Chrysalis - noun
(Latin) Chrysallid-,
A protective covering while undergoing metamorphosis: a stage of being or growth.
Metamorphosis -
(Greek) To transform;
A marked change in appearance, character, condition or function.
A few years ago, I found myself going through a great darkness of my soul.
I saw no point in living.
No desire to remain in this world,
yet scared to find out where I'd end up in the next,
if I were to actually commit suicide.
I saw no point in living.
No desire to remain in this world,
yet scared to find out where I'd end up in the next,
if I were to actually commit suicide.
I felt deserted by God.
I felt lost and abandoned. I wondered if God even heard me.
I wondered if I could be so overwhelmed with darkness that I could fall outside His grace.
Where was the delight in my salvation I once had,
the confidence in knowing I had a future and a hope?
Where did the assurance and clarity of my faith go?
I struggled to know if my faith was real. I mean, REALLY real.
And if I was struggling with THAT, did it mean that I was really a Christian?
Was I being punished for some reason,
that all these sins from my past were surfacing for me to deal with?
My guilt from an abortion, when I was 19, was the main contributor to my pain.
I decided I had committed the unpardonable sin.
I asked and asked for forgiveness, but could not feel it.
I felt alone, unworthy, undeserving of grace.
My normal gregarious, outgoing nature had turned cold and aloof.
My home was left unkempt. My children, ignored.
My own self? Neglected.
I spent my days wandering from room to room, crying.
Or staring into space, as if in a trance.
Or just lying in bed all day.
Like King David, in Psalm 32, I:
"kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long."
One day, I had enough clarity to call a friend.
She reminded me that every Christian has problems at one time or another,
heck, we have problems simply because we are human beings.
We aren't immune to what happens around us.
In fact, the more I seek to become close to Jesus,
the more likely I am to experience troubles in this world.
STRUGGLES ARE NORMAL.
She also reminded me that if there was any sin in my depression,
it was a result of not accepting the forgiveness, not in the asking for it.
God does forgive even the most terrible sin.
ACCEPT GOD'S FORGIVENESS.
She also reminded me that I shouldn't be surprised that my faith was being tried.
Difficulties and suffering make us face up to wrong attitudes, values and goals in life.
Times of loss and frustration, are also times of spiritual change and growth.
God was disciplining me that I might share in His holiness.
DEPRESSION PRECEDES CHANGE.
She also reminded me that I, the moment I became a Christian,
I became the special object of the enemy of my soul: Satan.
(I realize it may not be popular, trendy, or politically correct to mention the role of Satan in spiritual depression,
but I believe, that just as GOOD is real, EVIL is real.)
Although Satan cannot rob me of my salvation, he can certainly rob me of my joy.
She was not telling me I was possessed, just oppressed.
It was in Satan's best interest to lead me astray, to destroy the work of God in my life.
His vocation is to constantly seek to lead me on a wrong path, away from God.
WE HAVE AN ENEMY THAT HATES US.
She reminded me that the good news is I could overcome darkness
with the power of the Holy Spirit.
In the Cross and the empty tomb, there was not only human suffering,
but complete victory and triumph!!
Christ came to our world to die for our spiritual blindness, pay its penalty,
and absorb the wrath it deserves.
Satan can no longer destroy those who are in Christ, his accusations are invalid.
My suffering could not separate me from Jesus.
THE ENEMY HAS BEEN OVERCOME.
I thank God for Karen, who was there for me that day.
If you need hope, and you are reading this, I am YOUR Karen.
Even in your darkness, God does not abandon you.
In fact, He is right there with you.
He did not cause your despair, but rather will sustain you through it.
Cling to the only One who has been your source of hope in the past-
the only One who has a true perspective on your situation - God.
He will help you emerge from your pain and release your past.
He will set you free, as He did for me!
Was I being punished for some reason,
that all these sins from my past were surfacing for me to deal with?
My guilt from an abortion, when I was 19, was the main contributor to my pain.
I decided I had committed the unpardonable sin.
I asked and asked for forgiveness, but could not feel it.
I felt alone, unworthy, undeserving of grace.
My normal gregarious, outgoing nature had turned cold and aloof.
My home was left unkempt. My children, ignored.
My own self? Neglected.
I spent my days wandering from room to room, crying.
Or staring into space, as if in a trance.
Or just lying in bed all day.
Like King David, in Psalm 32, I:
"kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long."
One day, I had enough clarity to call a friend.
She reminded me that every Christian has problems at one time or another,
heck, we have problems simply because we are human beings.
We aren't immune to what happens around us.
In fact, the more I seek to become close to Jesus,
the more likely I am to experience troubles in this world.
STRUGGLES ARE NORMAL.
She also reminded me that if there was any sin in my depression,
it was a result of not accepting the forgiveness, not in the asking for it.
God does forgive even the most terrible sin.
ACCEPT GOD'S FORGIVENESS.
She also reminded me that I shouldn't be surprised that my faith was being tried.
Difficulties and suffering make us face up to wrong attitudes, values and goals in life.
Times of loss and frustration, are also times of spiritual change and growth.
God was disciplining me that I might share in His holiness.
DEPRESSION PRECEDES CHANGE.
She also reminded me that I, the moment I became a Christian,
I became the special object of the enemy of my soul: Satan.
(I realize it may not be popular, trendy, or politically correct to mention the role of Satan in spiritual depression,
but I believe, that just as GOOD is real, EVIL is real.)
Although Satan cannot rob me of my salvation, he can certainly rob me of my joy.
She was not telling me I was possessed, just oppressed.
It was in Satan's best interest to lead me astray, to destroy the work of God in my life.
His vocation is to constantly seek to lead me on a wrong path, away from God.
WE HAVE AN ENEMY THAT HATES US.
She reminded me that the good news is I could overcome darkness
with the power of the Holy Spirit.
In the Cross and the empty tomb, there was not only human suffering,
but complete victory and triumph!!
Christ came to our world to die for our spiritual blindness, pay its penalty,
and absorb the wrath it deserves.
Satan can no longer destroy those who are in Christ, his accusations are invalid.
My suffering could not separate me from Jesus.
THE ENEMY HAS BEEN OVERCOME.
I thank God for Karen, who was there for me that day.
If you need hope, and you are reading this, I am YOUR Karen.
Even in your darkness, God does not abandon you.
In fact, He is right there with you.
He did not cause your despair, but rather will sustain you through it.
Cling to the only One who has been your source of hope in the past-
the only One who has a true perspective on your situation - God.
He will help you emerge from your pain and release your past.
He will set you free, as He did for me!
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