Lady Gaga Gets Down in the 90077

Listen chickens, Your Mama was away on our vacay a day or two longer than planned because, perhaps not surprisingly, we got stranded in the wilds of northern Arizona after our recently rehabbed friend Fiona Trambeau fell off the wagon and ran off with some socks with sandals wearing German tourist in a rented RV. She also, much to our horror and dismay, took off with the keys to her Lezbaru tucked deep into her tube top. Eventually ol' Fiona came back, worse for the wear and reeking of Pilsner, dripping in chunky turqwahze jewelery and shouting out things like, "Auf dem wasser su zingen!" After giving Fiona a verbal dressing down that would wither even the most bitter drag queen and an arduous 11 hour trek across 4 states, 2 time zones and temperatures reaching upwards of 110 degrees, Your Mama has finally returned home to our hideway in the Hollywood Hills.

Anyhoo, vacation dramatics aside, Your Mama is back in the saddle at the celebrity real estate rodeo and ready to go. Let's get our post vacation feet wet with some recent real estate doings of a gal named Stefani Germanotta, better known to the young people as the provocative pop star Lady Gaga. Besides taking up the button pushing mantle of the middle aged music icon Madonna–a story line the Kabbalah Kween might take umbrage with–Miss Gaga recently made became the darling of the tabs and gossip glossies after the beer swilling high priestess of wannabe shocking brazenly flipped off photographers at a Mets game at Shea Stadium and then showed up a couple weeks later at a Yankees game in little more than a bra and panties where she proceeded to get sauced, sweet talk her way into the team's clubhouse, and cause a ruckus with some word slurring and (alleged) breast fondling.

As tantalizing as Miss Gaga's wacky ways may be, it's her real estate bidness that concerns Your Mama. While away on vacation, not so patiently awaiting the return of our trampy pal Fiona Trambeau, Your Mama received an unexpected covert communique from one of our better connected informants–let's call her Rhonda Ratsemout–who whispered in our big ear that New York City based Lady Gaga maintains a super swank nest in Los Angeles.

That's right bunnies, Lady Gaga is going Hollywood, or rather she's going Bel Air. According to Rhonda, last October Miss Gaga leased a 6 bedroom and 8 pooper residence in the hills above Bel Air at around $25,000 per month.
Property records and previous reports reveal Lady Gaga's leased residence is owned by Canadian real estate developer Lorne Leibel whose car fanatic son Cody is the bidness partner of restaurateur, nightclub owner and hotelier Sam Nazarian who owns celeb friendly Hollywood hot spots such as Hyde Lounge, Katsuya, The Abbey and the SLS Hotel. Property records reveal Mister Leibel paid a hefty $3,150,000 for the property in January of 2004 and last had the property on the open market in 2009 for $4,750,000.

According to listing information the high-walled and gated residence sits at the tail end of a quiet cul-de-sac and measures 6,143 square feet. Interior amenities include an impress the guest style double height entry with marble floors and a curving staircase that would make Norma Desmond swoon with melodrama, a two-story living room wrapped in French doors and warmed by a fireplace with an intricately carved stone mantel piece and a family room with another fireplace and another intricately carved stone mantel piece and brown and cream colored vertical striped wall treatment. There is also an office/library with built-in shelving and French doors that open to the pool terrace and a gigantic gore-may kitchen with separate breakfast area and an adjacent outdoor eating area.

The hillside property has a resort-style swimming pool and spa that practically hangs over the canyon with unobstructed and panoramic views of the Los Angeles. With a pair of binoculars, Miss Gaga can probably look across the canyon and up at Heidi Klum's former house that Nick Lachey currently owns has listed with an asking price of $6,800,000 although we don't imagine Miss Gaga has much use for someone as musically vanilla as Mister Lachey who, Your Mama thinks, beehawtcha could chew up in about 12 seconds flat.

