A Price Cut To End All Price Cuts

Patricia Kluge, wine maker, philanthropist and former wife of billionaire John Kluge, listed her 300-ish acre estate in rural and horsey Charlottesville, VA in October of 2009 to much publicity and hullabaloo due to the teeth chattering and bone chilling asking price of $100,000,000.

Ex-Mrs. Kluge–that's pronounce cloo-gee, lambs–built the English Country style manor house in 1985 when she was still married to Mister Kluge. They christened their palatial new pad with the very English sounding name of Albemarle. But alas.... In 1990 the wildly rich Kluges went their separate ways but not before they duked it out in the court of dee-vorce the result of which left ex-Missus Kluge as the owner of Albermarle and, it was widely reported, granted the ladee of the house alimony in the amount of $1,600,000...per week. Spend a minute or two thinking about that children. Be honest, what wouldn't y'all do for a million six a week?

Anyhoo, we don't know if the alimony amount is accurate but what is true, according to listing information, is that neo-Georgian style pile measures in at a monstrous 23,538 square feet and has 45 rooms including 8 bedrooms and 13 full and 2 half poopers. The brick built house was designed by noted classical architect David Easton and in addition to all the expected public rooms, the house includes a state of the art home theater, library, an in-home fitness center with spa and sauna, a card room and an Islamic gallery with an antique Syrian fountain.

The extensive grounds include a pool, pool house, a greenhouse, several staff cottages, three stocked ponds, a croquet lawn, an authentic log cabin guest house, and a front yard large enough to play polo or to accommodate the 18-hole Arnold Palmer designed golf course that was drawn up but never built.

Now here's the meat of the matter children: With no titans, tycoons or foreign potentates barking up her real estate tree, ex-Missus Kluge did what most people do who are eager to sell their house. She lowered the price tag. But children, ex-Missus Kluge didn't just lower the asking price, she chopped, lopped, hewed, hacked and whacked it all the way down to $48,000,000. That's a heart stopping 52% cut according to our hardworking and bejeweled abacus.

Your Mama cain't wonder in our itty-bitty and booze saturated brain why if ex-Missus Kluge was willing to list the property at forty-some million she would first go through the motions of listing the estate with such an outrageous, even ludicrous price of $100,000,000? Could it be all the brouhaha and free publicity the estate has received from all us naughty real estate gossips? Hmm. Could be. Or did she simply have a real estate reality check and realize there just ain't nobody but no-bah-dee spending a hundred million clams on a high maintenance country house nowadays?

source: TTR Sotheby's

The Beckhams Buying Clooney's Villa? Uh, Not According to Clooney

Oh dear lord, has the inevitable Vicki and David Beckham real estate crazy started in Italy? It seems to have and this time their whirlwind of alleged property purchasing has sucked an American film star and, natch, a Russian billionaire into its self-propelling vortex of real estat absurdity.

Today the Daily Mail reported that those crazy Beckhams are hot hot hot to buy one of George Clooney's two villas in Laglio, on the shores of Lake Como. The property in question is Villa Oleander, an architecturally symmetrical 18th century pile with 15 bedrooms that Mister Clooney bought back in 2002. The Oscar winning actor has used the dignified villa as a frequent vacation getaway despite his rumored frustration with all the dumb ass pee-pole who perpetually cruise by in their boats and snap photos of his dee-lishusness, his famous friends and his constantly rotating coterie of ladee pals. The villa is said to have a private swimming pool, tennis court, gym, and jetty that juts out into the lake that laps up against the wall that protects the well tended gardens.

According to the Daily Mail–whose real estate reports are always juicy but, as you'll soon see, sometimes not quite correct–Villa Oleander is reported to be quietly on the market with an asking price of £20,000,000. A quick consult with our currency conversion contraption shows that amounts to 30,856,600 U.S. clams at today's rates. The tawdry tab goes on to say that the Beckhams, those oh so fickle Beckhams, are in negotiations to purchase the villa, an act meant to scratch the couple's Italian real estate itch that allegedly came about when Mister Beckham moved to the boot shaped country in order to kick and pass balls for the AC Milan people.

The tattooed soccer stud–or soccer dud depending on who you ask–has reportedly been staying in a Milan hotel while on loan to AC Milan and, it would seem, Vicki's decided it's high time that they gear up to settle down in a real damn house where they can raise up their three piglets in proper superstar style.

The Daily Mail goes on to say that the Beckhams, bless their little real estate hearts, have competition for the purchase of Mister Clooney's villa in the form of a moon-faced Russian billionaire who built his fortune selling vodka and chocolate. 'Tis true. Well, the part about Tariko Roustam's source of wealth is true. Whether he's offered comely Mister Clooney the £30,000,000–that's $46,284,900 in the U-nited States–the Daily Mail says he did is another matter that Your Mama can't accurately speak to the accuracy of. What we will say is that if Clooney's casa is indeed for sale for twenty million British pounds then what would possess this Roustam chap to offer £10,000,000 more than that? Are y'all starting to smell a real estate fish?

Let's parse this bizness a bit, children. It makes Your Mama go 29 kinds of cross-eyed with skepticism–and it should do the same to y'all–when we consider the bizarre notion that these Beckhams–as mercurial as they may be–would go and spend thirty and some million smackers for a house in Italy when Mister Beckham is only scheduled to shake his money maker in Italy for the next few month. After that, we understand, he's a free agent who may or may not have a job in Italy come the opening of the next soccer season.

Plus, let's all recall that we've been through all this mad merry-go-round of rumor and reporting that a big name celebrity might buying Mister Clooney's villa on Lake Como before. Remember when everyone thought that Tom Crooze was going to buy Villa Margherita, Mister Clooney's other villa in Laglio? Bollux! Didn't happen. Then there were the ridiculous rumors that the high priestess of Scientology was going to marry his ladee-mate and baby maker Katie Holmes on the grounds of Clooney's villa? Crap. All crap. There are additional and recent reports that Mister Clooney, who is reported to be tired of dealing with all the looky-loos at Lake Como is considering purchasing a private island in Italy. More trash talk.

