Mariska Hargitay Upgrades in the Hamptons

BUYER: Mariska Hargitay and Peter Hermann
LOCATION: East Hampton, NY
PRICE: $7,340,000
SIZE: 7,000 square feet, 11 bedrooms 6.6 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: With the summer coming to a close–and Hurricane Earl bearing down on the east coast–we thought we'd take a virtual stroll out to the hoity-toity and celebrity packed Hamptons, that glittering string of über upscale communities that dot the beachy and bucolic landscape at the far eastern end of the south fork of Long Island.

In early July of 2010 it was reported that the Emmy winning Law & Order hottie-mommy Mariska Hargitay and her actor huzband Peter Hermann upgraded their East Hampton digs from a modest 2,554 square foot house on East Hampton's Buell Lane to an historic and rambling shingle-sided farmhouse in the same posh part of town as the summertime spreads of Martha Stewart, Mort Zuckerman, and Jerry della Femina. The property is, as it turns out, also just around the corner from the very English-y Coxwould estate–listed for a bone breaking $425,000 for the 2010 summer season–that the Kabbalah Kween is rumored and reported to have leased for the summer because the $10,000,000 horse farm that she bought in late 2009 from Kelly Klein does not, alas, have a house on the property.

Blame it on the booze butter beans, but Your Mama quickly forgot about Mister and and Missus Hargitay's new house in the Hamp-toons until recently when we were clued in by the bizzy boys at Celebrity Address Aerial who whispered in Your Mama's big ol' ear that the Hargitay-Hermanns scooped up a 3-story house in East Hampton–purchased through a trust–in late June 2010 for $7,340,000.

Listing information shows the disheveled and slightly raggedly old-school Hamptons "cottage"–built way back 1890–sits on a 1.14 acre parcel and measures approximately 7,000 square feet with a staggering 11 bedrooms and 6.6 poopers. We're not exactly sure what a .6 pooper is but that, puppies, is what the listing says.

A gravel driveway sweeps across the yard to the house where a charming and deep covered porch spans the width of the front facade. There's little Your Mama enjoys more than whittling a summer day away on a shaded porch near the beach with a big stack of tabs, a giant pitcher of gin & tonics, and a big bag of candy. Yes, we're a damn fool for candy. It's a bad habit Sister Woman hates–she's in the teeth bizness–but one we can not seem to break.

Anyhoo, according to listing information, the interior spaces include a trio of parlors with wood floors distressed by age, a dining room, window wrapped sun room, and a huge, funky eat-in kitchen with a turqwaze and black tile pattern painted on to the wood floor. The laminate counter tops have an unfortunate swirly, cream and rose colored pattern, the beat up cabinetry that is supposed to look old and charming just looks to Your Mama like it's seen its better days, the Sub-Zero fridge has a chalk-board front, and above the commercial style range hangs, we are mortified to see, a pot rack that looks all kinds of hungry to clank some unsuspecting water boiler on the damn head.

Presumably, many if not most of the cottage/mansion's 11 bedrooms are situated on the second floor. Also on the second floor is a huge deck, part of which is covered, that overlooks the back yard. Another long deck runs along one side of the main floor at the back of the house and steps down the in ground heated swimming pool that too is surrounded by decking.

Even more deckingwraps around a small blue wooden building–let's call it a quaint little pool house with French doors and 9-over-1 panel sash windows–and around to where a very 1970s looking round hot tub has been sunk into the deck. The grounds also include wide swathes of lawn, mature plantings and shade trees, a guest house and a recording studio.

The unassuming, quirky, and unpretentious property–if anything in the Hamptons that cost more than seven million clams can be considered unpretentious–was sold by a British born but New York City based fashion designer and her rock and roll drummer huzband. While we always appreciate a home that genuinely looks and feels of its owner–and we do appreciate that this house does look and feel of its former owner–we don't care for the particulars, in this case a wildly eclectic hippy-dippy beach house meets Shabby Chic meets English country house meets city sophisticate day-core. However, it's really of no use speaking on it because Your Mama has to (hope, pray and) assume that the Hargitay-Hermanns have brought or will bring in their own nice, gay decorator and maybe even a smart architect to put their own spin on the interior spaces.