Your Mama freely admits that we don't know where Miss Gaga currently resides in New York City although we do know that she used to live not so far from the Lower East Side tenement where Your Mama lived for about 1,000 years. However, since first hearing from Rhonda Ratsemout, we've heard that Miss Gaga actually tried to by Mister Leibel's other house in the Hidden Valley enclave of Beverly Hills (Post Office) that was last listed at $16,500,000. In the end she decided to lease the less expensive house in Bel Air, all of which makes Your Mama wonder if Miss Gaga is planning on relocating to Los Angeles sometime in the near future. Only time will tell chickadoodles, only time will tell.

NOTE: This posting has been amended for its original form. Your Mama got our wires crossed as to the exact house Miss Gaga leased. We've got out ducks in a row now. We apologize for the gross error.

Spa in a Paint Can

After Christmas sales of bath and beauty sets-in-a-bag-or-basket are plentiful!

In stores like Walgreens, CVS,Wal-Mart, Eckerds, they line the shelves.

The prices are excellent at 50% off!

But, the packaging is so generic and contrived.

Each gift looks like every other package in the Health and Beauty Aisle.

But what if you took another look 

at these pre-packaged goods 

and added this:

+

(Inspiration from BHG)

and got this?

What if you made a personal gift for a friend's birthday?

A friend who just got a new garden tub?

That's just what I did!

I gathered supplies:

• Spa Set-in-a-bag
• A bar of soap
• An empty paint can from Lowe's
• A paint can opener from Lowe's
• A few paint samples from Lowe's
• Scrapbook paper
• Vellum paper
• Double-sided tape
• Hole puncher
• Hammer
• 3' Wide Ribbon

Printed labels on the Vellum paper.

Unwrapped the loofah, scrubber, pumice and soap.

Wrapped scrapbook paper and labels around each,

taped them closed.

Layered them in the can with a few other treats.

You could add candles, a wine glass, a face mask,

chocolate, lotion, oils, anything that will fit!

Put the lid on and tap gently with the hammer to seal.

Punch holes in the paint samples you'll use,

they will be the gift tag(s).

Wrap the ribbon around the can.

Attach paint can opener to ribbon.

Done.

Ta Da!

.

I Work for a King

I work for a King. 

He has put me in charge of his home. 

When He comes to see 
how I have managed His possessions 
and His children, 

I do not want to be found wanting. 




(Miss A and Barbie)

I want to do my best. 

Everything I have is on loan from Him. 

I have room and board and a job to do, 

but it is all for Him.

Therefore I want to dress my best 
and do my best in all my work. 

(Miss S-far right (and classmates) at her Home School Co-op Graduation 2009)

I also want to be creative, 

for this is a sincere attempt to glorify Him 
and His beautiful creation. 

How I manage my home 
is a form of worship to Him.

--Lydia Sherman


(I couldn't have said it better myself, Lydia!)

Let's remember WHO we REALLY work for.

Sunday Serenity

Each Sunday, I will feature a picture taken by one of my daughters, 

and some words of faith, hope, and love given by our Father:

Lord, 

You alone are my inheritance, 

        my cup of blessing.      

You guard all that is mine.

Outward Bound

Your Mama has popped an early morning nerve pill so that we can psychologically prepare our self to hop in a car with the usually sauced but recently rehabbed Fiona Trambeau's lezbaru in order to scream across the Mojave Desert to meet Chow Lee, his Lovely Laundress, and their Trio of Bandits who may or may not make Your Mama want to rip their sassy, pre-teen throats out before this journey into the wilderness is through.

What this means is that we're taking a bit of a vacay kids. By the end of the day Your Mama will be deep in the boondocks without telephone or wireless services and won't be back until next week iffin we decide to come back at all. Now butter beans, try to control yourselves in Your Mama's absence. We don't want to have to take the time to give y'all a smack down when we return.

Bye now.

P.S. Here's a few tidbits and morsels to keep your mouth wet while were gone.

Tommy Mottola lists Aspen ranch for $27,500,000.

