Some Mish Mash for Monday Afternoon

Your Mama would like to put forth a few non-stories this afteroon for all the children who might care.

1.
Now that apparently well endowed soccer stud David Beckham has gone on record saying he wants to high tail it out of Tinseltown to play ball with some team in Milan, Your Mama is already steeling our brittle nerves in preparation for the family's real estate crazy train to pull out of the station.

The children will recall that after looking at every damn house in the Platinum Triangle with a list price over $15,000,000 and wearing out more than one high-fallutin' real estate agent, Sexy and The Spice Gurl finally settled for a newly constructed 13,149 square foot Italian villa style pile on San Ysidro Road in Hills of Beverly.

In April of 2007, the couple reportedly paid $18,200,000 for the six bedroom and 9 bathroom spread and it remains to be seen if they'll be able to break even should they chose to flip the property once they've vacated the post premises or if they'll have to take big hit on their fat bank accounts. We're sure some of the children have lots to say about that.

2.
Did the children see that after she moved to a condo in Westwood, CA that Lauren Conrad gurl from The Hills put her West Hollywood house up for lease at $11,000 per month? Pleeze. Let's not even go there.

3.
Back in January, American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino was widely reported to be thisclose to losing one of her two Charlotte, NC homes to foreclosure. However, she seems to have been saved from that particular fracas and fray just in the nick of time. Although the news may be as old as the hills to the children addicted to celebrity gossip sites, Your Mama only recently read the rumor that it was American Idol mean man Simon Cowell who bailed out Miss Barrino's cash strapped real estate ass.

Well looky there. Maybe Mister Loves His Perky Nipples isn't really an ass but just plays one on the tee-vee.

If true–and we don't know whether it is or is not–Your Mama imagines all those American Idol has-beens like big ol' Reuban Studdard and that poor alcoholic Nikki McKibbon whose plans for fame and fortune haven't gone exactly the way they'd hoped are ringing Simon's cell phone off the hook asking for a few bucks to keep their kids in diapers.

We tease. Sort of.

4.
Every one's favorite Sandy Olivia Newton-John recently sold her house in Malibu and decamped to Jupiter, FL so that she could shack up with her herb pushing huzband John Easterling. Proper records reveal that Mister Easterling has owned a home in Jupiter since 1999 and a quick search on the interweb shows he recently listed the 3 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom house for $850,000. Presumably the newlyweds would like bigger and better digs more appropriate for a woman of Miz Newton-John's iconic stature and wealth.

According to the New York Post, Mister and Missus Easterling recently went to contract to purchase a 4,500 square foot residence in Tequesta, FL that was listed for sale at around $2,250,000 but bailed out before the closing. The sellers are suing (natch) and screaming breach of contract (natch) and the Easterling's legal eagle says his clients backed out because the seller was unable to close due to their inability to convince their mortgage holder to accept a short sale...which all the children surely know by now means selling the house for less than is owed on the mortgage.

The Aussie icon is much in the news lately not only for her somewhat unexpected wedding to Mister Easterling and recent real estate transactions. That's because Patrick McDermott, her previous man-mate of 9 years, went mysteriously missing on a fishing trip four years ago and after an extensive search was presumed dead but is now believed by an intrepid investigator to be alive and living on a boat off the coast of Mexico. This never ending saga has all the hallmarks of a made for the boob-toob movie and Your Mama would just fall over and die of glee if Miz Newton-John would agree to play herself in that sordid little biopic. Don't laugh children, you know someone is writing that script and taking meetings at AMMO right this very second.