UPDATE: Randolph Duke

Last December, Randolph Duke–dress designer to celebrity ladees and other rich females–listed his Xten Architecture designed dernier cri-ish domicile on Los Angeles' Fareholm Drive with a muscular asking price of $8,250,000.

The listing quickly vanished and we heard (but can not confirm) that the exuberantly decorated 3 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom residence was being leased out for big bucks. Well children, the crisp and pointy pad which Your Mama thinks must be one of the queerest cribs in all of LaLa Land is back on the market and with a major mark down to $6,500,000.

Even though Miz Duke slashed an astronomical million and three quarter clams off the asking price, we're quite sure some of the children will say it is still a remarkably optimistic number for the neighborhood...which happens to be the same neck of the hills where that annoying Kanye West lives in a minimal and art filled paean to his own over-sized ego.

We shall see.

UPDATE: Victoria Gotti

Looks like ol' Victoria Gotti just might have pulled a real estate rabbit out of a hat having reportedly come to a tentative agreement to save her mawkish mansion in Old Westbury, NY from the jaws of foreclosure.

Back in mid-May of 2009 it was widely reported that the lavishly be-weaved blond was days away from losing her long time Long Island home because she was arrears to her lender to the tune of $650,000. As a result of the default a court of law ruled that JP Morgan Chase could foreclose on the 4+ acre estate where Miz Gotti and her three grunting and virtually inarticulate sons filmed their depressing and difficult to watch reality program Growing Up Gotti.

At the time, Miz Gotti gave the rather bizarre and far-fetched sounding explanation that her ex-huzband Carmine Agnello–who, incidentally, was fined $10,000,000 after pleading guilty to racketeering charges in 2001–was to blame because he took out a secret mortgage on her manse after fooling the bank into believing that Miz Gotti had granted him power of attorney to do so. Turns out her explanation was true...or at least true enough that the bank decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and work out some sort of agreement that would allow Miz Gotti and her Rapunzel worthy wig to stay in the mansion.

Sounds to me like someone at the bank has some splainin' to do. Either that or Mister Agnello may be looking at addition appearances in front of a judge who may not look kindly on his fraudulent mortgage activities as they relate to Miz Gotti's house of architectural horrors.

The children will recall that Miz Gotti has been trying to sell her real estate white for years with asking prices as high as $4,800,000 and as low as its latest asking price of $2,300,000. Your Mama isn't sure if the Miz Gotti's big house is still on the market, but we did find a possibly outdated listing that shows a wonky asking price of $2,959,000.

Ladees and Gents: Meet Mister Modesty, Tate Donovan

SELLER: Tate Donovan
LOCATION: Crest Way, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $789,000
SIZE: 1,279 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...This 2bd/2ba Spanish home has everything you want and more. Spacious & inviting living room w/ hdwd flrs and original tiled fireplace. Eat-in galley kitchen has been updated in keeping w/ classic nature of the home. Large formal dining room w/ coved ceiling. Newly-remodeled bathrooms with Master bath featuring Waterworks tile, Carrara marble & steam shower. Master suite features dual walk-in closets & opens to tranquil outdoor living space overlooking spa.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Every now and again Your Mama comes across a famous figure with a certain kind of real estate modesty and we are, well, yes, we are impressed. Even more so when it's a celebrity like successful, unassuming and likable actor Tate Donovan (Damages, The O.C., Hercules and etc.) who recently listed his Los Angeles house for $789,000.

Mister Donovan may be a low-key, bike riding and marathon running fiddler with almost no real estate pretensions, but he's also managed to bag and and snag some of Hollywood's leadingest ladees like Lauren Graham, Sandra Bullock, that poor, high maintenance and unlucky in love Jennifer Aniston not to mention a British born New York based socialite/writer named Plum Sykes.

Records reveal the recently dee-vorced Mister Donovan picked up his itty bitty Spanish style casa on Crest Way in September of 1999 for just $378,000. Records and listing information also show that the 1,279 square foot house, located on a quiet cul de sac in the Hills of Hollywood in a neighborhood called the Hollywood Dell, has just two bedrooms and two bathrooms.

