Monday's Mish-Mash

It's been quite some time since Your Mama has done the mish-mash and there are a number of juicy tidbits piling up on our desk we need to clear off our calendar so strap on your safety belts and let's go.

1.
For good or ill, both Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter have an unhealthy obsession with all the Real Housewives from all the cities (call me Andy Cohen) and so we about jumped out of our skin when we got a ringy-dingy from a gal we call Kitty Glitter who told Your Mama that robustly Botoxed and behemoth busted Real Housewife of Orange County Tamra Barney and her tequila trafficking huzband Simon recently (re-)listed their faux-Tuscan tract house in Ladera Ranch, CA with an asking price of $1,149,000.

All the children who have not completely mucked up their minds with booze and other illegal substances may recall that in November of 2008, the blond, tan and toothy reality tee-vee stars listed their 5 bedroom and 5.5 pooper property in the gated Covenant Hills community with an asking price of $1,599,00 saying they wanted to take advantage of the market by selling their current house and buying a bigger and better foreclosed property at a low price. But alas...

One of the things that's interesting to Your Mama about the Barney's real estate situation is that the property is listed with someone other than Tamra, who claims to be a real estate agent, nor is it listed with Jeanna Keough, another Housewife of Orange County who is a real estate agent and who is also trying to unload her multi-million dollar Orange County crib currently listed at $4,900,000. We'd be pissed iffin we were Jeana, which of course we are not.

What's even perhaps more interesting (and salacious) is that, according to property records, Mister and Missus Barney paid $1,320,500 for the upgraded but still pathetically generic property in August of 2005. It does not take flicking the beads on our bejeweled abacus to understand that this "MUST SEE" property is likely to be a short sale and, in fact, it is flagged on Redfin as a short sale. Oh dear.

Listen chickens, it never makes Your Mama squeal with delight to see someone lose money on their homes or, even worse, lose their homes but we confess their is a kind of delicious real estate schadenfreude when the homeowners in question have made such an arrogant display of their allegedly deep pockets on national television such as the Barneys have. Maybe Tamra can hawk that flashy pink diamond encrusted Rolex she got from Simon on her (alleged) 40th birthday to help with the finances.

2.
There's a rumor making its way around the posh and pricey streets of Greenwich, CT that Grammy winning singer and wannabe actor Justin Timberlake and his ladee-friend, actress Jessica Biel, recently bought a big house in the Backcountry area of the leafy and extravagantly expensive town. Details are slim but it's been reported elsewhere that it could be a 25.5 acre spread that recently sold for $18,700,000 in the gated and swank Conyers Farm development.

If this is true, and Your Mama don't know nuthin' from a piece of toast about this, does this mean Mister Timberlake and Miss Biel are fixin' to start a family? Why else would these two twenty something year old youngsters want be up in sleepy and staid Greenwich, CT with Regis Philbin and all those hedge fund hogs who have a net worth well in excess of the GDP of most African countries?

Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?

3.
Poor Annie Leibovitz. Although the super successful celebrity photographer is reported to earn in the neighborhood of two million clams a year snapping photos of rich and famous folks for Vanity Fair and other Condé Nast publications–not to mention the big bucks she earns from other picture and portrait projects–she's found herself in a deep and wide financial pickle that may soon find her and her three children tossed out of her sprawling townhouse home and studio on West 11th Street in New York City and their 200+ acre country compound off scenic River Road in Rhinebeck, NY.

It seems that at some point not so long ago Miz Leibovitz needed to scare up a toe curling $24,000,000 to cover a myriad of liens, loans, lawsuits, renovation costs and other debts. Like many bankable artists in a pinch, Miz Leibovitz went to Art Capital Group, a private banking operation that provides loans to artists who often back the loans with their own art collection and future work(s). In Miz Leibovitz's case, the leviathan loan was collateralized by her significant but heavily mortgaged real estate holdings as well as the negatives and intellectual property rights to every photo she has ever taken. That's right puppies, every photo she has ever taken.

This is the same company, incidentally, who lent eight million clams to artist Julian Schnabel when he was building Palazzo Chupi, his first and not very successful foray as real estate developer, and also the same company who swooped in and reportedly took possession of a Rubens (and jeezis only knows what else) after cash strapped socialite Veronica Hearst defaulted on the loan she took from them in a valiant but failed effort to save her 52-room white elephant in Palm Beach.

