Rent the House of A Housewife

OWNERS: Mario and Ramona Singer
LOCATION: Pheasant Close S., Southampton, NY
PRICE: $295,000 (Memorial Day to Labor Day)
SIZE: 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...7,000sf Mediterranean Villa, six bedrooms & baths, designer decorated and mint condition. Grand over-sized rooms, soaring ceilings in 1000 sf living room and 10' ceilings throughout. Grand Master Suite with its own separate wing and a private balcony overlooking the water for spectacular sunsets. Make this your own hidden paradise, with very private backyard protected by trees, a bocce court, 25 x 50' heated pool, and a sunken har-tru tennis court concealed by rock gardens and endless flowering English gardens...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: There's really nothing like starting the morning with a little dee-lightful dirt like this about those catty and (publicity) crazy beehawtchas from The Housewives of New York City. However, more than the wonderful public bitchery and verbal beat downs that these women engage in with each other, we are most concerned with their real estate doings. The fine folks at City File did not disappoint yesterday when they reported that wild-eyed entrepreneur Ramona Singer and her handsome (but temperamental) huzband Mario have put their south of the highway Southampton estate up for lease with an asking price of $295,000 for the full summer season which runs from Memorial Day to Labor Day. The couple would also, according to listing information, be willing to rent the property in a more piecemeal fashion.

Property records show the intensely competitive couple, who make mounds of money selling religious doo-dads and gew-gaws to the faithful, purchased their so-called "Mediterranean Villa" on Pheasant Close South back in November of 1995 for $875,000. Records on file with Suffolk County show the house measures 5,280 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms while listing information states the house measures 7,000 square feet and contains 6 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms.

Listing information for the allegedly "designer decorated" house indicates the living room–a not particularly successful decorative study in burgundy and white–measures a whopping 1,000 square feet and includes double height ceilings, a trio of French doors that open the the rear terrace and the sort of swagged drapery that Your Mama genuinely wishes were outlawed, particularly in houses at the beach.

The formal dining room, with its cane backed chairs and Home Despot "chandelier" is about as ordinary as a dining room can be and the best that we can muster about the 40-foot long kitchen and family room area is that it's forty feet long. The basement has been finished and fitted with a pool table and a gigantic 70-inch flat screen tee-vee which will surely appeal to all the sports fans and porn lovers.

The master suite, according to listing information, occupies a separate wing and includes a private terrace looking over the back yard and a large white bathroom with horrid gold accents and more of that shameful swagged drapery. Seriously people, what's with the swagged drapery? Is this sort of window treatment meant to be elegant? Sophisticated? Maybe in a over the top pile like Suzanne Saperstein's in the Holmby Hills but in a house like this, where there isn't even any damn moulding, these swagged things always look to Your Mama like someone tacked a taffeta prom dress from 1986 on the damn wall.

The grounds include an entertainment terrace off the family room, a large swimming pool, a properly oriented and sunken Har-tru tennis court, a Bocce court (which we love), views over a phallic shaped pond, and colorful ever-blooming gardens that while a bit fussy and English for our personal taste do look quite lovely and well tended.

When in Manhattan, Mister and Missus Singer reside in a 2,496 square foot condominium on the 16th floor of an undistinguised doorman building on East 80th Street which records indicate they purchased in August of 1997 for $1,420,500. According to the always informative StreetEasy, the Singers briefly listed their 4 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom apartment in the fall of 2007 with an asking price of $4,495,000.