Despite the Daily Mail printing a quote from an I-talian fellow named "Mr. Proto" who said, " We are not in charge of the actual sale [of Mister Clooney's villa] but of finding suitable clients, the sale will be handled by an American real estate company," Mister Clooney's mouthpiece has finally weighed in on the matter producing a statement from his hotness himself that said, "I'm not buying an island an am not selling my house in Italy...the story was made up...then picked up...and now denied...end of another riveting day of false news."

So there you have it, children, all the cards on the table so to speak. According to Mister Clooney, his house is not for sale and according to "Mr. Proto"–whoever he is–the sale will be handled by an American company. We're going to let y'all decide who you believe but Your Mama sure knows who we this is speaking the truth...or at least the truthiness on the matter.

photo: Pacific Coast News

Bren Simon Lists Bel Air Beast at $50,000,000

SELLER: Bren Simon
LOCATION: Los Angeles (Bel Air), CA
PRICE: $50,000,000
SIZE: 19,584 square feet, 8 bedrooms, 16 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Buckle up babies, this is going to be a long and bumpy ride.

On the 16th of September of 2009, burly and bearded mall magnate Mel Simon went to meet the great property developer in the sky. Just five months later his second wife and widow Bren Simon listed the couple's palatial pile in Bel Air with a spine chilling asking price of $50,000,000. So we thought it might be fun for the children to not only have a look-see at the Simon's sumptuous spread in Bel Air but also to have a roam around some of the other properties in the wildly rich widow's real estate portfolio.

Before we get to the real estate, Your Mama would be remiss in our "reporting" if we did not first discuss the increasingly litigious kerfuffle over Mister Simon's billion dollar-plus fortune. The warring parties are, as y'all might expect, the Widda Simon and her three step-children. The Indiana-based Mister Simon, who co-owned the Indiana Pacers basketball team for many years, was one of the richest men in the Midwest with a staggering fortune that has been estimated between one point three to well over two billion bucks.

According to multiple previous reports, until about seven months before Mister Simon expired at the ripe old age of 82, his will granted one-third of his fortune directly to Missus Simon. Another third was to be placed in a trust with all proceeds flowing to Missus Simon and upon her passing the principal of the trust would then be divided between Mister Simon's three offspring from his first marriage and a daughter born to Missus Simon from her first marriage. Mister and Missus Simon were and are well known and generous philanthropists. They once gave a stunning $50,000,000 to Indiana University, twenty five of which was earmarked for cancer research. In accordance with and continuing their tradition of big giving, the remaining third of Mister Simon's fortune was to go into charitable trusts that would fund tens of millions of dollars in donations to charities every year. After a predetermined period of time, any funds remaining in the charitable trust(s) were to be divided among Mister Simon's children.

The meat of the ugly dispute between Missus Simon and her trio of adult step-children is that just months before his death Mister Simon signed new documents that changed the terms of his long standing estate plan. Much to the chagrin of the Simon siblings, the new documents give Missus Simon half of the estate directly as opposed to just one-third. That's a difference, kiddies, of a couple hundred million clams, so you can see why everyone is so bothered and betwixt over the issue.

In early January of 2010, one of Mister Simon's children filed a lawsuit that claims that in the spring of 2009 her dear departed daddy was dealing with dementia and was far too compromised to sign a new will. The lawsuit states that Mister Simon's signing would have required someone hold a pen in his hand and assist in moving his arm as he "signed" the documents.

Misssus Simon has, natch, filed her own lawsuit. Interestingly, Missus Simon's filing does not dispute that her dying husband needed help with the signature due to his "Parkinsonian symptoms." Missus Simon also contends that although he needed assistance holding the pen, Mister Simon was in his right mind, understood the ramifications of the alterations and was the captain steering the ship that would reassign a huge chunk of his fortune.

Missus Simon declares and explains in her court documents that Mister Simon changed his will in a manner that greatly increased her share of the estate in part because at the time of the signing the economy was swirling down the terlit and due do dwindling stock prices Mister Simon's net worth and income had declined considerably. He was, she says, concerned about her having enough income to sustain her lifestyle. At the time of the signing, the shares of the Simon Property Group, a publicly traded enterprise of which Mister Simon owned a significant chunk, had dipped to $38 per share. Since the new will was put in place the share price has bounced back to over $70 per share, increasing the size of Mister Simon's fortune by hundreds of millions of dollars. Missus Simon also claims in her filing that an additional reason Mister Simon opted to alter his will was due to concerns that his three children would not act in the step-mommy's best financial interest should they be in a situation in which they would have some control over her financial affairs or business interests. Oh dear. Ouch! That's an ugly stab in an open wound, ain't it?

That, children, is where things currently stand in the legal stand off between Missus Simon and her step-children and is the pedestal on which we stand during our discussion of Missus Simon's hoity toity habitat in Bel Air.

Property records show that in August of 2006, Indiana based Mister and Missus Simon laid out $27,500,275 for their West Coast crib that occupies a prime position on Bellagio Road in a prestigious old Bel Air East Gate location. At first Your Mama thought we didn't even need to pull our bejeweled abacus out of is bedazzled case to figure out that Missus Simon rather audaciously thinks her big ol' beast of a house has nearly doubled in value despite having bought it at the tippy-top of a white hot real estate market that has since cooled considerably. However, a bit more peeping and poking around the property records reveals that in June of 2007 Mister and Missus Simon bought the adjacent property for $8,800,000. The couple proceeded to knock the the existing house down and replace it with a private parking area. That's right, a parking lot. Taking the addition of the adjacent property into account brings Missus Simon's outlay for the entire estate for just over $36,000,000 less any renovations, repairs, upgrades or do overs. Even still, my little lemon bars, slapping that fifty million smacker asking price on the property in a molasses-y market takes some serious real estate cajones, which Missus Simon clearly has.

