Out with the Old, In with the New

You have been handed a new book.

Its pages are blank.

Its spine is stiff and the paper smells fresh.

You crack open the ledger and thumb through the crisp pages.

All empty.

Not a single line of prose.

Not a single jotting of a memory.

Not a single letter, sign or symbol.

Every space available.

Every room a vacancy.

Every chapter void.

What will you do with this diary?
Is your memoir a mystery, comedy, or tragedy?

What would the title read?

The chapters?

Will you do with this diary the same as you did with last year's?

Will you write within its pages the same verses, the same resolves, the same worries?

What if, instead of being bound within the binding of yesterday,
you could scribble new dreams?
What if your journal, instead of failure, recorded fruition?
Instead of regret, rejoicing?
Instead of fear, faith?


But, despite your own determination,

your quest for perfection is unattainable.

Your hunt for holiness, useless.

However, the hero in our story defends our honor.
The villain who would hinder and sabotage our deliverance is bested and crushed!
Our worthless virtue becomes exquisite beauty.

Since God reconciled us through Jesus,

we all get a fresh start with new mercies and new grace.

Every single day.

Every single page.

Every single line.

As you pick up your pen to write in your new year's book, 
within the narrative will you record the truth, when confronted with lies?
Will you testify to hope when driven to despair?
Will you submit to His authority as the Author and Publisher of your faith?


 If you belong to Christ, you are a new creation. 
The old things have gone; everything is made new!


What a note-worthy novel yours will be!

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THE CHRYSALIS (Part 2 of 2) :: My Encounter with Depression

Chrysalis -  noun

(Latin) Chrysallid-,

A protective covering while undergoing metamorphosis: a stage of being or growth.

Metamorphosis - 

(Greek) To transform;

A marked change in appearance, character, condition or function.

In Part 1, I shared with you my struggle with depression 

after having an abortion when I was 19.

Through some kinds words of healing from a friend,

I learned that struggles are normal, 

how to forgive myself 

and that depression precedes change.

I have an enemy that hates me, but his killing, stealing and destroying has been overcome

by Jesus' love on the cross and victory over the tomb!!

One afternoon, shortly after 

The Great Healing of the Darkness of My Soul began,

our family went to our city's Planetarium/Science Center.

There, in the Butterfly Garden, God spoke to me about my ordeal,

while a crowd of people gathered to watch a butterfly emerging from it's cocoon.

I was so moved by it, I wrote about it.

THE CHRYSALIS

Watching in amazement,

wonder,

some gazing with disgust

as that creature

who by her own power

crawls into a place of isolation.

Never knowing she was spinning

threads of pain,

threads of doubt,

threads of unforgiveness.

Around and around she goes

being sure to keep those strands taut, strong.

The only protection for her fragile soul.

The only thing keeping her world still.

Only knowing that darkness and passage of time

hold no relief from it,

And passage of time serves no purpose.

Unaware that she is a victim

of her own chrysalis.

Hanging now,

by a single strand of hope.

All the while, an unseen power transforms her.

Releasing her soul

to become new.

Every broken part

being replaced

with joy

being replaced with love

being replaced with peace.

Where she thought was a hiding place

had become her healing place.

So, now,

unaware of the audience fascinated by her ordeal,

she ever so quietly,

desperately,

wrestles herself from her self-made cocoon.

Not knowing why she is born this way.

Seeing the light, she is blinded by its intensity,

yet captivated

by the wonders awaiting her.

And she is coaxed by one within the crowd,

by One whose cocoon is long empty

to emerge from her pain,

release her past

and embrace the Sun.

As she unfurls her wings for flight,

she instinctively knows

her destination

and effortlessly glides on winds unseen,

toward the Garden,

as the crowd looks on.

~LeslieAnn 2001

All these gorgeous photos of butterflies were taken by my friend, 

Maureen 

at Cottage 960.

I am honored that she would let me share them with you!

Her photographs captured my eyes and heart! 

She sees things in her lens of life that leave me speechless.

If you love photography, you will love her blog!

THE CHRYSALIS (Part 1 of 2) :: My Encounter with Depression

Chrysalis -  noun

(Latin) Chrysallid-,

A protective covering while undergoing metamorphosis: a stage of being or growth.

Metamorphosis - 

(Greek) To transform;

A marked change in appearance, character, condition or function.

A few years ago, I found myself going through a great darkness of my soul.
I saw no point in living. 
No desire to remain in this world, 
yet scared to find out where I'd end up in the next, 
if I were to actually commit suicide.

I felt deserted by God. 

I felt lost and abandoned. I wondered if God even heard me.

I wondered if I could be so overwhelmed with darkness that I could fall outside His grace.