Some New York hockey honcho lists his Upper West Side bachelor pad.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw finally sell their Beverly Park spread, the one with the super gay bathroom, for way less than the $14,800,000 they wanted.

Frederick C. Wehba lists Le Palais du Couchant, his newly built and never occupied Beverly Hills mega-mansion he decided is too damn big to live in.

Country king Alan Jackson just sold Sweetbriar, his massive mansion in Nashville for a heart stopping and record breaking twenty eight million and some change and now he's looking to unload a waterfront house in Tequesta, FL for $1,270,000 because he's got a new place in Jupiter Island, the very same Jupiter Island where Tiger Woods is completing a colossal contemporary mansion and where Celine Dion built a private water park in her front yard.

How to Cut Bamboo Blinds and Shades

Still in the kitchen.

You ever started a project--what you thought would be a simple project,

and one thing leads to another, as you discover kinks along the way?

Moving one thing means having to move other things,

painting one thing means having to paint other things?

This is what's happening in our beloved "heart of our home".

But, I am learning some things along the way.

Goody for you--I play nicely with others,

and I am going to share what I am learning with you!!

Today, I will share how, because I couldn't find the EXACT size of bamboo shade

needed for the window over the sink, I cut it to the size needed.

Neither Lowe's nor The Home Depot would help me.

They only cut the Levelor blinds, not "common" Ambria shades.

So, here we go.

How to Cut Bamboo Blinds and Shades

• Measure your window, and decide how much shade you'd like inside or outside your window.

I DID NOT want an inside mount, 

I wanted the shade to hang outside the edges of the window 2" on each side.

That meant a 42" shade.

• Go buy your a slightly larger shade than the width you need. Make sure the header frame mounting material is wood, or bamboo.

I got a 48" shade.

• You will need a fine tooth hacksaw, tape measure, masking tape, a marker, and a miter box (the box is not really necessary). You can also cut the shade with an electric chop saw if you have one, but most of us don't, or are scared of them, so a hand saw is what we use.

• Cut off the end of the plastic packaging slighly further than the width you need to cut. The wrapping will help hold the shade into a roll while you cut.

• Divide the total inches you need to saw off in half, this is how much you will saw off each end. Mark around the circumference of the blind.

So, to make a 42" shade:

48" minus 6" divided by 2 = 3" off each side!

There! Your homeschool math lesson for the day!

• Start sawing. It helps to have a professional work bench, like I do.

(See the aqua floral print in the picture below? 

I am in my professional shop pajamas uniform.)

•  Keep sawing.

• Saw some more.

• Keep going.

• Get a Bandaid. Owie.

• Almost through.

• Tamp the cut side on a flat surface, so the end will be flat/even on the other side when you cut through it.

• Flip the blind and repeat on the other side. 

The second time, I got smart (at least to my way of thinking) 

and tightly taped the blind with masking tape, inside the cutting line. 

This helped hold it firmly, while I hacked away at it. 

Do this for both ends from the start--and maybe no blister for you.

I took a picture for you of the blind I cut, 

side by side with a blind that was fresh from the package- factory cut.

Don't they look the same?

That's more better.

You can also cut the slatted (these are matchstick) bamboo blinds this way.

As of today, my boo-boo is healed, thanks for asking!

Proverbs 31:16-17

Leslie version:

She considers a blind and buys it;
         From her earnings she covers the window.
   She works out by sawing and gains strength

which makes her arms strong.

Patrick Dempsey Does It Up in the Bu

BUYER: Patrick Dempsey
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $7,000,000
SIZE: 5,547 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The children regularly question Your Mama about the real estate doings of a lot different famous people as if we are the damn Oracle of Delphi and know everything about everyone's bizness. Much as we'd love to promote that illusion, it simply isn't true. Our powers, we're not eager to confess, are far less potent than many of the children seem to believe.