Before we get into some details let's look at Missus Simon's house by the numbers: the compound is comprised of two lots that cover approximately 1.5 acres. The house, according to the tax man, stands three stories and measures a monstrous 19,584 square feet. Listing information indicated the royalty worthy abode contains subterranean parking for 10 automobiles, 7 fireplaces, 1 elevator, 8 bedrooms and an astonishing 16 poopers that surely require Missus Simon keep a full time minimum wage gurl who does nuthin' but scrub terlits all day long. The master bedroom alone, according to listing information, spans 2,000 square feet, which is almost as large as the average American home. Think about that for a moment. If that's not enough to get some righteous dander up, we don't know what is.

A long, gated, crushed granite driveway leads to a narrow motor court that gives way to to a second motor court through an arched tunnel. The exterior appears to be clad in limestone.. Listen, don't none of you children go repeating that like you know what you're talking about because we don't really know what the house is clad in, we're just guessing it's limestone of some sort. Anyhoo, the lavishly appointed interiors include a lovely if stuffy looking living room with an over-sized herringbone patterned hardwood floor, a wood coffered ceiling, and a slew of French doors that open out to the terraces and gardens the ring the residence.

Other public rooms include a banquet hall sized formal dining room and a library with intricately detailed and inlaid wood paneling and celadon accented day-core. Family quarters include a gourmet kitchen that we presume Missus Simon has seen only a few times, a family room, a media/music room with leathers chairs and horrendous wall to wall carpeting woven with a swirling pattern of movie film, a billiard room, a wine cellar, and work out facilities that contain gym equipment, a spa, sauna and swim pool. There is also, according to listing information, an attached guest apartment and a poolside lounge.

A rectangular swimming pool has been wedged into the backyard between the house and the golf course of the Bel Air Country Club. But, honestly chickens, Your Mama has a tough time seeing the the well preserved Missus Simon out of door let alone slathered in cocoa butter and catching a tan in her buh-keenee but that's really neither here not there about our subject matter, is it?

Missus Simon's nearby neighbors include Gary Winnick and his $90,000,000 estate, Sandy Gallin and his freshly rehabbed house on Siena Way that's listed at 26.95 million clams, and semiconductor tycoon Walter "Jerry" Sanders the Third. So the property is in proper company to fetch a high price. A tumble to the real estate listings shows that there really isn't a lot of competition out there in the $50,000,000 market. In addition to any of the major estates being shopped around off market, there's Iris Cantor's pile on St. Cloud Road listed at $53,000,000, there's the Yorkin estate on Delfern that was listed this week with an asking price of $49,500,000 and there's that insane 30 bedroom and 40 bathroom monstrosity on Nimes Road listed at $36,000,000. A small number of homes in that price range might seem like a good thing since it creates a certain sort of demand. But let's get serious for a second butter beans, how many filthy rich people are going to throw real estate caution to the wind in this kind of slumpy, dumpy economy and opt for a fifty million dollar manse when there scads of mansions in the twenty to thirty million dollar range? Plus, given that there hasn't been a fifty million dollar sale in Los Angeles in years, Your Mama thinks Missus Simon and her real estate people just might be in for a Sisyphusian challenge.

Now then, let's move on to some of the Simon's other super luxe digs. Unfortunately Your Mama simply does not have the time, energy or–we confess–the inclination to perform a full accounting of all the many other properties around the U.S. of A. owned by Mel and Bren Simon. Instead we've opted to narrow our focus and touch on just a few of the more important properties that are currently or were recently owned by the Mister and Missus Simon who as a couple were, clearly, a couple of unrepentant real estate size queens.

The house on Bellagio Road is not the Simon's first foray into insanely pricey property in the platinum triangle. In October of 2006, just after buying the Bel Air house she's currently looking to unload, the Simons sold a vacant parcel on Bel Air Road for $8,500,000 to her then neighbor, media mogul and multi-billionaire Jerrold Perenchio. As we all know from the run down Your Mama did on Mister Perenchio's real estate holdings in late January of 2010, the high priced property vacuum owns no less than 6 parcels on Bel Air Road that comprise his elephantine estate, the mammoth main house of which was originally used for the exterior shots of the classic program The Beverly Hillbillies.

The following year Missus Simon rid herself of a 10,774 square foot triple story residence adjacent to the vacant Bel Air Road parcel she sold to Mister Perenchio. Missus Simon scooped up the elaborate mansion, which was modeled after Le Petit Trianon in Versailles and contains 9 bedrooms and 12 poopers, in June of 2005 for $13,000,000. She sold the hulking house in August of 2007 to big biznessman and hotelier David Adelipour for $16,000,000.

Records also show that in January of 2007 Missus Bren bought a modest home in Encino, CA that happens to be just down the road a piece from Joe Simpson....That would be Ashlee and Jessica's daddy. The 3,504 square foot house has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms and we can't think of a single reason Missus Bren might buy this house unless it was to house her staff.

In 1986, Mister and Missus Simon pulled themselves up to the big boy real estate table in Palm Beach, FL when they forked over about $6,000,000 to buy Villa de Venezia, a monumentally scaled oceanfront mansion built in 1929 by Harold K. Vanderbilt (shown above). Technically, the manse is in Manalapan, just south of Palm Beach, but anyhoo.... It seems almost comical now, but at that time the purchase represented the second highest price paid for a private residence in Palm Beach County. The politically active pair hosted many events at the dee-luxe estate including a dinner for then president Bill Clinton and later a dinner for his wife and senator to be Hillary Clinton.

In 2000, the Mister and Missus Simon sold the 52-room pile for $29,900,000 to Veronica and Randolph Hearst. This was just months before Mister Hearst breathed his last breath. Many of the children will surely recall that despite many machinations, delays and a hurried sell off of art and jewelry, Miz Hearst lost the staggeringly huge and elegant house to the hungry jaws of foreclosure. It appears to Your Mama that the Simons did not purchase another house in the Palm Beach area.

In addition to several condos in particularly posh parts of Colorado, records show that in May of 1995 Mister and Missus Simon spent $5,990,000 for a 10,328 square foot ski house in Aspen, CO that sits on 5.43 acres and contains 6 bedrooms and 9 bathrooms. Missus Bren continues, according to the tax man, to own the property.