Where was the delight in my salvation I once had, 

the confidence in knowing I had a future and a hope?

Where did the assurance and clarity of my faith go?

I struggled to know if my faith was real. I mean, REALLY real. 

And if I was struggling with THAT, did it mean that I was really a Christian?


Was I being punished for some reason, 
that all these sins from my past were surfacing for me to deal with?
My guilt from an abortion, when I was 19, was the main contributor to my pain.
I decided I had committed the unpardonable sin.
I asked and asked for forgiveness, but could not feel it.
I felt alone, unworthy, undeserving of grace.

My normal gregarious, outgoing nature had turned cold and aloof.
My home was left unkempt. My children, ignored.
My own self? Neglected.
I spent my days wandering from room to room, crying.
Or staring into space, as if in a trance.
Or just lying in bed all day.


Like King David, in Psalm 32, I:
"kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long."


One day, I had enough clarity to call a friend.


She reminded me that every Christian has problems at one time or another,
heck, we have problems simply because we are human beings.
We aren't immune to what happens around us.
In fact, the more I seek to become close to Jesus, 
the more likely I am to experience troubles in this world.


STRUGGLES ARE NORMAL.

She also reminded me that if there was any sin in my depression, 
it was a result of not accepting the forgiveness, not in the asking for it.
God does forgive even the most terrible sin.


ACCEPT GOD'S FORGIVENESS.


She also reminded me that I shouldn't be surprised that my faith was being tried. 
Difficulties and suffering make us face up to wrong attitudes, values and goals in life. 
Times of loss and frustration, are also times of spiritual change and growth.
God was disciplining me that I might share in His holiness.


DEPRESSION PRECEDES CHANGE.


She also reminded me that I, the moment I became a Christian,
I became the special object of the enemy of my soul: Satan.
(I realize it may not be popular, trendy, or politically correct to mention the role of Satan in spiritual depression, 
but I believe, that just as GOOD is real, EVIL is real.) 
Although Satan cannot rob me of my salvation, he can certainly rob me of my joy.
She was not telling me I was possessed, just oppressed.
It was in Satan's best interest to lead me astray, to destroy the work of God in my life. 
His vocation is to constantly seek to lead me on a wrong path, away from God.


WE HAVE AN ENEMY THAT HATES US. 


She reminded me that the good news is I could overcome darkness 
with the power of the Holy Spirit.
In the Cross and the empty tomb, there was not only human suffering, 
but complete victory and triumph!! 
Christ came to our world to die for our spiritual blindness, pay its penalty, 
and absorb the wrath it deserves.
Satan can no longer destroy those who are in Christ, his accusations are invalid. 
My suffering could not separate me from Jesus.


THE ENEMY HAS BEEN OVERCOME.

I thank God for Karen, who was there for me that day.


If you need hope, and you are reading this, I am YOUR Karen.


Even in your darkness, God does not abandon you. 


In fact, He is right there with you.
He did not cause your despair, but rather will sustain you through it.


Cling to the only One who has been your source of hope in the past-
the only One who has a true perspective on your situation - God.


He will help you emerge from your pain and release your past.


He will set you free, as He did for me!

Psalm 1 :: A psalm of Leslie

For my 100th post, 
(I can't believe it!)
I decided to write a psalm.


King David wrote many psalms and poured out 
his heart, his pain, his fears and triumphs through them.


His psalms, or lyrical poems and prayers, tell his life story.
He wrote 150 psalms.
I managed one, for now.


It was quite interesting to reflect on my life while writing this.



I think YOU should try it!




Psalm 1- A psalm of Leslie




Before I was even born, my enemy tried to erase me.

He did not want me here and tried to slaughter me.

You protected my soul and body while I was still in the womb.


You Lord, had mercy on me and spared me.

In childhood, my innocence and trust were misused.

I was misled by those whom I respected.

My earthly father abandoned me, but you my Father, were always there.

When I chose the wrong paths, you followed me, 

whispered to my heart and I heard you.

When I went astray, you walked by my side, 
and nudged me back on the proper route.

When I made an absolute mess of my life, 
you brought me clarity and restored my dignity.

You Lord, restored me gently through your tenderness.

Throughout my life, you have been here, 

watching my leaving and returning.

Enjoying my laughter and counting my tears.

You see my anger and my fear, 

yet do not hold it against me, and call me blameless.

Only in you do I find joy!

Every second, you are accessible to my petitions.

Every minute, your love covers my faults.

Every hour, you keep me safe from those who would harm me.

Every day, your light shows me your truth.

All my life, you have been here.

You have filled me with a purpose and creativity, 
given me a destiny and hope.
I know this very well.

.