The front of the house is shielded by a tall (and tatty) privet hedge that hides the front façade comprised of a wide see-ment patio with a dozen or more potted plants of various varieties and a carved wood front door flanked by paned cottage style windows and inoperable shutters painted an unfortunate pinkish coral color. It looks like a slightly tidier sort of place Your Mama would have gone to buy weed back when we were at university.

Anyhoo, the front door opens to a living room with thin stripped and golden colored wood floors and listing information indicates the fireplace surround is original and which Your Mama thinks may (or may not) be made of Batchelder tiles. Mister Donovan, or perhaps his ex-wife, has filled the room with a sandy beige linen sofa opposite a wall mounted flat screen boob-toob, a light brown leather chair and hassock, a milk chocolate brown wicker rocker with ecru colored cushions, a taupe colored, vine patterned and circular rug and a wacky but visually enjoyable amoebic shaped wood coffee table. It's all very beige–and wicker is a forbidden material in Your Mama big book of acceptable decorative materials–but it also looks very cozy and comfortable and like someone not enamoured of their own fame and fortune actually lives here.

Beyond the living room is the dining room with a seriously ill-chosen chandelier (that is hung too high), a bunch of wood furniture that looks like it might have been picked up on travels to the Far East and a set of French doors opening to an intimate and covered patio that overlooks the backyard. The galley style kitchen and sky lit eating nook have a certain sort of cottage charm even if we don't understand or approve of the choice of checkerboard linoleum floor and the mint green faux-vintage refrigerator.

A guest room / office at the front of the house is well separated from the master at the back of the house with two renovated poopers in between. The master bedroom, according to listing information includes two walk in closets, French doors that open to the covered patio, and a bathroom with Carrara marble, fancy Waterworks fixtures and a steam shower. Your Mama loves us a steam shower. It's unclear why Mister Donovan would leave those depressing Pottery Barn curtain rods over the windows when there are no curtains hung from them.

The rear patio is tiled and trellised and includes a perplexedly low table at which one would have to squat or sit on the ground to use. A few steps down a stone terrace hosts sun beds for nood sunbathing and all sorts of drought friendly plantings and potted things. A short wall separates the patio from a spa which is surrounded by vegetation.

It's unclear to Your Mama why Mister Donovan would choose to sell his cozy casita now, after so many years...10 years in one house is a lifetime for most celebrities...but he is. And given that houses not in needs a full scale gut job in the Hollywood Dell rarely come to the market for under $800,000 we suspect this property will be in escrow in just a few weeks, if not a matter days. Trust Your Mama on this one. The market in L.A. may be weak, but this isn't a bad starting price for this house in this location. We're sure some of Your Mama's resident Chicken Little's are gonna rake us over the coals for saying that, but it's true.

Now then, it's back to the over-sized and insanely expensive properties we've become accustomed to seeing celebrities buy and sell.

UPDATE: Britney Spears

Looks like on the mental mend pop tart Britney Spears is finally getting serious about unloading her real estate white elephant up in the guard gated Summit community in the Hills Above Beverly.

At the risk of beating a real estate dead horse let's go over Miss Spears' history with the house. Records provided to Your Mama by Babbling Babette show that back in January of 2007, when poor Miss Spears was still wearing pink wigs, driving around aimlessly with questionable characters and acting all kinds of erratic, she impulsively dumped $7,150,000 (some reports, including some of Your Mama's say $6,750,000) on an "Italian Renaissance inspired Villa" with 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms. Less than 1 month later, the ferociously fickle Brit flipped the Summit Circle property back on the market with an asking price of $7,495,000.

After nearly six months languishing with no serious takers, the property was removed from the open market until September of 2008 when it reappeared with a surprisingly higher and gutsy asking price of $7,900,000. After six months, the price had been whittled down to $7,195,000 and with no serious buyers the house was again taken off the open market.