The real estate whereabouts of Miz Hargitay and Mister Hermann are oft reported on and speculated about. We're not sure how much light we can throw down on the matter but here's what Your Mama knows.

In October of 2007, Miz Hargitay and Mister Hermann unloaded their 2,500 square foot Jeffrey Bilhuber designed TriBeCa penthouse at 19 Beach Street for $5,100,000 and quickly laid out $7,000,000 for a 4,817 square foot penthouse pad in the then newly converted O'Neill Building on bizzy, wide, and loud Sixth Avenue in New York City's Chelsea neighborhood.

Eight or so months later, after learning their toddler got into a swank school on the Upper East Side, the peripatetic pair hoisted the 3 bedroom and 3.5 pooper doo-plex digs at the O'Neill Building back on the market with an asking price of $8,250,000. A few months later, in October of 2008, just one year after moving in, the Hargitay's packed their bags, strapped their baby on their back, and moved back out having sold their corner unit aerie for $8,150,000 to a New York City property mogul.

There was chatter among the celebrity real estate gossips back at that time that the Hargitay-Hermanns were either looking to move uptown–closer to their tykes pricey institution of learning–or to one of the leafy and expensive enclaves in Westchester County just to the north of New York City. Honestly bunnies, we don't have a clue where the Hargitay-Hermanns went but iffin Chelsea was too far for their child to commute to toddler school, then Westchester County might as well be the damn moon, you know?

listing photos: Sotheby's International Realty

Christie Brinkley Lists Picture Perfect Pad in the Hamptons

SELLER: Christie Brinkley
LOCATION: Sag Harbor, NY
PRICE: $15,750,000
SIZE: 5,500 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Former supermodel Christie Brinkley is hoping to thin her fat real estate portfolio in the hoity toity Hamptons. Miz Brinkley, who makes the Hamptons her home year round, recently listed an historic property in the North Haven section of Sag Harbor, NY with an asking price of $15,750,000.

Property records reveal that Miz Brinkley picked up the 4.5 acre bay front spread in April of 2004 for $7,150,000. It doesn't take a math genius–which Your Mama certainly is not–to see that Miz Brinkley and her real estate peeps believe her property has more than doubled in value in the last six years. And maybe it has. It's quite possible that Miz Brinkley's philandering ex-huzband, architect Peter Cook, did a number on the property prior to them parting ways in 2006 amid salacious stories in all the tabs and gossip glossies about Mister Cook's lurid affair with a legal but teen-aged gurl. Or maybe she stuck it to his professional ego and hired another architect to do the place over. Whatever the case, and extensive renovation would certainly might account for at least some of the increase in value even though the market sank like stone in 2007 and 2008 and 2009.

Anyhoo, listing information for the property shows the three floor Greek Revival style captain's house was built way back in 1843 and has not just one, but two elegant and imposing columned porticos. The interior spaces, which we'd bet our long bodied bitches are well executed and decorated even if they're not to Your Mama's own taste, include period details, wide-plank old pine floors, and 4 wood burning fireplaces according to listing information.

The main living level of the approximately 5,500 square foot house has a large living room and adjacent sitting room, formal dining room, a no doubt lavishly equipped kitchen with soapstone and marble counter tops, and a "great room" with additional sitting and dining areas. There are also a mud room, pantry and full pooper plus a powder pooper on the main floor.

A staircase with an oak banister climbs up the the landing that opens onto a water side deck. Four of the home's 5 bedrooms are located on the second floor. Three of the guest rooms have private poopers and the master suite includes a separate sitting room, private pooper, and private deck with bay views. The third floor contains a fifth bedroom, separate study, and generous storage space. What the third floor does not appear to have is a pooper which means anyone staying up there has to make their way down a flight of stairs in the middle of the night to do their bizness.

The property stretches out to the bay where there is 327 feet of sandy beach over looking the bay, harbor and Shelter Island. The grounds have mature landscaping, specimen trees, gardens, and a water side gunite swimming pool sunk directly into the lawn with a simple blue stone coping. While pools completely surrounded by lawn can be murder for Pablo the Pool Boy–they sho' do look purdy.