Anyhoo, Miz Leibovitz's situation is far too complicated for Your Mama to go into right now, but it's a fascinating story and suffice to say that according to peeps at Art Capital Partners do not think Miz Leibovitz will be able to repay the loan–which is due in September–without selling her real estate holdings and artworks and therefore wants access to her properties in order to assess their value and ready them for sale. Miz Leibovitz is, not surprisingly, resisting and claiming not to have understood the original agreement. With twenty four million smackers on the line, Art Capital Partners is, not surprisingly, suing. It's gonna get ugly folks,

4.
Annie Leibovitz is not the only rich or famous person in the throws of a financial fracas that threatens their real estate portfolio. Actor and prodigious property collector Nic Cage has the IRS after his booty for more than $6,000,000 in unpaid income taxes from 2007. As a result, the IRS has placed a lien on at least 1 of his many properties.

Although, according to a recent report in the New Orleans Business News, one of Mister Cage's two big houses in the Big Easy has an IRS lien placed against it, the IRS can (and will) apply this lien to any of Mister Cage's other properties in the event they are sold. Technically Mister Cage needs to satisfy the lien before selling or refinancing but payment of the lien can also be paied out of the proceeds of the sale of any of his many homes.(One of our tipsters named Jimmy Jetsetter swears Mister Cage owns more than 25 properties although Your Mama can only account for 10.)

Mister Cage's New Orleans real estate holdings consist of the infamous, and rumored to be haunted, LaLaurie house on Royal Street currently listed at $3,550,000 and a massive mansion measuring 13,176 square feet on pretty Prytania Street in the Garden District currently listed at $3,450,000. Mister Cage has a number of his other properties on the market including an rather large estate in Rhode Island ($15,900,000), a house in real estate ravaged Las Vegas ($9,490,000), a couple of combined condos in New York City ($9,750,000) as well as his primary residence on Copa de Oro Road in ritzy Bel Air, CA currently listed at $17,500,000 after first being offered at a butt clenching $35,000,000.

5.
About 10 days ago, Your Mama discussed the sale of the Holmby Hills estate that Hugh and Kimberley Hefner sold for $18,000,000 after having listed it at $27,995,000. The 2.3 acre property which sits smack up against the Playboy Mansion in hoity-toity Holmby Hills was purchased by a 25 year old muscle car collecting whippersnapper named Daren Metropoulos. That's right chickens, the new owner of the 7 bedroom, 7,318 square foot manse is just twenty five years old. Sorta makes ya queasy, don't it?

The young entrepreneur is known in some circles as one of the Bumble Bee tuna boys due to the fact that his father, big bizness investor and former Executive Chairman of Pinnacle Foods Group C. Dean Metropoulos, somewhat famously purchased Bumble Bee and installed a then 14-year old Daren and his then 17-year old brother Evan as presidents.

6.
Your Mama hears from Linda Letsitallhangout that controversial comedian Sacha Baron Cohen and his wifey Isla Fisher are out hunting for new digs in Los Angeles in which to house their expanding family. Say what you will about Mister Baron Cohen and his high-lariously juvenile yet smart, sassy satirical movies, but he's making money hand over fist so he must be doing something right.

7.
Newly svelte (again) and notorious hot mess rocker chick Courtney Love says she's moving to New York City. Y'all are warned.

And with that nugget of celebrity real estate news, we are through.

UPDATE: Donald Trump

Late last night Your Mama received a clandestine communique from the ever intrepid Babbling Babette regarding the Beverly Hills property recently sold by an entity that links back to real estate's comb over king Donald Trump.

If the children will put on their thinking caps they'll recall that last week Your Mama discussed a 6 bedroom and 6.5 pooper Colonial style fixer upper on N. Rodeo Drive that was purchased in July of 2008 for $10,350,000 and flipped it back on the market a year later with few if any improvements and an asking price of $12,000,000.

After less than two weeks on the market the property entered escrow and, according to Babbling Babette, the deal closed in less than a week at a sale price of just $9,500,000. According to our not always entirely accurate bejeweled abacus, the sale price is not only 20% less than the asking price it's $850,000 less that was paid for the property. Oh. Dear. Ouch.