Next came the news that Miss Spears, whose father Jamie holds Miss Spears' purse strings through to a court ordered conservatorship granted due to her bizarre behaviors, packed up her short shorts and tube tops and headed west where she reportedly leased a newly built 10,300+ square foot faux French Provincial/Tuscan Farmhouse/Spanish Hacienda style manse in a double gated community in the scorching suburbs of Calabasas. Soon after moving in, Missy Spears went on tour.

As far as we know, Miss Spears is still on tour but her former digs, the scene of much of her crazy days, has come back on the market with a new real estate agent and a new and significantly lower asking price of $6,499,000. A few flicks of the beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that Missy Spears (and her Big Daddy) are now looking at losing at least $650,000 on this residential folly...and that's if some white knight comes along and pays full price for the Spears spread. But let's be honest chickens, what's the likelihood of that happening?

Your Mama has also heard, but can not confirm which means it's just rumor and gossip, that Miss Spears' people are out looking for suitable digs for her ex-huzband Kevin Federline who is the primary caretaker of their two children and has been leasing a house in a gated community in Tarzana, CA. Why Daddy Spears doesn't just move the ex-Mister Spears into the house on Summit Circle until the real estate market stabilizes is a question we can not answer.

Ian Schrager Lists Posh SoHo Penthouse

SELLER: Ian Schrager
LOCATION: Lafayette Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $12,500,000
SIZE: 3,990 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...This loft comprises approximately 3,990 square feet interior, three private terraces totaling 530 square feet, and direct access to the common roof deck. Key lock elevator opens directly into large entry foyer. Perfect for entertaining, the grandly scaled living area features soaring 23' ceilings, 30-degree views from double-hung windows, wood-burning fireplace, open Boffi kitchen with appliances by Viking and Sub-Zero, media room/fourth bedroom, and two private terraces. Two Bedrooms with en-suite baths complete the lower level. The upper level comprises the master suite with private terrace, skylit private gym outfitted with Cybex equipment, and two walk-in closets...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is a little late to the real estate rodeo on this one having been first discussed a week or two ago in the New York Post. But we're going to speak on Ian Schrager anyways who recently hoisted his downtown doo-plex digs on the market with an asking price of $12,500,000.

Mister Schrager is, of course, a former nightlife impressario and co-owner of the original (and dee-voonly debauched) Studio 54. He went on to become well known and much loved by fashaneestas, hipsters and design queens of all persuasions for his slick and in some cases vexatiously over-worked Philippe Starck designed boo-teek hotels with dark hallways and swinging lobbies that include the Delano in Miami, the Mondrian in Los Angeles, The Clift in San Francisco, the Sanderson and St. Martins Lane hotels in London and the Hudson and Paramount hotels Noo York City. The Paramount, in midtown Manhattan, happens to be the very first New York City hotel in which Your Mama ever stayed where we had a room we'd bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly was smaller than the closet ol' Paris Hilton stores all her size 11 shoes. Mister Schrager no longer participates in the day to day operations of his hotel babies and has moved on to developing new hotels (like the Julian Schnabel re-designed Gramercy Park Hotel) and high end condo projects in Manhattan where he's already erected 40 Bond and the John Pawson designed 50 Gramercy Park North to much hullabaloo and fanfare.

Anyhoo, records reveal that Mister Schrager picked up his duplex penthouse on Lafayette Street in June of 2002 for an undisclosed amount of money. Listing information and public records show the heavily mortgaged, three terrace aerie measures 3,990 square feet (prop records show 3,360 square feet) and includes 4 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms spread over two floors of clean lines, big windows framing big views, art friendly white walls and dark wood floors.

A key-lock elevator opens directly into the large square-ish entrance hall which acts as a traffic hub for the entire apartment and leads to the open plan living space which includes a Euro-slick Boffi brand kitchen with glacier white counter tops, a window-wrapped dining room, and a double height living room with a wood burning fireplace flanked by French doors that open to largest of lucky Mister Schrager's three terraces.

On the other side of the entrance hall are two family bedrooms each with a private pooper, a windowed laundry room that would make our imperious house gurl Svetlana weep with envy, a powder pooper and a third bedroom currently used as a media room that opens up to a second terrace.