The Simon family seat has long been their unimaginably vast estate on Ditch Road in swanky Carmel, IN that is surrounded by its own private 10 green golf course that can played in a variety of ways that give it 27 different holes. Previous reports indicate Mister Simon bought the property–or at least began buying up the multi-parcel property–in 1973. Eventually the estate ballooned to more than 100 acres. In 1999, the original house burned to the ground and Mister and Missus Simon replaced it with a behemoth 43,000-plus square foot mega-manse they dubbed Asherwood. In addition to all the usual accouterments such as tennis court, swimming pool, guest house and perfectly manicured gardens, Asherwood includes a 2,700 square foot spa, and a 1,300 square foot library.

There have been whispers and reports that Mister and Missus Simon were considering donating Asherwood to Indiana University, but the $1,000,000 per year required to maintain the sprawling property was a concern for the learning institution and an additional cash gift to be used for maintenance would likely be included if such a donation were to be made. It makes sense that the property would be donated because, seriously sweeties, how many people can afford–or even want–a fifty or hundred million dollar estate? In Indiana.

(Don't none of you Hoosier people get your panties is a bunch. Your Mama's momma has kinfolk in Indiana and we have made many wonderful trips to your fair state. While Your Mama could never live stomach living that far from an ocean, we always found the folks in those parts to be incredibly open and hospitable.)

In 2008, according to previous reports, the couple initiated plans to downsize and purchased a Beaux-Arts style residence in the nearby village of West Clay. The couple paid around $2,500,000 for the three story, 4 bedroom and 4 bathroom residence. It's unclear if either Mister or Missus Simon spent a single night in the home nor does Your Mama have any idea whatsoever if Missus Simon plans on keeping or occupying the property.

Your Mama doesn't have a clue what Missus Simon plans to do or where she plans to live now that she's an incredibly wealthy single gal about town but wherever she lands, it will surely be big, opulent and far more expensive than most people could even dream of spending on a home.

source: Jerry Jolton / Coldwell Bank Previews International and Bing (aerials)

Another Celeb Selling at Colossal Loss

SELLER: Sharon Stone
LOCATION: N. Beverly Drive
PRICE: $8,995,000
SIZE: 6,640 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Just like so many regular folks around this U-nited States of America, celebrities are facing leviathan losses on the sale of property and it seems that almost everyday brings more news of another high-profile person stuck between a rock and a real estate hard place. In February alone Your Mama has discussed real estate losses endured or expected by Beck in Malibu, Lil Wayne in Miami, Kate Walsh and Ashley Olsen in Los Angeles, Ashlee Simpson in Beverly Hills, Eddie Cibrian in Calabasas, and the current grandmuhmah of celebrity real estate calamities, Scarlett Johanson who recently listed her house in the Outpost Estates area of Los Angeles for a staggering $2,050,000 less than she paid for it in May of 2007.

The next cynosure of celebrity up to Your Mama's increasingly crowded plate of real estate catastrophe is Sharon Stone, the former Mack-Donalds counter gurl turned Oscar nominated actress, three times dee-vorced single mommy, tireless AIDS activist, fearless fashion maverick, and all around koo-koo bird. The middle aged vamp and dee-voon vortex of cuh-razee has a Beverly Hills, CA white elephant on the market for a seizure inducing $2,000,000 less than she paid for it nearly 4 years ago.

Let's get in our celebrity real estate time machines and go back to the beginning because this is quite a saga and Your Mama wants all the children to have a full understanding of Miz Stone's epic struggle. In March of 2006, the boob baring she-devil paid $10,995,000 for a N. Beverly Drive estate, purchasing the property from the very same gentleman who, y'all might be interested to know, subsequently bought the former Ridgedale Drive domicile of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Almost immediately, our favorite and ever so fickle femme fatale–who never even occupied the North Beverly Drive digs–had a real estate change of heart and just 4 months after signing on the dotted line flipped the posh property back on the market with a much inflated and characteristically cocky asking price of $12,500,000.

The 4.85 acre estate was de-listed and re-listed several times over the next year or so until November of 2007 when it vanished from the open market. In May of 2008 the property popped back up on the market with a new asking price of $10,000,000, a figure that represented a painful, million dollar plus loss for Miz Stone. At that point, our favorite mercurial minx decided that if no one wanted to buy the damn house then maybe someone would pay her a colossal clump of cash to lease the property. So that's just what She-rah Sharon did. According to multiple reports from the time, Miz Stone and her team of real estate people leased the property in the fall of 2008 at a rate of $35,000 per month to a bidness person whose name Your Mama knows but is of no consequence.

Sadly, butter beans, Miz Stone hasn't worked her sexpot stuff in a film of any note or success since 2006 when she appeared in Bobby and that embarrassing bomb Basic Instinct 2. Democrazy in 2007, $5 a Day in 2008 and Streets of Blood in 2009 just don't compare, count or keep a high-maintenance bee-hawtcha like Miz Stone rolling in clover. We're not saying the ladee is broke because she is most assuredly not. However, by late 2009 Your Mama imagines Miz Stone–not to mention her accountant–was 49 kinds of miffed, peeved and annoyed that this North Beverly Drive estate was still dragging down and draining her bank account. Once the tenant vacated the premises in the fall of 2009, the North Beverly Drive property was again hoisted onto the open market with a reduced asking price of $8,995,000. It doesn't take much bead flicking on our bejeweled abacus to figure out that's a mind numbing and ball busting two million dollars less than Miz Stone paid for the place nearly 4 years ago.