We imagine that Mister Trump, who loves to crow about how much money he has to toss around like he's living in a Monopoly world, would publicly dismiss the loss as pocket change. However, Your Mama knows deep in our dark and snarky soul that when Mister Trump (or any other billionaire) lays his head down at night on his dee-luxe Porthault linens it's just gotta hurt a little to lose nearly a million clams because let's be honest, a million bucks may not be what it used to be, but it's still a million bucks.

Discuss.

A New Suburban Set-up for Kevin Federline

RENTER: Kevin Federline
LOCATION: Summit Ridge Circle, Chatsworth, CA
PRICE: $7,900/month
SIZE: 6,673 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Majestic NEW CONSTRUCTION! Custom estate in the prestigious guard-gated community of Summit Ridge. Travertine marble with inlaids, mahogany wood floors, high quality carpet, gorgeous crown moldings and wall details throughout the house. Custom gourmet kitchen with stunning granite counters, stainless steel top-of-the-line appliances, beg center island with sink & wine refrigerator, large pantry with shelves. Office/library adjacent to beautiful Family Room. Huge Master Bedroom with panoramic views, fireplace, professionally designed closet, conversation area and adjacent balcony. Master bathroom with separate shower, jacuzzi tub and his/her vanities. GAME ROOM/GYM with elegant BAR & STEAM SAUNA. Gorgeous THEATRE/MEDIA ROOM prewired for surround sound system. BEAUTIFUL FINISHED WINE CELLAR. Intercom in all room. Three zone Heating/AC system. State of the art central vacuum. Waterless water heaters!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A number of gossip blogs and fan sites have recently reported that Britney Spears' former huzband and baby daddy Kevin Federline vacated the suburban mansion he was renting in Tarzana, CA and decamped to a new suburban mansion in Chatsworth, CA. (Yes, butter beans, strange as it may sound, Kevin Federline has fan sites.) Although Chatsworth is widely considered to be the unofficial capital of the pornography industry, we don't imagine that had anything to do with the Fed-Ex's decision to pack up the Federtots and set up household deep in the San Fernando Valley.

Listen chickens, but for his brief betrothal to the once wild and crazy pop super star Britney Spears, we find Mister Federline about as appealing as doing our damn taxes. However, believe it or not, Your Mama has received an uncommonly large number of inquiries asking for a few tidbits about Fatty Federline's new digs. We've resisted all the pleading and prodding for quite some time but, alas, we are only human and came to the ugly conclusion that resistance is futile. It seems the only way to make all those folks interested in the doings of Mister Federline stop asking Your Mama about the doings of Mister Federline was, at risk of our own psychic peril, to discuss the real estate doings of Mister Federline. So, we will. However, we're gonna keep it short iffin we can and we're gonna imbibe booze at a rapid rate while tapping our fingers to the nubbins in an effort to remain sane while diving deep into the depths of quasi-celebrity real estate hell.

Mister Federline's need to live behind gates is obvious and according to previous reports and listing information we managed to dig up, Mister Federline's new crib occupies a hillside lot in an small, expensive and gated community in Chatsworth called Summit Ridge. The property in question was put up for sale in early 2008 with an asking price of $2,299,000 but after a peep into property records it does not appear to Your Mama that Mister Federline purchased the 6,673 square foot hot mess. With the help of Babbling Babette, we managed to dig up some information on the property that indicates the 5 bedroom and 6 pooper property had also been available for lease with an asking price of $7,900 per month. Your Mama presumes, but does not know for sure, that Mister Federline is leasing the property, probably for less than $7,900 but no doubt still four times more than someone would have to pay Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter to live up in this house with its bland and not quite symmetrical front facade.

We can't be bothered to discuss each of the rooms in the house because it would be far too depressing and we can't be troubled to tear apart the impressively banal interiors which, not surprisingly, have been all did up in that distressing and beige suburban tract house style we've come to associate with big and expensive but not particularly well designed properties in planned developments not just in Los Angeles but all around the good ol' U.S. of A. And do not even get Your Mama going on the wacky mantel in the living room or those two cabinets in the game room haphazardly stuck up on the wall or that horrifying blue carpeting in the "theatre/media room" that's woven with images of popcorn and film reels and makes Your Mama want to run needles through our eyeballs. Have mercy.