Upstairs, the master suite hangs over the living room and opens to yet another terrace for hide tanning. There are also two walk in closets, a large bathroom with a party sized shower and an even larger private, sky lit gym with all sorts of fancy contraptions for torturing the body into physical submission. Strangely, according to the floor plan, a large bath tub is tucked into a windowed corner of the gym-nauseam which isn't exactly where Your Mama would like a bath tub even if we liked to sit in a puddle of our own filth, which we don't.

A couple of the more notable residents of Mister Schrager's 30-unit building include former gender bending rock star legend David Bowie and his long necked model wife Iman who shack up in a 5,180 square foot two-unit spread they bought in late 1999 and US magazine editrix in chief Janice Min (who would hire Your Mama to write a column for her if she had any damn sense). Other building residents include a noted dealer of photographs, a sculptress whose work we adore, a textile tycoon, a tony award winning thespian and her former professional tennis player huzband, an Israeli producer and an heir to the the Johnson & Johnson Band-Aid fortune.

According to the good people at City File, Mister Schrager and his new dancing doll ladee-wife Tania Wahlstedt have decamped a few blocks uptown for an 8,500 square foot triplex penthouse pad at 40 Bond, the glass and green steel building he developed with the much lauded architecture firm Herzog de Meuron and where Your Mama understands Rrreeky Martin maintains a Manhattan pied a terre.

In addition to his Manhattan crib, according to property records, Mister Schrager also owns a large oceanfront house in Southampton, NY that happens to sit right next door to the architectural abortion clothing queen Calvin Klein bought in 2003 for $28,900,000 and recently knocked down to make way for a sleek and glassy minimalist mansion designed by architect Michael Haverland. It has been reported that Mister Schrager also owns a house in Miami. We don't disbelieve the reports, but honestly children, Your Mama could find no record of that.

UPDATE: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

By now, all the children surely know that ack-tor Ben Affleck and ack-tress Jennifer Garner recently spent the big bucks buying the Pacific Palisades estate of super-producer Brian Grazer and his ex-wifey, screenwriter Gigi Levangie Grazer. To be more exact, records and reports show the Jenufleck's paid $17,550,000 for the sprawling, private and worked over Cliff May ranch house.

But what about their former love nest Brentwood? Soon after word leaked out that the couple settled on the Grazer spread, it was whispered to Your Mama by Donna Tellaitall (and then transmitted to the children) that the baby-making couple were quietly shopping their former digs on N. Tigertail Road around with an optimistic asking price of 8.5 million clams. Miz Tellaitall also whispered to Your Mama that she heard a deal was being made at a much lower price in the 6.8 million dollar range.

As it turns out, the actual sales price was even lower than Miz Tellaitall thought. According to property records, the new owners of the Jenufleck's old house–a money man and his wife–paid $6,250,000 for the 4 bedroom and 4 bathroom residence that records show measures 3,843 square feet.

Given that Missus Affleck purchased the property for $5,500,000 in June of 2004 when she was still Miss Garner, not much (if any) profit was realized on the sale of the hacienda style house, an economic situation about which we imagine there are only crocodile tears.

Flea Selling Another House in the Malee-boo

SELLER: Michael Balzary, aka Flea
LOCATION: Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $13,676,000
SIZE: 2,731 square feet (as per assessor), 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Out of this world celebrity retreat on an unbelievable 2 flat acres sited on the Encinal Bluffs. Staircase & private road beach access. Expansive rolling lawns, exceptionally unique architectural w/ soaring ceilings, open floor plan & walls of glass, gallery walls, tree trunk floors positioned as an indoor/outdoor natural setting. 2 large separate guest homes, long drive, 2 garages, private spa terrace. Unimaginable ocean & beach views from every angle.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in in the spring of 2006, Red Hot Chili Peppers bass player Michael Balzary, aka Flea, put his Malee-boo manse on the market with an asking price of $5,000,000. In March of 2007, when Your Mama discussed the Sycamore Meadows Drive domicile, the asking price had been sliced to $4,800,000 and several subsequent slashes brought the asking price down to $2,800,000. Then, we regret to inform, disaster struck. Although records indicate the property remains in Mister Flea's real estate portfolio, multiple reports state the house burned to the ground in the fires that raged through the mountains above Malee-boo in the fall of 2007 and, indeed, the property did (and does) appear on the official list of homes consumed by the colossal conflagration.