Over the last year one of the persons we've been queried about more than anyone else is the much lusted after actor Patrick Dempsey who plays Dr. Derek Shepherd on the enormously popular hospital drama Gray's Anatomy. Not being a fan of the hospital drama genre of boob-toob fare–we do not even want to think about our aged internist schtupping his nubile nurse at work–we can't say that we know all too much about this Mister Dempsey or his Doctor character other than the poor man is saddled with the rather embarrassing nickname McDreamy by a lot of horny and under-sexed, middle-aged ladees whose huzbands probably stopped humping them 45 pounds ago.

Anyhoo, for the 6 months or so the real estate whereabouts of Mister Dempsey were a mystery to Your Mama, a real god damn sixty four thousand dollar question. Yes, we'd heard the rumors about him living in Malee-boo and we'd heard through the real estate grapevine that he was shacking up in the Sunset Strip area, but until recently we had no real intelligence about where the faux-doctor was hanging his scrubs.

In July of 2006 Mister and Missus Dempsey forked over $3,100,000 for a 3,841 square foot New England-y style domicile on Chantilly Road in the Bel Air section of Los Angeles. In early 2009 they listed the property with an asking price of $3,595,000 and decamped for a rented residence on N. Bundy Drive in the Brentwood area of Los Angeles. After several prodigious price chops, the Chantilly Road property finally sold in late 2009 for $2,571,500, a stunning $529,000 loss not counting the fat real estate fees that the Dempseys surely paid to their real estate people. The last we knew about the Dempsey's was in early 2010 when we heard from a reliable informant that they'd done left from their leased crib in Brentwood with their trio of youngins and headed to parts unknown.

Fast forward to this very week when we received a clandestine dispatch from Franny Francophile who directed Your Mama's limited attentions to some hard evidence as to the real estate transactions of Patty Dempsey and, as it turns, out he and the family are indeed making a nest in hills above Zuma Beach in Malibu, CA.

A little peep and poke around the property records revealed to Your Mama that back in June of 2009 Mister and Missus Dempsey dumped $7,000,000 on a 3.24 acre property that includes multi-level contemporary residence originally designed in 1972 by maverick architect Frank Gehry as the home and studio for abstract artist Ron Davis. Mister Davis sold the property in the early 1990s and it eventually landed in the hands of architecturally minded and suggestively named investor Alex Glasscock and his wife Sue who, property records reveal, paid $1,900,000 for the property in March of 2003.

Listing information provided to Your Mama by Franny Francophile shows the vaguely wedge shaped, barn-like residence measures 5,547 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 3.5 poopers including the master suite that contains dual poopers and closets, a fireplace, plasma screen tee-vee and a wide, wood framed sliding glass door that provides access to a private relaxation garden.

What's inneresting to Your Mama is that unless some sort of expansion is planned, Mister and Missus Dempsey spent seven million clams to buy a house in which two of their three shorties will need to double up in one of the secondary bedrooms. About that situation Your Mama can only tell the children that iffin we were one of Mister Dempsey's off-spring, we would most certainly grow up to be deeply resentful of having to share a damn bedroom with a sibling given that, clearly, there's plenty of dough-ray-me for all of the Dempsey children to be provided with their own private bedroom if not their own private pooper too, you know?

Anyoo, a long, gated cobblestone drive leads up to the main house where a wall of glass tucked into the chunky structure marks the front entry, a small lofted area that overlooks the voluminous, airy and maze like interior spaces that are unified by a gigantic, 20-foot by 20-foot central sky light that pierces ceiling. A staircase winds down from the entry to the "formal" living area that has reclaimed wide plank wood floors, a double height ceiling with behemoth beams, and a fireplace flanked by shelving set into the crisp, white plaster walls. The living area spills into the "formal" dining area where a wall of windows looks out onto the drought tolerant gardens all did up and done over by soo-blime landscape architect Scott Shrader who specializes in merging the vibe of a home's interior spaces with its exterior environment resulting in a seamless integration of classic California style indoor and outdoor living.