We expect more of this house will be seen on Mister Federline's upcoming reality show which may or may not have something to do with him raising up his kids and trying to lose the excess weight he's packed on since getting a dee-vorce from his Mrs. Gravy Train. Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter will watch just about any reality program once but we can assure you Mister Federline's show will never flicker across our boob-toob because, frankly, we could care less about watching him golf, diet, bicker with his athletic gurlfriend, endorse weight loss products, raise his kids (even if they are Britney Spears' children) or do anything else for that matter.

None the less, we sincerely wish Mister Federline all the best. We all have to scratch out a living the best way we can and from the sound of things he's hauling in a lot more bank than Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter (who is a doctah for love of jeezis), so bully for him. Now then, we got scalding shower and a fat nerve pill calling our name asking us to forget about everything we just discussed. We suggest y'all do the same.

David Hasselhoff re-lists Encino Estate

SELLER: David Hasselhoff
LOCATION: Louise Avenue, Encino, CA
PRICE: $4,195,000
SIZE: 8,947 square feet (as per listing), 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Seldom offered exquisite "Trophy" estate on over a flat acre. Enter through gates to a tree lined drive and find a gorgeous two story five car garage home. The interior offers a perfect balance for families and entertaining. Public spaces include a screening room, formal dining, office and gourmet kitchen. Four bedrooms and an incredible Master suite with his and her bath and dressing rooms. There are two guest houses, a N/S tennis court, pool, spa and verdant lawns.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: As is often and usually the case when marrieds go splitsville, the once happy marital home gets put on the block which is exactly what happened back in August of 2008 when a judge decreed that usually shirtless actor/singer David Hasselfhoff and his then soon to be ex-wife Pamela Bach were to sell their long time estate in Encino, CA. At the time, the feuding between Mister and Missus soon-to-be-ex-Mrs. Hasselhoff was about at what price the property was to be listed. He wanted to list the 5 bedroom and 5.5 pooper property at less than five million clams and she believed the 1+ acre flag lot spread on Louise Avenue was worth close to eight million smackers. Your Mama thinks ex-Mrs. Hoff was living on another planet if she thought her house was actually worth 8 million bucks and someone else obviously agreed with us because the Hoff House quietly came up for sale in August of 2008 with an asking price of $5,950,000 and then hit the open market in early 2009.

For some reason(s) entirely unknown to Your Mama, The Hoff House was only on the market for six short days before any and all trace of it disappeared from public listing sites like the MLS and Redfin. We quickly forgot about the property–as well as Mister Hoff who makes Your Mama need a full strength nerve pill–until yesterday afternoon when we received a covert communique from Vivian Valleydweller who whispered in Your Mama's big ear that the Hoff House had been re-hoisted back on the open market with a new, improved and significantly lower asking price of $4,195,000.

If Your Mama is being honest, and we always are, we really don't understand Mister Hasselhoff's appeal. However, not only has he made boo-coo bucks starring in and producing surprisingly and seriously successful television programs like Knight Rider and Baywatch, but in the late 1980s and 1990s he was also a gold (and platinum) record making pop singer in Europe, specifically in Germany and Austria. If someone can explain that phenomena to Your Mama, please do. More recently Mister Hasselhoff is known for his boozy and embarrassing antics (for which we sincerely hope he's gotten help) and for being a judge on that distressing Gong Show wannabe America's Got Talent, a program Your Mama would have to be falling down drunk to watch.

Anyhoo, property records reveal that The Hoff and the ex-Missus Hoff paid $1,980,000 for their quasi-Colonial style estate in 1996 when they bought it from actor John Goodman. There is some dispute over the actual size of the manse. Property records show it measures, 6,148 square feet, listing information provided to Your Mama by Shanda Leer back in January of 2009 show it weighs in at a hefty 9,770 square feet and current listing information we received from Babbling Babette indicates is spans 8,947 square feet.

The two-story Hoff House of Marital Horrors stands at the end of a long, gated, celebrity-style and tree-lined driveway that makes a giant circle at the front of the house and leads to garaging for five automobiles off to one side. Pleeze Jeezis tell Your Mama that The Hoff does not keep one of those KITT cars in the garage like bearded former boy-bander Joey Fatone does. The front door has been done up in classic Colonial style with a swoopy and pointy scroll pediment which has been painted a traditional black color, as have the shutters. However, any trace of a dignified Colonial style architecture ends right there because immediately upon crossing the threshold it's pure suburban tract mansion all done up high-end Home Despot style in a bazillion shades of beige.