In addition to owning the bay front property immediately next door that records show she purchased in August of 2007 for $9,900,000, Miz Brinkley also owns Tower Hill, a 20+ acre compound in the inland area of Sag Harbor that she's owned since the mid-1990s and has had on and off the market for years with asking prices as high as $30,000,000.

The middle aged and still quite striking Miz Brinkley also maintains an itty bitty and dumpy but charming ocean front cottage in nearby Water Mill that she had on the market back in May of 2007 with an asking price of $7,900,000.

listing photos: Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate

A Hamptons Hideaway for David Hyde Pierce

BUYER: David Hyde Pierce and Brian Hargrove
LOCATION: Amagansett, NY
PRICE: $6,300,000
SIZE: 4,000+ square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The summer season has officially begun so let's all head out to the hoity toity Hamptons where the roadways become parking lots and the restaurants become tedious exercises in self-control from the end of May to the beginning of September.

A peep and a poke around Property Shark reveals that some of the East End's newest home owners are Emmy winning actor David Hyde Pierce and his long-time man-friend and huzband Brian Hargrove who, according to public property records, picked up an ocean front property in Amagansett, NY in mid-May of 2010 for $6,300,000. Lo-ward have mercy butter balls, we should all be so damn lucky as to be essentially unemployed and still able to spend six and some million smackers on a beach house that will likely be used, at best, 6 months of the year.

Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove join the wealthy masses who schlep out to the Hamptons each summer weekend for a bit of rest and relaxation and end up tearing their hair out over the drama and hysterics required just to buy a damn lobster roll at Loaves & Fishes in Sagaponack or a burrito at La Fondita in East Hampton. Fortunately for Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove, their new digs are just a hop, skip and a jump–or a not entirely safe bike ride–from one of Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's favorites summer lunch locales, the road side Clam Bar at Napeague where all good things come deep fried and the waiter people always bring our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly cool bowls of water.

Mister Hyde Pierce is most widely known, of course, for his long running role as the mincing, fussy, and annoyingly persnickety psychiatrist Dr. Niles Crane on the once popular now defunct sitcom program Frasier. In addition to earning him boo-coo bucks, Mister Hyde Pierce's role also earned him numerous accolades including 5 Golden Globe nominations, 2 Screen Actors Guild awards (plus another 10 nominations), and 4 Emmys (plus another 7 nominations). A quick look-see at Mister Hyde Pierce's resume on the IMDB shows that he really didn't do much before Frasier and hasn't done much since Frasier ended in 2004 after 11 successful seasons. Your Mama imagines that well educated Mister Hyde Pierce–he graduated with a double major from Yale–has nary a financial need to do a damn thing but sun his buns on the back deck of his new house in Amagansett for the rest of his life iffin he doesn't want to. Such are the beauty of residual checks that will keep fattening Mister Hyde Pierce's bank accounts as long as reruns of Frasier are played day and night on every half cocked cable channel on the boob toob.

Mister Hargrove, who hasn't worked on anything in the business of show that appears on his IMDB resume since 2003, wrote and produced several sitcoms and pilot programs including Caroline in the City, Titus, and Wanda at Large.

Listing information Your Mama was able to tease out of the interweb shows the gay guys' very 1970s contemporary crib is nestled into the gorgeous and rolling dunes of Amagansett on a .67 acre parcel with 110-feet of pristine and prime ocean frontage. Listing information also shows the single story dwelling, surrounded by naturalistic, no maintenance shrubbery and vegetation, measures more than 4,000 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms and 4 full poopers.

While there's little more pleasant–and enviable–to Your Mama then an decoratively under-done beach house where guests will not be whispered about or lambasted by the hosts for dragging sea salt and sand into the living room, Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove's new beach hut could use a wee bit o' updating and upgrading.

The living/dining room, anchored at one end by a fireplace, is an amazingly voluminous space with an unobstructed ocean view and a sharply pitched and vaulted ceiling that resembles a big, upside down boat. A long row of floor to ceiling sliding glass doors that blur the edge between indoors and out wraps around the back wall and open to a wide, sunbathing deck that runs the length of the back of the house. A covered dining deck makes a lovely open-air shelter from the elements that can include scorching sunshine and downpours from the dramatic thunderstorms that rush in during the summertime. A sandy path winds through the rugged, windswept dunes to the beach.