Although there really aren't any "formal" areas of the house, the more casual, family areas consist of a v-shaped galley style kitchen with thick, polished concrete counter tops and the usual coterie of high grade stainless steel appliances–including a built in Miele brand cappuccino maker–usually found in multi-million dollar dwellings. The kitchen opens into a large breakfast area and a large, elevated den that hovers over the breakfast area has built in shelving, a long wall of pane free windows, and a wall-mounted flat screen tee-vee. There are, in addition to the 3 bedrooms, two offices.

Mister Gehry clad the exterior of the house with corrugated metal and exposed wood, a combination that allows the house to both set apart and comingle with the quasi-natural landscaped environment that surrounds the house. The south side of the house opens to a colossal cobblestone terrace that meanders though the shaded and rustic landscape and a sun-bleached wooden deck that surrounds the massive swimming pool inserts a rigid order into an otherwise tangled landscape. There are tree-shaded banquettes around the swimming pool and an outdoor rain shower.

The sprawling property also includes an existing barn with three stalls, tack room and wash racks, a riding ring, two irrigated pastures, a chicken coop, and established raised bed vegetable and herb gardens accented with rose bushes and flowering vines that wrap around a long pergola. Listing information indicates the previous owners, the unfortunately named Glasscocks, submitted plans to the city of Malibu for a 3,343 square foot Laura Burkhalter designed barn with a 2nd story loft.

At the time the Mister and Missus Dempsey bought their new house in the Bu the interior day-core have been exquisitely done up and worked over by accomplished Malibu, CA and Sag Harbor, NY based decorator Michael Lee who, Your Mama thinks, owes a debt of decorative gratitude to another Michael, the late, great Michael Taylor. For those not edgumuhcated in the history of interior day-core Mister Taylor is widely and frequently credited as the creator of the "California Look," a glam meets rustic style characterized by a neutral but intricately and interestingly textured palette, huge, white upholstered pieces, stone and rough hewn wood accents, indoor trees, and sleek, sexy and clean lined elements in all the right places such as the kitchen and pooper.

Now children, before y'all start praising or dissin' on Mister Dempsey's day-core please keep in mind that the listing photos show the interior spaces as they looked when the pornographically named Mister and Missus Glasscock occupied the premises. Presumably Mister and Missus Dempsey have put their own decorative stamp on the day-core. We don't know what decorative plans the Dempsey's have (or have instituted) for their new house but Your Mama can only hope they had the good sense to hire someone with a similarly deft hand as Mister Lee. What we do know is that the Dempseys are committed to an organic Malibu lifestyle and that they employed Scott Shrader to re-work some of his original landscape design to incorporate outdoor cooking facilities and a number of sustainable elements for food-production.

Another celebrity real estate mystery solved.

photographer: Nick Springett

Blythe Danner Lists Ocean View Condo in Santa Monica

SELLER: Blythe Danner
LOCATION: Santa Monica, CA
PRICE: $1,860,000
SIZE: 1,396 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: After some confusion and a bit of back and forth with Jimi J. Cocoapuff, it has come to Your Mama's attention that award winning actress and celebrity mom Blythe Danner recently listed her Santa Monica, CA condo with an asking price of $1,860,000.

Miz Danner, the widow of writer/producer/director Bruce Paltrow (The White Shadow, St. Elsewhere) and mother of sometime director Jake Paltrow (NYPD Blue), is the famous maw-maw of the much more famous Oscar winning ack-tress Gwyneth Paltrow (Iron Man franchise, Running With Scissors, Proof, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Shakespeare in Love and et. al). Now poodles, much as we like to dish about Gwynnie and her superstar real estate ways, we're not actually here to discuss her, her tumescent Goop blog, or even her porcine portfolio of high-priced properties in London and New York. It's Blythe Danner's fast paced real estate ways that are of interest today.