There are intricate wrought iron railings and balustrades like those found in newly constructed McMansions everywhere, a living room with pretty hardwood floors, a tall wall of windows topped by a trio of arched windows, and a compact car sized crystal chandelier. The children will note the huge and glittery chandelier is excluded from the purchase of the home which means the new homeowner will need to provide their own tacky light fixture. The 22-foot long dining room seats 8 (or perhaps 10 in a pinch), and the large, well-equipped but unfortunately uninspired kitchen has a light brown tiled floor, honey colored raised panel cabinetry topped by sand colored granite counter tops and is open to the breakfast room that looks out towards the verdant lawns in the big back yard.

Other rooms include a small office off the foyer, a 750 square foot great room with dark taupe wall to wall carpeting, a fireplace and some funky-ass furniture including what appears to be a wacky fur covered ottoman sitting in the center of the room, a "bonus room" with a built-in bar where The Hoff probably spent a lot of time and where he has hung all his gold, silver and platinum records, and tucked back behind the kitchen and garages is the laundry room and a small den or staff room with private pooper.

Accessible by staircase or elevator are three family bedrooms on the second floor that share two poopers and a sprawling master bedroom complex comprised of a 35-foot long bedroom with dark wood floors and a fireplace, a private balcony, an office, two bathrooms including one with beige marble tile floors and a shower with hey-noose brass accents, at least three walk-in closets (because all of The Hoff's Speedos take up a lot of room) and a second, private staircase that descends into the kitchen.

The grounds include a free form swimming pool and spa, a lighted north/south oriented tennis court and not just one, but two guest houses. Your Mama is not fond of this particular property but if there's anything we love more that a guest house it's two guest houses. One has been done up for guests and the other The Hoff uses as a gym to keep his aging pectoral muscles swimsuit ready just in case someone foolishly decides to bring back Baywatch.

Now that the Hasselhoffs are no longer Mister and Missus we really haven't any idea where either of them have moved. If we had to guess, we'd guess that ex-Mrs. Hoff stayed in the Valley where she's probably got long standing relationships with her manicurist and masseur and we'd guess that Mister Hoff moved to Malee-boo where he can strut his hairy stuff and pick up on much younger bikini-clad bee-hawtchas hoping someone foolishly decides to bring back Baywatch so they can get their big break strapping on a red bathing suit cut up to here and down to there, jogging up and down the beach for no reason whatsoever, and vying for the attentions of old man Mitch Buchannon. Ugh.

Aussie Actress Toni Collette Selling Up In Sydney

SELLER: Toni Collette
LOCATION: Rupertswood Avenue, Bellevue Hill, Sydney, Australia
PRICE: rumored to be in excess of $6,500,000 (AUS)
SIZE: 5 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Few residences can summon such a welcoming feel of style, sophistication and ease of family living. This traditional Spanish Mission style residence makes an exceptional entertainers' retreat and a private family sanctuary of immense comfort and charm.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The other day as Your Mama was whittling away too much time watching wacky 1960 dance numbers like this on the YouTube, we received a clandestine missive from Dottie Downunder who generously informed us that former pizza delivery gurl turned Academy Award nominated Aussie actress Toni Collette and her musician huzband Dave Galafassi were selling up their hoity toity house in Sydney. That's Sydney, Australia chickens. Although listing information does not indicate an asking price, the property is rumored to be priced somewhere in excess of $6,500,000 (AUS), an amount our bejeweled abacus reveals converts to 5,453,435 U.S. dollars at current rates.

Unfortunately for Miss Collette, or perhaps in a divine stroke of professional luck that allows her to be more of an actress than a "celebrity," she's often overshadowed in the Tinseltown fame game by a couple other Academy Award winning Aussie actresses by the names of Nicole Kidman and Cate Blanchett. Although Australian movie goers have watched her in dozens of films and programs not in wide release in the U.S., all us folk in the Northern hemisphere came to know and love Miss Collette in the mid-1990s as the ABBA luvvin' daydreamer Muriel in Muriel's Wedding and later in The Sixth Sense (for which she earned her Oscar nomination) and more recently in the Oscar winning comedy Little Miss Sunshine. Currently Miss Collette is working her stuff as a multi-personalitied muralist and mother in Academy Award winning screenwriter Diablo Cody's United States of Tara on the Showtime.