The privately situated estate sits at the tail end of North Beverly Drive, at the base of a steep hillside that rises dramatically like Miz Stone's personality up to the guard gated enclave of Beverly Park. The unoccupied property is, in fact, so close to Beverly Park that should our gal Sharon be so inclined she could strap on a pair of rubber-soled stilettos and scamper right up the hillside and into the backyards of Sylvester Stallone, Sumner Redstone and/or Paul Reiser. Spend a few minutes visualizing that tender morsel of dee-lishusness, children. Imagine settin' out back by the pool, the breeze rustles the leaves in the trees while your skin browns like butter in a hot saute pan and the birds chirp with summertime glee. Then, all of the sudden, up out of the scrub comes Sharon damn Stone in nuthin' but a fishnet bathing suit and those rubber sold stilettos. Her lips are painted red like fire, her eyes a-glitter with audacity and you know in your soul she wants a pound of flesh because, well, Sharon always wants a pound of flesh. After picking a few nettles from her cattywompus wig and pretending to regain some composure and dignity she says, "Syl, hunny, it's me, Share-bear. What? Oh, stop it right now. Don't you worry that cock-eyed little mouth of yours about the bushes I busted up climbing over your damn fence. I'll send Hector and Waynie over to fix that shit tomorrow. Now listen dolly, stud, man of many muscles, Momma needs a cup of sugar, a new Bentley and, damnations and tarnations, we gotta pay the got-damn property taxes on that albatross down there. We need a job. So, yummykins, do you think you could find it in your I-talian heart to throw this well preserved ol' bag a bone and slip me into a lead role in Rambo 17? Or maybe something in Rocky 12? Whaddaya say beefcakes? Can you show Share-Share some love?"

Anyhoo, listing information shows the new-fangled mock-Mediterranean main house measures 6,640 square feet and includes 5 bedrooms and 6 poopers. In addition to a state of the art media room and work out room, an additional detached guest house contains another 2 bedrooms and 2 poopers bringing the estate's total to 7 bedrooms and 8 poopers.

The interior rooms, all done up and did over with Venetian plaster, include a living room with inlaid and honed limestone floors, a fireplace and a row of glass sliders that disappear into the wall. The adjacent dining room, separated from the living room by a built in freestanding entertainment center, has a trio of gently arched windows that look out to the gardens and the gore-may kitchen has a not entirely harmonious combination of granite and butcher block counter tops, parquet flooring, and a walk-in pantry. Interestingly and much to Your Mama's chagrin, there is a mish-mash of appliances in the cookery. The range, which is, strangely, half the size of the vent hood, is stainless steel but the wall ovens are black. The main sink, a giant triple basin number, is white porcelain while the vegetable sink in the work island is stainless steel. This is okay in budget kitchen re-do where the owner has to buy whatever is on sale at the Home Despot, but it is inexcusable in a nine million dollar mansion.

Other rooms include a hardwood paneled den with ecru wall to wall carpeting, built in cabinetry, large six-pane windows, and a fireplace with green marble surround and hearth. We're not sure what that wood tray thing in the ceiling is but it's really quite terrifying. The master suite, which an older listing called "lavish" includes wall to wall carpeting, billowing beige curtains, built in cabinetry fitted with a flat screen tee-vee, French doors that open to a private terrace, and a fireplace–the third of four in the house–stuck into the corner like an afterthought.

The walled, gated, heavily secured and lushly landscaped grounds include a circular drive, a lagoon style swimming pool, meandering pathways that criss-cross the property and lead to secluded sitting areas, a meditation garden surrounded by fruit trees, and a north/south lighted tennis court and its adjacent viewing pavilion.

Your Mama, who does not know a cook book from a cookie jar, doesn't know if Miz Stone ever intended to occupy the property on North Beverly Drive or if, like so many other rich and famous folks in 2006, bought the beast thinking she could flip it for a huge profit. What we do know is that Miz Stone stayed put in the nearly 8,000 square foot Dawnridge Drive mansion she bought pre-Phil Bronstein in March of 1995 for $3,200,000 and there, we'd guess, is where she'll stay.

Note: The Valerie Fitzgerald Group nor Valerie Fitzgerald were sources for this post.

Sinbad Lists in Horsey Hidden Hidden

SELLER: David Atkins a.k.a. Sinbad
LOCATION: Hidden Hills, CA
PRICE: $3,000,000
SIZE: 5,064 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Woe is Sinbad. Not only is the "comedian's" career stuck down deep in the terlit of (un)funny, but he's got the IRS breathing down his back, filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy in December of 2009 and listed his house in the guard gated, horsey and star studded enclave of Hidden Hills, CA with an asking price of $3,000,000.

Back in the late 1980s and mid-1990s a lot of people thought Sinbad–nee David Atkins–was funny. Not Your Mama. We didn't think Sinbad was funny when he was a finalist on Star Search in 1983, we did not think Sinbad was funny on A Different World and we thought he was spectacularly unfunny on the eponymous and short lived program The Sinbad Show. Those years were, not the less, his salad days.

Then along came the late 1990s, the beginning of a long long long professional dry spell that lasted until, well, now. It's not that Mister Sinbad did not work during the lean years. He did. He just didn't have many if any primo gigs. Your Mama assumes he did some stand up and his resume on the Internet Movie Data Base shows he appeared in a number of cinematic wonders including–but not limited to–Jingle All the Way with Arnold Schwarzenegger, some sad thing called Good Burger, a movie called Stompin', the unfortunately titled of Cuttin Da Mustard, as well as a couple of episodes of the erstwhile Cosby and a single episode of the also erstwhile Moesha.

More recently, the down on his luck and heels comic filmed an hour long comedy special for Comedy Central called Sinbad: Where U Been and he will soon take a turn on Donald Trump's next season of The Celebrity Apprentice with a number of other has been folks like disgraced former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, former pro baseballer Darryl Strawberry, actress Holly Robinson Peete, and hairrific rock star Bret Michaels. It's not exactly where former celebs go to hammer the final nail in their professional coffin–that would be I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, The Surreal Life and/or Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew–but it's pretty dang close.

Fifteen years of bit parts in little movies, recurring roles on boob toob programs no one has ever heard of (Slacker Cats, Resurrection Road), and a reality show or two do not a mortgage or, as it turns out, taxes pay. See puppies, the IRS alleges that Sinbad owes a staggering $8,150,000 in back taxes and Your Mama should not have to tell the children that one simply does not screw with with the IRS because they are one of the few entities that can and will squeeze blood from a stone. In mid-December of 2009 Mister Sinbad filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy, which means all his non-exempt assets must be sold in order to pay his creditors and, of course, the gubbamint gets their slice of the pie first. Your Mama presumes, but does not know for sure, that the reason Mister Sinbad is selling his residence in Hidden Hills has something to do with this bit o' ugly bizness. We can't think of a single other reason he'd choose to sell in the midst of filing for chapter 7 bankruptcy.

