Cracked.

I stopped by the blog of my friend Abbe

from AllDoll(ed) Up.

She wrote something that absolutely rendered me 

speechless (this is hard to do).

Why?

Because she's real.

Real about pain.

Real about struggles.

Real about hope.

I wanted to share her heart with you.

Her beautiful heart.

Here's Abbe:

This is my back porch patio.

It is cracked. BAD.

My boys have not helped this.

They love to stick their shovels in the crack and make it worse.

When we moved here, it was a fracture, if even that.

Now, it's a whole separate piece.

Broken.

It drives me crazy.

When I sit on the porch and watch the kids play, it bugs the you know what out of me.

It just hasn't been on the budget to replace an entire back patio.

You have probably noticed, I have been on a blogging halt.

No silly stories about the kids.

No mommy melt downs.

No inspirational truths about what God is teaching me.

Just a store, full of things I have worked on.

To be honest, the store hasn't even given me much joy.

It has been a healthy distraction from a great pain.

As much as I love to create, and have dreamed of selling our stuff someday, 

it has just been something "to do." 

I have not been able to delight in it the way I dreamed.

In fact there are lots of things I am no longer delighting in.

It is so hard for me, yes me, Mrs. Brutally Honest to not be real.

To not express what I am feeling, what I am going through.

I just can't right now.

But that doesn't even really matter.

No matter what it is, no matter the pain.

I get it.

I am feeling it.

I am living it.

I am broken.

The very foundation I have stood on and all I know about life and love is ripped.

It's been greatly shaken.

It's been rocked and pulled apart.

I struggled to sit and write today.

The hurt we have encountered has been so heavy and encompassing 

I can't think straight most days.

But I feel so strong in my heart to tell you what I KNOW.

I know that no matter what you are going through, 

no matter how hard, how difficult, how painful.

You are not alone.

I know that when life deals you a hand 

that you could have never been prepared for, 

that your Father is not unprepared.

Although you may feel it, God has promised us 

an "invincible army", 

and a "personal bravery" 

(Habakkuk 3:19 amplified version)

I know that when you feel alone, and that no one understands, 

nor cares about your pain, 

or even seems to acknowledge that you are struggling to even walk.

You are not alone.

You feel abandoned. But you have never been out of His sight.

You feel isolated. But you are surrounded.

You feel broken, shaken, and cracked to the core.

You feel hurt, angry and confused.

So does your Father.

But what we KNOW is that He is:

Good.

Loving.

Faithful.

Mighty to save.

Just.

Merciful.

Righteous.

Above all.

Above our thoughts.

Above our ways.

Near to the broken hearted.

Strong.

Light in an ever present darkness.

Angry at sin.

Jealous.

Powerful.

And perfect.

What I am feeling is no surprise to Him.

It is something He feels too.

No matter what you face today, 

I want you to know that I have seen and felt the Hand of God in ways I never knew. 

Ways I wish I would never know.

But it the midst of great hurt and confusion.

I stand in Awe.

Awe of a God who makes all things well.

I can't say that I am living the "all things well" part yet.

But I believe I will.

Someday,

Because I believe in HIM.

"In His kindness, God called you to His eternal glory by means of Jesus Christ. 

After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, 

and He will place you on a firm foundation. 

All power is His, forever and ever. Amen."

1Peter 5:10-11