Previous reports reveal Miss Collette and Mister Galafassi purchased their house on Rupertswood Avenue in the posh and prosperous Bellevue Hill area of Sydney in 2004 for around $5,000,000 (AUS). A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus shows that converts to $4,194,950 at today's rates, but of course we have no idea what that converted to back in 2004. The property sits about half way between downtown Sydney (the CBD) and beautiful Bondi Beach.

Listing information forwarded by Dottie Downunder shows the fully hedged and extensively secured "Spanish Mission" style crib wraps around a courtyard at the rear and includes 5 bedrooms and 2.5 poopers including a private, airy second floor master with a small but private pooper with a sky light, a sky-lighted walk-in closet and 5 sets of French doors that all open to Juliet balconies overlooking the back yard and the scenic Sydney Harbor in the not so far distance.

A porte-cochere on the side of the house leads to the front entrance and stair hall which acts as the central traffic hub for the entire house. To one side is a sparsely furnished, wood-floored living room with a fireplace, the most marvelous and pristine white walls, a delishus red and yellow area rung and several other red accents in the chandelier, curtains and sconces. It might be nice to have more places to sit in here than just an Eames lounge chair (and perhaps there are but we just can't see them), but we adore the way Miss Collette and her nice gay decorator have worked the color in here. The walls may be white, but this room hardly lacks in color and personality. Adjacent and open to the living room is a sun room with stone floors, a wee dining room set with sunshine yellow upholstered chairs, a day bed (which we'd suggest removing) and a wall of windows that open to the front garden.

Opposite the living room is a large family room that opens through French doors to the courtyard terrace and leads to the sleek kitchen and chandelier-less dining room. Like in the master bedroom directly above, a trio of French doors open the room up to the back yard creating an easy-breezy, well conceived covered patio-like space where Your Mama can imagine whipping up a box cake and reading the morning papers with a giant cup of Joe.

At the center of the rear courtyard is a bubbling water feature and a small deck with an outdoor shower. There is really little Your Mama loves more than showering in the outdoors. For all you people who haven't experienced that little nugget us joy, we recommend it highly. Beyond the courtyard area is a dining terrace and a good sized patch of lawn on which the pooches can piddle and poop with impunity.

Information Your Mama managed to dig up on the interweb shows that Miss Collette recently sold a beach house in Tamarama (near Bondi Beach) as well as an eco-friendly rural getaway a couple hours outside of Sydney where she and the huzband were married in a 3-day long Buddhist ceremony in 2003 and sold in 2008, reportedly for around $1.61M (AUS). Mrs. Sunshine also reportedly owns a home in the Wicklow Mountains area of Ireland, an area we presume she got to know during her torrid romantic liason with Irish actor Jonathan Rhys-Meyers back in the late 1990s. Most reports indicate Mister and Missus Collette and baby are living in Lala Land where she films her series The United States of Tara. As far as Your Mama knows, the couple have not purchased a home in Southern California but then again, maybe they have and we just don't know about it.

Donald Trump Selling Beverly Hills Abode

SELLER: Donald Trump
LOCATION: Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $12,000,000
SIZE: 10,442 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Excellent development opportunity in prime Beverly Hills Flats location. Over 31,000 Sq Ft flat lot that includes North/South facing, lighted tennis court, pool, spa, and beautiful grounds. In the best location, very close to the Beverly Hills Hotel.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in the summer of 2008 Your Mama received a covert communique from Our Fairy Godmother in Beverly Hills who passed along the rumor that real estate's biggest braggadocio Donald Trump had snatched up a center hall Colonial style mansion with a symmetrical front facade on Bev Hills' tree-lined Roe-day-oh Drive. At the time, Your Mama was unable to confirm the purchase with a second source and before long our booze-addled brain plum forgot about the property altogether.

That is, until late last week when Our Fairy Godmother in Beverly Hills sent us another delishus missive regarding the Rodeo Drive residence indicating that Mister Trump had not only flipped the property back on the market with an asking price of $12,000,000, but that it also appeared to be in escrow after less than two weeks on the open market.