Anyhoo, property records show that Mister Sinbad bought his 2.6 acre property in June of 1997 for $1,525,000. Technically, the house is owned by Mister Sinbad's brother Michael but, according to previous reports, the IRS believes that set up is nothing more than a pretense, a way in which Mister and Missus Sinbad can protect what very well may be their largest and only real asset.

The Tudor-ish style house, according to listing information, measures 5,064 square feet and contains 5 bedrooms and 5 poopers. A long, ratty-tatty tree-lined drive way rolls past a big ol' dirt patch surrounded by white split-rail fencing. This being Hidden Hills where it's not uncommon for residents to own horses, so Your Mama this stretch of unkempt dirt is meant to be a corral or riding ring for horses.

Listing photos are few and just a quick look at the living room and Your Mama understand why: It looks like a damn hoarder lives in there. Or, giving the benefit of serious doubt and best case scenario, Mister and Missus Sinbad have already begun to pack up their belongings and stack them up in the corners and against the walls. Lord have mercy Your Mama would come right unglued living amid all that crap and clutter. According to listing information, the two-story home also includes a formal dining room with fireplace, an office/family room with a fireplace, a full recording studio and a guest house with full kitchen.

In addition to the big ol' dirt patch, other exterior amenities include a large motor court and 4-car garage, a black bottom swimming pool with a waterfall, barn, and a pine needle strewn sport court with an adjacent satellite dish that looks large enough to pull down cable channels from the damn moon.

A person can not swing a cat in Hidden Hills without knocking over a famous person's fat ego. Other well-known residents of the family friendly community include but are hardly limited to Lisa Marie Presley, Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, Melissa Etheridge and her wifey Tammy Michaels, Bruce Jenner and his kollection of Kardashians, 7th Heaven's Beverly Mitchell, Nicolette Sheridan owns Melissa Etheridge's old house and LeAnn Rimes is currently leasing a house in the gated enclave.

source: Teles Properties

Beck Bites the Some Real Esate Dust

SELLER: Beck and Marissa Ribisi
LOCATION: Larkspur Lane, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $1,650,000
SIZE: 1,596 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows how many of the children salivate over and pine for some celebrity real estate schadenfreude so we thought we'd interrupt our weekend with a little. Thanks to Malibu Mary, Your Mama has learned that quirky and kooky musician Beck and his wife, former actress Marissa Ribisi, have finally sold their house in the Point Dume area of Malee-boo at a sickening loss.

Listing information shows the "very hip mid-century ranch" sits on a .63 acre parcel and has 3 bedrooms and 2 poopers in the main house as well as another 2 bedroom and 1 pooper in a detached guest house that includes a massive fireplace. The 1,596 square foot house has recently a renovated kitchen and poopers, hardwood floors, pitched and beamed ceilings, The privately situated property does not have a swimming pool or tennis court, but it does have large expanses of lawn and mature trees. Personally, we'll take a swimming pool over a football field, but that's just our meaningless preference.

Property records and previous reports reveal that Beck purchased the property on Larkspur Lane in January of 2007 for $2,050,000 and flipped it back on the market in October of 2008 with an asking price of $2,399,000. But alas, after 16 months and at least 3 price chops, the property finally sold in early February of 2010 for $1,650,000. A few quick flicks of the well worn beds on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus reveals that Mister Beck to a $400,000 financial hit not counting carrying costs, renovations expenses or the fees paid to his real estate people.
The house in Malee-boo is not the only property Beck had on the market recently and not, it seems, the only one he's likely to take a loss on. In April of 2007, Mister and Missus Beck bought a big house in the Hancock Park neighborhood of Los Angeles, paying $6,750,000 for the recently rehabbed corner property. In July of 2008 they flipped the 6 bedroom and 9 pooper estate back on the market with an optimistic asking price of $9,000,000. By August of 20009, the asking price had plummeted to $6,595,000. The property, which includes a full recording studio and rehearsal studio in the guest house, was officially de-listed. However, it is Your Mama's understanding that the property is still for sale and can be shown as a pocket listing.

source: Sotheby's International Realty Beverly Hills

Lil Wayne Lists South Beach Condo at a Not So Lil Loss

SELLER: Lil Wayne
LOCATION: Miami Beach, FL
PRICE: $2,799,000
SIZE: 3,990 square feet, 4 bedrooms 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Now that he's headed up the river for a spell, it looks like 4-time grammy winning rapper/hip hopper Lil Wayne doesn't have much use for his condo at the Murano Grande down in South Beach because, thanks to Our Man in Miami, we've learned that it recently landed on the market with an asking price of $2,799,000.

The wildly prolific, surprisingly diminutive and heavily tattooed Lil Wayne was supposed to be sentenced in New York last week on weapons possession charges–he got caught by the po-po with a handgun when he shouldn't have had one–but the proceedings were delayed so that he could have some work done on his diamond studded grill. Pleeze. Mister Lil Wayne, whose real name is Dwayne Carter, Jr. and who sometimes goes by the unflattering name Weezy, has been quite bizzy in his pre-prison weeks and months. He performed at the Grammys, was part of recording the redux of We Are the World for aid to Haiti, moved his record label from New Orleans to New York so he can maintain a bidness as usual flow from his cell at Riker's Island, and he recorded an album worth of cross-over rock music so that he can release new music while he's spending a year as Big Larry's "wife." Listen children, say what you like about Mister Lil Wayne and his drank drinking, pot smoking and baby making ways–he's got 4 shorties with 4 baby mommas–but this is one mighty ambitious fellow who isn't going to let a little time in the pokey slow down his professional roll. You gotta respect that people, even if you don't care for his particular brand of rapper fabulosity.

Anyhoo, according to both property records and Our Man in Miami, Mister Lil Wayne scooped up a condo at the 37-story Murano Grande complex in August of 2007 for $3,100,000. It doesn't take any flicking of the beads on our bejeweled abacus to see that Mister Lil Wayne is looking at at a not so lil loss of more than half a million clams when the fat real estate fees that he will have to pay get factored into the situation.