In January of 2007, just a few months before he listed his Sycamore Meadows Drive residence, property records and previous reports reveal that Mister Flea (and his supermodel baby momma Frankie Rayder) forked over $9,980,000 for a 2.01 acre ocean front estate on the Encinal Bluffs, which is up in the northern reaches of Malibu near where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's contemporary crib clings to the cliff. Now, just over two years later and after a giving the Pacific Coast Highway property a full and finely tuned face lift, Mister Flea has listed his low-key cliff top compound with an asking price of $13,676,000.

According to listing information, the property includes a main house and two separate guest houses, one of which appears to be currently used by Mister Flea for making music. Listing information shows there are 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms but to be honest children, we're not sure if those four bedrooms and bathrooms are all located in the main house or if they're spread throughout the property.

The front door of the main house opens to a narrow, wood beamed and sky lit hallway with gallery white walls and a dee-lishus wood floor made of end-up tree trunks that create a loose grid of light and dark that sort of resembles a varnished giraffe skin. The main living space, down a handful of steps down from the entrance hall, is comprised of an open plan living room, dining room and kitchen. There is a high sloped ceiling, a fireplace in the living room area, several large sections of windows that open to a narrow waterside terrace and more of that tree trunk wood floor. Now children that wood floor could easily be a decorating dee-zas-ter in the wrong hands and we fully realize some of y'all will think it's heinous, but Your Mama thinks the pattern makes a nice counter point to all white walls and white furniture.

The somewhat small but fully functional kitchen includes a long row of windows over the sink that look out towards the ocean, a nice feature when scrubbing pots and pans. There is a noticeable absence of over-head cabinetry which we imagine some of the children will gripe about also. However, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's new kitchen has no overhead cabinetry, just a simple shelf for daily dishes and glassware, and we love it. Fortunately there is a large pantry and heaps of under counter storage for all the food stuffs and kitchen ware that normally goes in overhead cabinets.

Anyhoo, in addition to the master suite with more of that dee-voon tree trunk flooring, high wood beamed ceiling, sky lit bathroom and view of the ocean, the main house includes three other family bedrooms, one of which appears to be a loft space that overlooks the living room area. This is all well and good for taking a nap, but not so good for over night guests. Then again, over night guests are likely put up in one of the two separate guest houses that dot the property. At the front of the compound, closest to the Pacific Coast Highway is the larger guest unit which as far as we can tell includes 2 bedrooms, a fireplace and (we assume) at least one terlit. The other guest unit is of undetermined size but we're certain includes sleeping quarters at the least and (presumably) a private pooper.

The property slopes gently from the gated entrance on the Pacific Coast Highway down towards the bluff. A large lawn area perfect for rousing games of Bocce, Croquet or horseshoes sits between the guest house and the main house and a wide lawn stretches from the rear of the main house to steep and perilous bluff. Off to one side is a circular deck with a built in spa and seating area which looks like the perfect spot to re-create a cocaine and blush wine fueled orgy from the 1970s. We're not saying Flea does that, we're just saying that if he wanted to, this would be a magnificent spot to do so. The grounds include several other outdoor patios and seating areas including a sunken and tree shaded outdoor living room and another with a built in bbq center.

Listing information indicates that in addition the the long private stair case that leads to the beach, there is also access by private road, which is a good damn thing because Your Mama would much prefer to have our totalitarian house gurl Svetlana pop down in a golf cart to pick up our sunburned butt than to huff and puff our way back up and risk a heart attack or fit of the asthma.

No word on why Mister Flea would want to sell this pretty piece of ocean front property. Quite frankly, if you like solitude and living along the rugged and dramatic California coastline, this seems like a keeper to Your Mama. Lord knows we'd live here in a heartbeat iffin we had 13 and some million smacker for a beach house, which of course we do not.