So this time, rather than have the information dissipate in thin air like smoke froma candle, we got on the horn with this tipster and that informant and wound up yakking with the nearly omniscient Lucy Spillerguts who verified that Mister Trump is indeed the owner of the property in question. Although Beverly Hills is unquestionably the perfect Los Angeles locale for Mister Trump to parade around in bejeweled cufflinks and a long limo-zeen with 24-carat gold accents, what no one we know seems to know is why Mister Trump bought this west coast outpost in the first place or why he'd sell it just a year later, albeit seemingly at a million dollar (or more) profit. What's also unknown to Your Mama and our spider web of spies is whether Mister Trump ever occupied or even stepped foot onto this property.

Whatever the case, information we received–and records reveal–that an organization Miss Spillerguts swears on her Cross-Your-Heart is controlled by the man with the cotton-candy comb over bought the 10,442 square foot pile in July of 2008. Conveniently located just a short skip (or drunken stumble) from the Beverly Hills Hotel where a basic burger will suck twenty-five smackers out of your wallet, the 2-story, 10,442 square foot pile sits on flat a 31,000 square foot lot and includes 6 bedrooms, 6.5 poopers, 4 fireplaces and a double height entrance portico with 8 skinny columns.

Although the exterior of the house looks like it might be a 1930s relic of Hollywood's golden age where some Tinseltown diva like Gloria Swanson or Tallulah Bankhead might have shacked up, listing information and county records both indicate the house was actually put up in 1981. That's right, 1981. Formal living and dining rooms with hih-dee-us inlaid marble floors flank the center entrance hall which at the time Mister Trump purchased the place featured marble floors and balustrades, a double height ceiling, gilded moldings, and a curving, red-carpeted staircase that would make Scarlett O'Hara weep with envy. We can't imagine that the Mister Trump, who has a thing for all things shiny, glitzy and ostentatious, would have changed a thing in this shiny, glitzy and ostentatious foyer but honestly chickens, since current listing photos are slim (meaning none of the interiors) we really don't know if his team of nice gay decorators got up in there and gussy the place up Trump style with even more gilding, marble, crystal and faux-Rococo this and thats.

Listing information reveals that additional interior amenities include an art studio, den, family room with a built in bar, gym, library/study, media room, office, eat-in kitchen, sauna, and elevator. The massive master suite, according to information provided to Your Mama by Babbling Babette, includes dual poopers, closets and dressing rooms perfect for unhappily married couples do not care to run into each other while performing their morning and evening toilette. Behind the towering hedge at the front of the property, double drive gates open to a semi-circular driveway and an unfortunately front facing four car garage. In the back yard is the requisite swimming pool and spa, a patch of lawn for the canines to use as a terlit and a properly oriented north/south lighted tennis court.

Since the property is being marketed as an "excellent development opportunity" we presume Mister Trump didn't do a whole lot to the property in the short time he owned it. What's fassinatin' to Your Mama is that if this is such a excellent development opportunity why didn't or doesn't the world's biggest show boating property developer develop the damn property hisself? But if we've said it once we've said it 49,000 times, who are we to question the real estate decisions of the rich, the famous and the rich and famous.

Hugh Hefner Unloads One

Back in mid-March of 2009 Your Mama discussed the Holmby Hills estate that Hugh Hefner and his sorta-wife/baby momma Kimberly put on the market with a spine tingling real estate bubble asking price of $27,995,000.

The children will recall that the 7 bedroom and 5 pooper manse measures 7,318 square feet and for better or worse sits right up next door to the (in)famous Playboy Mansion where the still frisky thanks to modern medicine octogenarian soft-porn purveyor lives with three gurlfriends–including a set of teenage twins–young enough to be his great-grandchildren. The house in question was occupied by Missus Hefner and the two butter beans she had with her philandering huzband Hef.

Next we heard about the property was just a few days ago when Mister Big Time revealed that the property was in escrow. Well chickens, thanks to our good friend Babbling Babette we've learned that the property has indeed been sold. We haven't been able to suss out the identity of the buyer but we can tell you that the estate sold for, are you ready? Drum roll please...Eighteen million clams. That's right puppies some buyer had the nerve to offer $18,000,000 and Mister and Missus Hefner had the brains to take the money and run, run, run.

Now that this deed is done, Your Mama waits on pins and needles to see if ol' Hef up and sells his other house on S. Mapleton Drive, not the Playboy Mansion which is actually on Charing Cross Road, but the one up the road a bit from the wifey's old house where we hear he puts up all the wanna be nekked boobie-models that flock to the Playboy Mansion like moths to a flame.