While she's known in households around the world for her roles on both the small and silver screens (Will & Grace, Huff, the Fockers film franchise) and has earned an impressive 5 Emmy nominations that resulted in two wins, Miz Danner is actually, arguably and perhaps, a more accomplished stage actress. At the dewy age of 25, she appeared to great acclaim in the Lincoln Center Rep's production of The Miser and in 1970, she received a Tony award for her role in Butterflies Are Free. Miz Danner went on to receive three more Tony nominations for treading the boards in Streetcar Named Desire, Betrayal, and Follies.

Property records reveal Miz Danner's ocean view condo was purchased in March of 2007 for $1,860,000, an amount the eagle eyed children will note is identical to the current listing price. That means even if Miz Danner's real estate people manage the unlikely real estate mitzvah of turning up a a buyer willing to cough up full price, she'll be out at least $75,000 in fees and expenses. Listing information and property records show the single story unit measures a modest 1,386 square feet and includes 2 bedrooms and 2 poopers.

Before we begin in earnest Your Mama would like to offer the caveat that although we are a fan of Miz Danner's professional abilities, we are not down with the day-core we find her nearly two million clam condo in Santa Monica. That said, we will allow that that condo is indeed done over in a manner that allows Your Mama to imagine this is actually some one's home–albeit a part time home of uninspired day-core–rather than one of those sterile, frou-frou furniture showroom like places far too many famous folk live. Okaaaay?

The smallish, but open plan main living space is a somewhat surprising and totally disappointing decorative goulash of 1980s let's-do-it-all-in-neutral day-core meets a 1995 issue of Country Living magazine meets the beach meets an uncoordinated soupçon of faux Louis. Altogether and with all due respect to the dee-voon Miz Danner, this melange gives Your Mama an awful case of the gas. We've got mixy-matchy pine pieces mixed with a glossy white Parson's table paired with an horrific fully mirrored wall on which are hung a kooky collection of clocks that mingle wearily with a duo of bergere style chairs covered in lime green fabric that coexist uncomfortably with a banal painting/print of a snow covered barn that's arguing vociferously with a director's chair that's positively punished with a puzzling floral print seat back all of which is adulterated with an elephant sized and intricately carved chestnut colored armoire. Phew! The floors, covered with oatmeal colored wall to wall carpeting except for the trapezoidal shaped wood floored entry area, and the walls that are painted an aggressive and angry shade of egg shell or ecru or some other boring beige color are not only the excruciating back drop for this condo, but also the nail in its decorative coffin.

What is nice are the giant, floor to ceiling windows that divide the interior spaces from a perfectly lovely if small ocean view terrace where Miz Danner might have sat quietly with a generous glass of a big and oaky California chardonnay and watched the waves crash and the fog retreat and/or roll in.

The kitchen appears to have been expensively renovated...in the 1990s...and includes, not surprisingly, beige raised panel cabinetry, sand and slate colored flecked granite counter tops, gray veined marble tile floors, a huge integrated Sub-Zero fridge and freezer, and one of these electric cook tops that look like they're made of shiny linoleum. It's certainly an adequately sized and set up kitchen for a relatively small high end condo, but it's just so damn dull it makes Your Mama want to prick our skin with a sharp object just so we can feel something besides beige.

The master bedroom has an entire, blood curdling wall behind the bed done up in floor to ceiling mirrors, a behemoth bed with a lot of unnecessary decorative pillows and beige linens, and a small garden view terrace. The attached bathroom is awash in gray veined marble tiles that climb the walls in the glass enclosed shower, sit atop the two-sink counter top, and wrap around the ginormous soaking tub. Although it's arguably more appropriate in the bathroom than in the living room or the bedroom, the walls above the marble tile work that surround the tub are completely covered in mirror giving the master pooper a disturbing carnival house effect that makes Your Mama's eyes cross and knees turn to jelly.

Miz Danner's digs are located within one of the better and better known high-rise condo buildings in Santa Monica where Your Mama hears through the celebrity real estate grapevine that singer Stevie Nicks shacks up even though she owns a huge house in nearby Pacific Palisades. The contemporary complex, which practically hangs over the Pacific Coast Highway and offers unobstructed and dramatic panoramic views up and down the undeniably spectacular California coastline, was built in 1963 and extensively remodeled in the mid-1990s. Some of the amenities of the full-service building include 24-hour doormen, valet parking, swimming pool, spa and a state-of-the-art fitness center. The complex also includes secured garaging and Miz Danner's condo comes complete with two deeded and covered parking spaces.