Listing information shows the unit measures 3,990 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms while marketing materials for the building show that the condos in that line were originally designed with 4 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers. We're not sure if Mister Lil Wayne did away with one of the bedrooms or if that's just a typo on the listing or if we're just grasping at real estate straws.

Whatever the case, according to the floor plan, Mister Lil Wayne's condo contains a private elevator landing that opens into an entrance hall with a windowless library/media room to the right and the master suite on the left. Dead ahead is the a 35-foot long, 700 square foot glass wrapped "grand salon" that opens onto the largest of the condo's three terraces.

The master suite, which opens to the same terrace as the "grand salon," has western views over the Intracoastal Waterway, two walk-in closets, a small dressing room and his and her poopers, one of which has a gigantic spa tub and a bee-day for washing up the private parts after doing the dirty bizness.

The kitchen/family room is tucked down a hallway off the "grand salon" and opens to a "breakfast" terrace. One of the three secondary bedrooms is rather awkwardly accessed through the family room and Your Mama would suggest to anyone who does not need a 4th bedroom or den to blow out the wall between the bedroom/den and the family room. This would not only create enough space for family room furniture and a breakfast table but would give our imperious house gurl Svetlana a to die for view of the ocean from her position behind the stove. The other two bedrooms, one with private pooper and one with a Jack and Jill pooper set up with the 4th bedroom/den that we'd get rid of, both have walk in closets and access to the third terrace.

The Murano Grande, one of a trio of condo towers that also include the Murano Portofino (where Palm Beach resident Ivana Trump owns a small apartment) and the ICON (not to be confused with the Icon Brickell where JLo and her paper thin huzband Marc Anthony reportedly bought a condo), sits on 4.1 bayfront acres. In addition to public areas designed by the Rockwell Group–the same folks doing up the Academy Awards this year–the complex provides residents with a heated bayfront swimming pool and spa, lighted tennis court, full fitness center, media and multi-purpose rooms (because rich people just love watching movies in the lobby of their damn building), concierge services, and 24-hour complimentary valet parking.

What might be best about Mister Lil Wayne's condo, at least as far as Your Mama is concerned is that it's walking distance to Prime One Twelve, one of South Beach best restaurants where one is likely to see any number of famous folks and rich men who drive flashy cars and date even flashier women. True story, one night several years ago while sitting spitting distance Gloria Estefan, one of the high priestesses of celebrity Miami, Your Mama ordered a 4.5 pound lobster at Prime One Twelve that not only cost well over $100 but could have easily fed Your Mama, the Dr. Cooter, Miz Estefan and at least half the homeless folks in Flamingo Park.

Despite owning a big condo at the Murano Grande, according to the South Beach Real Estate Blog and several previous reports, Mister Lil Wayne has been leasing a very contemporary 15,101 square foot waterfront mansion on fancy-schmancy La Gorce Island. Several reports indicate Mister Lil Wayne is buying not leasing the glassy, 3-story house that contains 9 bedrooms and 9 full and 2 half poopers including a 2-story master suite. Although the property was recently for sale with an asking price of $13,900,000, records still show the dee-luxe digs in the name of a big-time property developer. However, we no longer find an active listing for the property so maybe the real estate rumors about Mister Lil Wayne purchasing the property are true? We sort of doubt it, but we shall see chickens, we shall see.

source: South Beach Real Estate Blog

What Ingredients are You Using?

What do you prepare in the kitchen of your heart? 

I know that's a weird question.

But if there were a kitchen in your heart- what's in the pantry?

The pantry is a place where we store the items needed to make something edible, 

and hopefully delicious, to serve.

The pantry is a place where we store the items 

needed to keep us well, healthy and nourished.

My pantry used to be a place where I stored 

all kinds of junk and processed food. 

Malnourishing and harmful to the very family I was trying to sustain!

Here's how I went from having an unhealthy pantry to a better one.

Two years ago, I lost 40 pounds with Weight Watchers, YMCA with a workout buddy, 

and my wonderful friends' and family's encouragement. It wasn't easy.

During the 7 months it took me to lose the weight, 

I made MANY lifestyle changes.

The major one was what I chose to put in my cart at the store.

My decision began there, in my mind, 

when faced with so many seemingly delicious, expedient, easy choices.

But what I had to remember when perusing through the aisles was, 

it was those easy choices that made me overweight in the first place.

While counting my "points":

• I learned to replace the sugar with Agave or honey.
• I learned to replace Hamburger Helper with whole wheat pasta/chicken/spices.
• I learned to replace margarine and shortening with real butter.
• I learned to choose unbleached flour, whole wheat flour and weird foods like Quinoa.
• I learned to select all-grain cereals instead of sugary corn ones.
• I learned to drink water and eliminate soda. (This was a hard one- I was a Coca Cola addict!)

I also found a magazine that helped me learn about why 

to make better choices: Clean Eating.

You'll hear me talking about clean eating 

(consuming food in its most natural state) a lot!

So, I threw away a lot of junk when I first started changing my habits.

I can't say that I didn't eat a cupcake or french fries now and then, 

but I didn't enjoy them anymore.

It took more work preparing a "slow meal" instead of eating fast food.

I still craved and desired soda 

when I walked past the open front beverage cases at the checkout counter 

and Coke was calling to me, I heard it!

But gradually, the changes became habit, and these new habits 

caused health AND smaller jeans sizes!!

Here's my pantry:

In my heart's pantry, sometimes daily, I need to throw out the food.

Especially the foods labeled:

• DISCONTENTMENT (ingredients: unhappiness, regret and complaining)
• ANGER (ingredients: irritability, critisism, distrust)
• PRIDE (ingredients: self-importance, disdain, judgmentalism)

Do I think I am going to make anything tasty or good for others 

with a combination of any of these?

Who'd want to eat it?

Yet, I gather the jars and boxes, dump them out, mix them up, 

bake or cook them and serve them. 

To my family, my friends, my children and husband!

After the so-called savoring of these dishes, I and others are left unsatisfied.

We are still hungry! 