Besides the bewildering blue and white and nautically cliché carpeting in the bedrooms, it's the kitchen that clearly needs the most assistance from a nice, gay decorator. What's good is that the kitchen is large and sky lit. Your Mama can even live with the pickled paneling that is trés 1970s and could be utilized to nice effect in the right hands. What's bad is pretty much everything else. The cabinetry looks dull and worn, the counter tops punished with old-fashioned and boring laminate, the appliances mismatched in a most unpleasant manner and, let's be honest, not the quality that one expects to find in a six and some million clam crib at the beach.

We should probably just keep our fat trap shut about this because the knick-knacks and paddy-whacks were–we hope–most likely removed by the previous owners. However, we can't help ourselves. The bric-a-brac hot mess on top of the cabinetry, which appears to include several photographs that quite likely can't even be seen by someone of average height since they're so damn high and a plant–heaven help us all if it's a dreaded plastic plant–has got Your Mama so on edge that we had to take a break, a lie down and a nerve pill. How many times do we have to tell the children that putting a bunch of crap on top of kitchen cabinetry is nothing but a recipe for dust and bad taste. It just is.

Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove's new nearby neighbors in the Hamptons include Goop-y ack-tress Gwenyth Paltrow and her rock star huzband Chris Martin, and Sex and the City's Sarah Jessica Parker and her Broadway baby huzband Matthew Broderick who own a modest ocean front house in Amagansett as well as an even more modest house across the street. A little farther away are honchos like Naomi Watts, Paul McCartney, Robert DeNiro, Ralph Lauren, and fellow (out) gays Jann Wenner and Matt Nye.

Property records indicate that Misters Hyde Pierce and Hargrove also own some sort of time-share style pied a terre near Lincoln Square in New York City that they picked up in May of 2005. It's also been widely reported the couple live primarily in Los Angeles and Your Mama's sources have told us the live in Los Feliz, but honestly chickens we don't find much in the way or property records that confirm that. Whatever the case, Your Mama wishes them a swell summer at their new hideaway in the Hamptons.

A Little Floor Plan Porn to Get The Children Through the Afternoon

There are few of the children who do not crave a little floor plan porn to help them whittle away the early evening cocktail hours or the late afternoon office doldrums when no one is really working but everyone is sort of pretending to work so their boss does not blow a gasket or make snide remarks. Therefore, Your Mama aims to please with a juicy nugget from New York City.

Last week the fine folks at CityFile fished out the listing for the Park Avenue doo-plex that filthy rich Goldman Sachs CEO and Chairman Lloyd Blankfein and his wifey Laura recently hoisted on to the market with an asking price of $15,000,000.

All the children with eyeballs can plainly see the 5 bedroom and 6 pooper apartment (plus two staff bedrooms and a shared pooper) includes 14 rooms, 19 closets, 2 fireplaces, and a 30+ foot long living room. In addition to the well separated four bedrooms and three terlits on the second floor, the first floor master suite is comprised of a private study, two walk-in and four smaller closets, a corner bedroom with a view of tree-lined Park Avenue, and two petite but adequate bathrooms, one for him and one for her we pree-zoom.

Other than the generous but wonky shaped living room, the apartment is marvelously laid out for a family and includes a well equipped eat in kitchen, large family room, laundry room, separate family room, and and two sinfully small staff rooms that share a bathroom where, the eagle eyed will note, the closets are unfortunately located. Listen chickens, we got nothing against rich people hiring people to do things they don't care to do, like raise up their kids, but it just isn't right to make the hired help live up in rooms smaller than the damn closets in the master bedroom. And don't even get Your Mama started on the long list of problems we have with the staff room closest being in the same room as the terlit. Honestly.

Mister Blankfein, who took home a staggering $53+ million bucks in 2006 and another $68.5 in 2007, has decamped for the other side of Central Park where he and the wifey forked over $26,000,000 for a 6,136 square foot dee-luxe doo-plex at the limestone clad Robert A.M. Stern designed building at 15 Central Park West.

Property records also show that the Blankfeins still own their 7 bedroom and 6.5 bathroom Hamptons hideaway on Parsonage Road in Sagaponack, NY which they had on the market back in the summer of 2007 with an asking price of $13,995,000.