The listing of her Santa Monica pied a terre is only a small slice of the barrage of real estate activity in which Miz Danner has been involved the last few years. In the spring of 2005, Miz Danner unloaded the 29-acre lake front spread she and her now deceased huzband owned in the sleepy Westchester County community of Waccabuc, NY. The bucolic estate, comprised of two separate parcels, sold for a combined $6,000,000.

In August of 2006, Miz Danner sold an apartment in a fancy pre-war apartment tower on Manhattan's lower Fifth Avenue for $1,800,000. It was previously reported that daughter Gwynnie and former man-friend Brad Pitt–now Angelina Jolie's baby daddy/live-in beehawtcha–lived in the apartment back in the olden days when they were America's most famous and attractive Hollywood couple. A couple months later, in November of 2006, Miz Danner sold the ol' Paltrow/Danner homestead in Santa Monica for a whopping $8,600,000. Miz Danner and Mister Paltrow bought the 5,290 square foot house way back in 1976 and raised their entertainment bidness progeny there. The property next door, bought in 1999, was sold about the same time and brought in another $2,100,000.

A few, quick flicks of the well worn beads on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus shows that in under two years time Miz Danner pocketed an astounding $18,500,000–less mortgages and real estate fees–into her now bulging bank accounts. If she wasn't a rich woman before, she certainly was one by the end of 2006.

In the spring of 2007, about the same time she was laying out $1,860,000 for her now for sale condo in Santa Monica, the still blond and beautiful senior citizen turned around and dropped $3,125,000 on a 3 bedroom and 3 bathroom 17th floor unit in the very same pre-war dowager on lower Fifth Avenue in which she had only months before sold an apartment. Based on previous reports it is here in this apartment on lower Fifth Avenue where Your Mama believes Miz Danner lives most of the time, or at least when she's not catting about with her pampered daughter Gwynnie and her brood of oddly named children.

Penelope Cruz Claims New Crib In the Post Office

Yesterday Your Mama discussed the soon to be former home of sophisticated ladee Candice Bergen located in a guarded and star studded enclave in Beverly Hills. One of Candy B's many soon to be former celebrity neighbors that we mentioned in the course of our discussion is lezbionic actress (and Yale graduate) Sara Gilbert (Roseanne, The Big Bang Theory, ER, Twins) and her ladee-mate writer/producer Allison Adler (Chuck, Still Standing, Family Guy).

Well, chickens, buckle your safety belts because deep in the dark of the night Your Mama received yet another furtive missive from Leonard Leaksthenews informing us that the Sapphic spouses sold their 2,538 square feet house two weeks ago for $3,300,000 to none other than the Madonna of Madrid herself, Penelope Cruz. Your Mama was able to confirm the sale via property records but as best as we can suss out, the 4 bedroom and 3 pooper property was never on the open market.

Records reveal that Miss Gilbert and her luhbeezhun ladee-mate Miss Adler picked up the property in March of 2005 for $2,481,000 buying it from model maker Heinz Holba. Herr Holba may not be a household name for anyone outside the bizness of fashion, but he's a certainly a force to be reckoned with in the cut throat world of modeling. Herr Holba, for any of the butter beans who might care, owns both L.A. Models and New York Model Management and between the the two companies Herr Holba represents a bevy of bean pole thin beauties including fresh faced catwalk queens Melissa Tammerijn, Patricia van der Vliet, Sigrid Agren, and Amanda Booth.

The children will recall that in late April of 2010 Your Mama discussed the trying to be Balinese residence in the Hollywood Hills that Miss Cruz currently owns and has on the market with an asking price of $3,450,000, reduced from its original price of $3,695,000.