambeau whom Your Mama fully expects will show up at the airport in some kind of unflattering and overly revealing Spandex get up that she'll claim is a "traveling suit." We just hope we don't have a repeat of what happened the last time Your Mama and Fiona went to see Chow-Lee when ol' Fiona got so pie-eyed in the airport lounge that we had to coax her off the lap of a married man with a big bottle of voddie from the duty free, pour her into a wheelchair and lift her sloppy ass into her first class seat while she groped the trolly dollies and hollered about needing damn cigarette. But that's a sordid story for another time and another place.

So far we've been unable to locate any new property purchases by the Armstrongs so it's unclear if they'll be relocating to Newport Beach or if they plan on staying in the Bay Area.

Is Daniel Radcliffe the Next Nic Cage

BUYER: Daniel Radcliffe
LOCATION: West 12th Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $5,650,000
SIZE: 3,000 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This lovingly renovated townhouse is one of three adjoining homes built by a sea captain in 1847 for his three daughters. The property is on one of New York's most picturesque tree-lined landmark cobblestone blocks: West 12th Street, between Greenwich and Washington Street. The 18 plus-foot-wide house faces South, and is soaked in sunlight throughout the day. The sizable open garden and backyard is cooled by beautiful old trees and landscaping.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Harry Potter multi-millionaire actor Daniel Radcliffe has gone and done it again in downtown New York City.

In November of 2007, the young and remarkably pallid Mister Radcliffe spent $4,300,000 for a fifth floor apartment at the Jean Nouvel designed apartment block in SoHo known as 40 Mercer, which also happens to be its address, of course. Mister Harry Potter never moved his magic wand into the 1,843 square foot, 2 bedroom and 2.5 pooper condo which he quickly put up for lease with and asking rent price of $20,000 per month.

A few months later, in February of 2008, the wee wizard dumped another $4,900,000 on a 3 bedroom and 3.5 pooper condo at the hulking 1 Morton Square building in the far West Village overlooking the Hudson River. For what it's worth, 1 Morton Square is the very same building where comedienne Amy Poeler and her comedian huzband Will Arnett live and where pint sized twin moguls Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen own but do not occupy a sprawling 5 bedroom and 4.5 pooper penthouse condo. Anyhoo, it was reported at the time that Mister Radcliffe planned on moving into the 2,450 square foot prior to beginning his nekkid run in Equus on Broadway. Mister Radcliffe's 11th floor condo has a 400+ square foot living room with a semi-circular glass wall with river views, a separate dining room, and an eat in kitchen with granite counter tops and a butler's pantry. The condo, ironically, has a 500-bottle wine cellar but, of course, Mister Radcliffe is not yet old enough to purchase booze in the good ol' puritanical U.S. of A.

Now, less than two years later and according to Mister Max Abelson at the NY Observer, Mister Radcliffe has scooped up a third downtown property, this time an historic townhouse on West 12th Street built in 1847 for a sea captain's daughter. Property records reveal Mister Radcliffe dumped $5,650,000 on the 4 floor plus basement, 18-foot wide townhouse which is currently divided into two units. The garden level contains a 1 bedroom and 1 bathroom apartment with private entry and private access to the 39 foot back garden. The top three floors comprise an open plan living/dining/kitchen area that stretches the full length of the house, 2 bedrooms and a split pooper on the second floor and another 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom on the third floor. The good people at Curbed have a few more photos and a bit more 411 on the property.

Now that young and slim and wildy rich Mister Radcliffe has picked up three multi-million dollar properties in lower Manhattan in as many years, the question begs to be asked: Will Daniel Radcliffe's Harry Potter success peter out leaving him with more luxury properties than he can afford to maintain? Before answering that chickens, remember that once upon a time financially beleaguered Nic Cage was riding high atop an Academy Award and making fifteen and 20 million clams a picture. Back in the late 1990s or early 2000s, no one might have imagined he'd be desperate to sell all his properties to pay the tax man. But he is.

More Nic Cage Property News Whether You Want It Or Not

This morning Your Mama awoke still boozy and bleary eyed to a flood of urgent and breathy emails from across the pond. It seems that everyone but the damn Queen of England was all kinds of eager to make Your Mama aware of a report in the Daily News about the financially strapped American actor Nic Cage selling his club shaped, 18th century castle located in Somerset, on the outskirts of Bath and about 118 miles from London.

Mister Cage purchased the 58.6 acre estate in Somerset back in the spring/summer of 2007 when he was still snatching up high priced properties like they were candy bars. It was widely rumored and reported that Mister Cage paid close to the £5,000,000 asking price, a figure our currency conversion contraption reveals is $7,980,400 at today's rates but would have been closer to $8,280,000 back in July of 2007.

Although Your Mama was completely unaware that the architecturally eccentric castle was for sale–in fact, we'd heard or read somewhere that Mister Cage and his former waitress wife Alice Kim were planning on making the castle their primary home and enrolling baby Cage in school locally–The Daily News reports that a buyer has offered Mister Cage an amount of money close to the £3,500,000 guide price, which would be an asking price of approximately $5,586,280 in Americanese at today's rates. A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that, if the report is accurate, Mister Cage could lose as much as $2,700,000 on the purchase and subsequent sale of the scenic and historic property. Your Mama imagines that Mister Cage and his tax people might like to show a net loss on next years tax forms, but even still, a two and some million dollar hit to the pocketbook has to hurt none the less.

In addition to a the trefoil shaped castle, the 58.6 acre estate includes a Gothic orangery, a former priory, a couple of cottages, chapel ruins and additional out buildings. According to the sales brochure graciously and generously provided by a couple of Your Mama's lovely limey children, the 4-floor castle includes 7 bedrooms, a drawing room, dining room, library, eat-in kitchen and laundry facilities. By Your Mama's count–all together and including the former staff accommodations on the lower ground floor–the idiosyncratic castle contains 26 rooms spread over 11,009 square feet with 4 hexagonal inner halls, 8 fireplaces and 3.5 poopers, plus a myriad of additional terlit and wash closets.

Mister Cage recently sold an approximately 9,000 square foot Georgian style townhouse in the famous 18th century Circus in nearby Bath. That 5- floor stunner has 5 bedrooms, 6 poopers, a 30-foot long kitchen, a large back garden and an indoor swimming pool in the basement. It was reported at the time that the townhouse was sold off to assist in paying for a restoration of Midford Castle. Apparently, whatever proceeds where realized from that sale were not enough to pay off Mister Cage's considerable debts, leins and back taxes and pay for any desired renovation work on the castle.

Of course, Mister Cage has about 49,000 other luxury properties on the market including what was once considered his primary residence in Bel Air, CA. As every man, woman and child surely knows by now, that Copa de Ora Road residence was originally listed with a teeth chattering price tag of $35,000,000. After many price chops and a failed sealed bid thingamajig in September of 2009, the house was hoisted back on the market with an asking price of $17,500,000. It appears–and had been widely reported including by Your Mama–that the property has finally gone under contract. It remains to be seen whether the transaction will close, at what price and to whom the 7 bedroom and 9 pooper mansion will next belong.

P.S. Your Mama would sincerely like to thank all the many folks who sent emails and forwarded links to stories regarding this matter. There were simply too many of y'all to thank individually but special shout outs must go to our finely feathered friend Flora and our British compatriot The London House Hound who went the extra mile and sent along the original sales brochure from when the property was listed for sale in 2007.