Eating more only makes us feel as if we are starving!

And I have served worthless and inferior fare.

And maybe I have lost a few diners, too.

What should I place in the pantry instead?

When a family member or friend opens the doors and reaches for something to enjoy, 

what will be on the shelf?

When I need to make a healthy dish- 

will I have organic, nourishing and wholesome options?

"My food," said Jesus, 

"is to do the will of Him who sent me and to finish his work."

What does doing God's will taste like?

To me, God's will is:

• Having a relationship with Him and learning from Him.
• Using His word for wisdom.
• Asking the Lord in prayer for more wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
• Listening to the advice of other godly men and women in my life.
• Pleasing Him with my life and home.
• Using the gifts and abilities He has given me in order to serve others.

If there were a kitchen in your heart- what's in the pantry?

Tennis Titan Andy Roddick Lists Austin Bachelor Pad

SELLER: Andy Roddick
LOCATION: Austin, TX
PRICE: $4,000,000
SIZE: 5,558 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 full and 2 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama was planning to skip down to South Beach, FL this morning to discuss the apartment of of a well known hip hopper that has hit the market on the eve of his imprisonment. But we'll have to get to that bit o' bidness later because deep into last night Your Mama received a covert communique from prolific tipster Vlad the Revealer who turned us on to something we find a wee bit more interesting even if some of you will not. Vlad, who now toils for Big Dave at Celebrity Address Aerial, kindly pointed Your Mama's beady eyes and nosy nose down the the great state of Texas where professional tennis stud Andy Roddick has listed his Austin bachelor pad with an asking price of $4,000,000.

Unlike our friend Fiona Trambeau who likes anything and everything that has to do with balls, there are very few athletic endeavors that Your Mama cares to know about, watch or participate in. We do, however, l.o.v.e. the tennis. While it ain't no thing but a train wreck and a tragedy to see Your Mama flailing about on the court in a pair of winter white sneakers and bug eyed dark glasses, it's a treat and a dee-light to watch well-formed Andy Roddick swing his racket and serve those fuzzy little balls hard hard hard. The experience is only made more titillating knowing that at any moment the hot-headed Mister Roddick might fly off into a hissy fit, huffing, puffing and muttering indignities at the officials such as he did at the 2008 Aussie Open when he snapped at one of the umpires, "You're an idiot. Stay in school, kids, or you'll end up being an umpire."

Mister Roddick, a former number one ranked player, holds the record for the fastest serve in professional tennis at a string scorching 155 miles per hour and he's unquestionably a crack player who is consistently ranked among the top ten man players in the world. However, he just can't seem to quite get to back to the tippy top of the tennis tour heap since winning his only Grand Slam title at the U.S. Open way back in 2003. Even still, ever since he was knee high to a two-handed backhand, the game and its exceedingly lucrative endorsements with companies like Lacoste, Lexus and American Express have been damn good to his pocketbook.

Property records reveal that November of 2003, fresh on the heels of his win at the U.S. Open, Mister Roddick forked over $1,463,000 for a waterfront property in a gated enclave along the shore of scenic Lake Austin. According to listing information and property records, the Roddick residence measures a family friendly 5,558 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 3 full and 2 half poopers.

An electronic gate slides open to a large motor court in front of what is essentially a very architecturally unattractive house. Sorry Andy, sweets, we think you're aces but we're just being honest about what we think about the wonky front facade of your house. Inside, despite his recent marriage to swimsuit moe-dell Brooklyn Decker, it's pure 20-something year old bachelor dude day-core.

The formal living room has a comtempo-styled pool table with garish red felt as its centerpiece and the family room has a flat screeen tee-vee mounted above the fireplace and, above that, the dead head of a deer or some other animal peers out over the room. The formal dining room, all red on the walls, the rug and in the "art," is home to a swoopy swirly sculpture that looks like it might attack someone sitting at the dining room table that itself looks like it might have been bought on sale at CostPlus. The library/office room has been turned into a poker room, natch, and the media room has a damn drum set in it. Who knew Mister Roddick banged the drums?

The master bedroom, all pumpkin, chocolate and oatmeal colored looks fine–if somewhat unfinished–at first. Then we notice that wee tee-vee on the console at the end of the bed. Wonder what that's for? The master bathroom, all beige beige beige has a separate glassed in shower and jetted tub for two. All that's missing from this sad pooper tableau is a tray full of men's fragrances and body sprays by Aramis, Ikon and Axe.

A large terrace on the second floor looks out through the trees and over Lake Austin. Opposite the house, on the other side of the motor court, is a sport court where Mister Roddick can dribble and shoot and one of the bays of the garage has been, according to listing information, been converted into a full-sized work out room. Behind all that is the boat house where Mister Roddick keeps his, that's right, his boat. Your Mama could not be more pleased that there's not some cigarette boat or other penis substitute of a watercraft parked in the boat house because that, along with the poker, pool tables and intricately patterned and multi-colored rugs, would simply be more deep pocketed bachelorhood in one place than we could bear without the assistance of a nerve pill.

We can't imagine why Mister Roddick–and the new Missus Roddick–would choose to sell this house. While it's not our particular cup of architectural or decorative tea, it does look like a stellar location and a nice spot to start bringing up babies. Now listen here butter beans, Your Mama is starting any preggers rumors. We're just saying that if these two genetically blessed youngsters wanted, they could quite easily transform Mister Roddick's bachelor pad into a the home of a young and rich family.

His Austin digs were not, according to property records, the first house Mister Roddick bought with his tennis earnings. In October of 2001, the Nebraska born Roddick laid out $310,000 for a modest 3 bedroom and 2.5 pooper property in a gated community in Boca Raton, FL.

The newlyweds also, according to records and previous reports, have a pied a terre in New York City. In the spring of 2009 Mister Roddick, who married Miss Decker in a candlelit ceremony at his home that overlooks Lake Austin attended by pals Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf and Dame Elton John, spent about a million clams on a 1 bedroom and 1 pooper apartment in Manhattan's Gramercy Park neighborhood.

source: Jonathan Creath / Capital City Sotheby's International Realty